u/beenbetterhbu

TL;DR: My friend had an affair with a married man, is now pregnant, and I’m struggling with how quickly everything happened

I’m looking for some outside perspective. I’m starting to wonder whether I’m being overly judgmental, or whether I’m seeing some things that my friend is too caught up in the situation to see.

A close friend of mine started an affair with a married man who had been with his wife for around 10 years and has two children. My friend and this man had known each other casually for a couple of years through their gym, but they had only been romantically involved for around six months when she became pregnant.

He is now going through a divorce, but the whole transition has been incredibly fast. He went more or less directly from living with his wife and children to living in my friend’s apartment. Before that, he apparently didn’t really have somewhere stable to go and was even sleeping at the gym at one point. My friend initially seemed to take him in partly because she felt bad for him.

When I asked her about him moving in, I was surprised by how passive her response was. She basically said that she didn’t mind because she’s out a lot anyway, and that it was good for him because he could be closer to the gym and work more. It sounded more like she was accommodating his circumstances than making an active decision about the kind of life she wanted.

Now she’s pregnant, he’s still going through the divorce, and there are going to be custody arrangements, child support, two existing children, an ex-wife, and a new baby. I’m realizing that this has gone way beyond just a messy relationship.

The other thing that concerns me is how she talks about his marriage. Her version is basically that his wife treated him badly, didn’t meet his needs, and that he was unhappy for a long time. She also has a general belief that if you’re not having sex with your partner, of course they’ll eventually go elsewhere. She actually stayed with a previous partner who cheated on her for years, and my impression was that she responded by trying to become “good enough” for him rather than seeing his cheating as his responsibility.

She also seems to view this relationship somewhat as a victory: he chose her, therefore she must be the better partner and this must prove that they are meant to be together.

I find that difficult because I keep thinking: what actually prevents him from doing the same thing again? I’m not saying people who cheat can never change. I just don’t understand how the fact that he cheated with her becomes evidence that he won’t eventually cheat on her.

I’ve also noticed that she sometimes talks as though she has figured out the secret to finding a good man. For example, before she was pregnant, she told me that I should find a man from a culture that “respects family,” because that’s what she had found in him. I remember being pretty stunned by that because, from my perspective, she hadn’t actually been in a normal long-term relationship with this man yet. She had known him casually for years, but they’ve only experienced the reality of being partners for a few months, and most of that has happened during an affair, a separation, and now a pregnancy.

It feels like they’ve gone from one crisis/transition directly into the next without ever pausing.
And now that she’s pregnant, I’m having a much harder time viewing this as simply “two people fell in love.” There is going to be a baby, two existing children, a divorce, custody, finances, an ex-wife who obviously isn’t thrilled about the situation, and a relationship that hasn’t really had time to experience the boring/difficult parts of long-term life.

Am I being unfair here? Or does this sound like a situation where the people involved may be caught up in the momentum of the relationship and haven’t really had a chance to think through what they’re getting into?

It will be too soon 🙃 Has anyone else noticed that Merissa has started saying it too? I swear the hardest part of watching these shows is the women who are leagues ahead of the men they're matched with but still giving it all they've got.

I've posted before about my disdain for HR. One of my friends is a corporate lawyer and I guess I didn't fully understand what that entailed. She works with HR and the company to defend them against employees that feel they've been wronged.

Lately she's been sharing stories of how they successfully got someone out without having to pay them severance, how they terminated a woman who had been sexually harassed by her superior and then when she tried to sue the company they were working to make sure she couldn't get much money.

My friend makes it sound like these people are totally unreasonable but I don't know if she understands the consequences of job loss. She's an advocate for people experiencing homelessness but to me she doesn't realize that she could theoretically be contributing to the circumstances by which someone ends up homeless.

I'm looking to hear from women who have made big career changes. I'm just feeling kind of lost right now. I'm a creative person with skills in writing and have been working in marketing. Currently I'm self employed and have my own business consulting with companies on marketing strategy.

I'm torn because, while I enjoy the challenge and find it very fulfilling when things are going well, it can also be quite lonely. I don't think I'm cut out for corporate life especially not if it requires me to be in office. I'm smart and self motivated but I can also get in my head when things aren't as busy, when issues arise with a client etc.

I wonder if there's something else I could be doing with my life that's a bit more social or where I feel like I'm giving back. I've always been interested in the idea of therapy or some kind of helping profession and volunteer for a mental health non profit which I enjoy.

At the same time, I love the flexibility and the freedom I have. I can work whenever and wherever basically. Sometimes I start to spiral about how the industry is in decline and maybe I won't ever work again but things have always turned around so far.

I also wonder how it would work if I did decide to retrain while still having to pay bills etc.

So I'd love to hear from some folks who've been through it. What was your motivation for changing it up? What did the process look like and where are you now?

Also frequently referred to as Café L'Inco. It's one of those memories of Montreal I have that I almost feel like I dreamed. Need to know someone else has been there.

A few months ago my friend started having an affair with a married man. He also has two young kids. I figured like most affairs it would probably be a fleeting moment, but when she tried to call it off he told her he would leave his wife to be with her.

The whole thing seemed kind of insane to me but I've tried my best to be a supportive friend.

In the last few months he's left his wife of 10+ years and moved in with my friend and now they're expecting a baby. When I found out I was kind of just stunned. She told me via text but eventually we will see each other and I'm just not sure what to say. I want to be happy for her but it feels like such a massive risk to take.

He's just started the divorce proceedings, has been working to sell the house he owned with his wife, and is still figuring out custody arrangements with his two kids. Bringing a child into this whole thing feels a bit insane to me, especially given they don't know each other that well.

I don't know if this is some kind of whirlwind romance and was just meant to be or a train wreck waiting to happen. Naturally given his history I'm concerned he'll do the same thing to my friend.

I also feel like my friend is burying her head in the sand a bit, saying whatever's going on with his wife and kids is not her business. Not sure if she realizes that she's going to be spending time with them and that they won't simply disappear from his life.

A few months ago my friend started having an affair with a married man. He also has two young kids. I figured like most affairs it would probably be a fleeting moment, but when she tried to call it off he told her he would leave his wife to be with her.

The whole thing seemed kind of insane to me but I've tried my best to be a supportive friend.

In the last few months he's left his wife of 10+ years and moved in with my friend and now they're expecting a baby. When I found out I was kind of just stunned.

He's just started the divorce proceedings, has been working to sell the house he owned with his wife, and is still figuring out custody arrangements with his two kids. Bringing a child into this whole thing feels a bit insane to me, especially given they don't know each other that well.

I don't know if this is some kind of whirlwind romance and was just meant to be or a train wreck waiting to happen. Naturally given his history I'm concerned he'll do the same thing to my friend.

I also feel like my friend is burying her head in the sand a bit, saying whatever's going on with his wife and kids is not her business. Not sure if she realizes that she's going to be spending time with them and that they won't simply disappear from his life.

Two faves for me - what are some spots that do these dishes justice?

Hi everyone,

I’m not looking for a diagnosis or to replace my veterinarian’s advice. I have a great vet and we’re actively working through this. I’m mainly wondering if there are any management strategies or questions I should discuss with my vet based on similar cases.

My cat has had intermittent vomiting for several months. Earlier on, he was often vomiting undigested kibble, but for the past few months it’s almost exclusively been yellow bile, usually in the early morning before breakfast.

Today he had an abdominal ultrasound, which was normal. His bloodwork has also been normal. He has a good appetite, is bright and active, and otherwise seems like himself. However, he has lost a fair bit of weight in the last year which is concerning to me.

The veterinarian who performed the ultrasound said that, given the normal imaging, one possibility is that this could be related to a food intolerance or sensitivity, and that the next step is likely to be a diet trial rather than more invasive diagnostics.

My questions are:

- Is a novel protein diet a reasonable next step given the normal diagnostics?

- Is early-morning bile vomiting commonly associated with an empty stomach, food intolerance, IBD, or are there other common considerations I should ask my vet about?

- Are there any management strategies (such as feeding schedules or timed overnight feedings) that are commonly recommended while working through a diet trial?

Again, I’m not looking for anyone to diagnose my cat, just hoping to better understand what the typical approach is when bloodwork and ultrasound are reassuring but the vomiting persists.

Thank you!

My cat (7 years old, male bengal) has been having intermittent vomiting that’s become more frequent recently. A lot of it has been bright yellow bile, often in the early morning before breakfast.

Aside from this his behaviour has been normal. He's always wanting food, playful, active, cuddly. Vomiting is almost always at the same time (4-5 AM). He has lost a fair bit of weight which is concerning.

We did bloodwork, which was normal, and today he had an abdominal ultrasound. The ultrasound was also essentially normal, no masses, obstruction, or obvious signs of IBD.

My vet’s theory is that it could be a dietary intolerance. He explained that some cats simply don’t tolerate certain ingredients, even if they’ve eaten them for years. We’ve started a strict novel-protein rabbit diet and are going to stick with it for at least two weeks before making any conclusions.

I’m relieved the imaging was normal, but I’m also trying to manage my expectations and understand what other people’s experiences have been while we wait to see if the diet helps.

I searched ice cream in this sub and didn't seem like there were many suggestions. The last couple summers I've been challenging myself to try new ice cream spots. Some favourites include Kem Coba, Les Givrés, Dalmata, Pile ou Glace. What else would you recommend?

Been struggling with endo for almost 10 years now. I always had painful periods and took a long time to come to the diagnosis.

I had a surgery like 6 years ago and it seemed to help. I'm now dealing with intermittent episodes of extreme pain that disrupts my life completely. It takes such a toll on me mentally and physically.

I have a hard time resting and tend to push myself to go do things. I often end up overdoing it when I'm feeling okay and suffer for it later. Even when I'm in extreme pain I have a hard time saying no to plans because i don't want to miss out and it feels like I'm always sick.

Does anyone else struggle with this? How do you find a balance? Am I doing more harm than good?

Been struggling with endo for almost 10 years now. I always had painful periods and took a long time to come to the diagnosis.

I had a surgery like 6 years ago and it seemed to help. I'm now dealing with intermittent episodes of extreme pain that disrupts my life completely. It takes such a toll on me mentally and physically.

I have a hard time resting and tend to push myself to go do things. I often end up overdoing it when I'm feeling okay and suffer for it later. Even when I'm in extreme pain I have a hard time saying no to plans because i don't want to miss out and it feels like I'm always sick.

Does anyone else struggle with this? How do you find a balance? Am I doing more harm than good?

Trying to put together a little guide for my family that's coming into town soon. Of course there are SO many options but I'm trying to direct them to some of the best spots Montreal has to offer. High end, hole in the wall, and everything in between!

I'm feeling a bit anxious and could use some hope. My boy (Bengal, 7 yrs) has been having ongoing issues with vomiting and occasional pooping outside the litter box. I've been to the vet about it. He still
mainly uses his litter box but on has had a few accidents maybe due to GI upset. I'm not looking for medical advice btw, just maybe some happy stories?

He got a blood test last December that didn't show anything. I've been working with my vet to try different foods. IBD was mentioned as a possibility since there have been times where he's gone a week or so without any issues.

He's currently on the Royal Canin Anallergenic and up until last week the Hills Science ZD wet food. Vet suggested to stop wet food to try and narrow down the issue. Of course my boy is not happy about this development but he does seem to be eating the dry food.

Vet says to give it another week and then we might need to do an ultrasound.

It's just been exhausting trying to troubleshoot this and distressing to see him not feeling well. Once he vomits he goes back to normal and generally starts eating again right away, business as usual.

Any positive, hopeful experiences would be so appreciated right now 😭

I’m feeling a bit anxious and could use some hope. My boy (7 yrs) has been having ongoing issues with vomiting and occasional pooping outside the litter box.

He got a blood test last December that didn't show anything. I've been working with my vet to try different foods. IBD was mentioned as a possibility since there have been times where he's gone a week or so without any issues.

He's currently on the Royal Canin Anallergenic and up until last week the Hills Science ZD wet food. Vet suggested to stop wet food to try and narrow down the issue. Of course my boy is not happy about this development but he does seem to be eating the dry food.

Vet says to give it another week and then we might need to do an ultrasound.

It's just been exhausting trying to troubleshoot this and distressing to see him not feeling well. Once he vomits he goes back to normal and generally starts eating again right away, business as usual.

Any positive, hopeful experiences would be so appreciated right now 😭

I recently went on vacation with a newer friend of mine, let's call her Brit. I've known her for a few years. Her mom was also on this trip. Over the course of our time together I came to learn that Brit actually grew up quite wealthy. There were mentions of the estate they lived on, owning horses, her going to boarding school, etc. Another friend on the trip had also gone to boarding school and made a comment about how tough it can be to try to keep up with these ultra wealthy families and Brit's mom responded that Brit had never experienced that because she always had everything.

She now works in a prestigious position. She went to school all over the world, funded by a family friend, and she also received a down payment for her home.

Sometimes I don’t feel like she understands how those differences shape the way I experience the world.

For example, after I unexpectedly lost a job and was telling her how stressful it had been, she said, “There’s always another job.” I know she probably meant to reassure me, but it felt dismissive because our realities are so different. Similarly, when I talk about anxiety around money or inconsistent income, she’ll say, “I get it,” but I don’t really feel understood.

She also talks about how she’s able to travel internationally five or more times a year because she’s “good with money.” I’m sure being financially responsible is part of it, but I also wonder whether she’s overlooking the advantages she started with. I don’t resent that she had those opportunities I just don’t think our relationships with money are comparable.

I guess I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this kind of thing in a friendship. Were you able to reconcile your differences or did it always feel like there was some kind of unbridgeable gap?

My brother lives in Seoul and is coming to visit me in Canada soon. I’m thinking about asking him to bring me a few things.

What are your favourite Korean products that are difficult to find overseas, significantly cheaper in Korea, or just really good?

I’m thinking things like:

Skincare/cosmetics
Candy, snacks, instant foods, or drinks
Stationery
Home goods
Fashion/accessories
Random convenience store finds
Weird niche products that foreigners might not know about

Basically, if someone offered to bring you a small suitcase of stuff from Seoul, what would be on your list?

Open to practical suggestions and completely ridiculous ones.

I have the Rival RB70s. They've served me well but I've had em for over 5 years now and think I'm due for an upgrade.

I'd say I'm intermediate level, not doing any hard sparring (yet). Mostly looking for something comfortable, light, with good responsiveness. I wanna focus on my speed and technique but still love to wail on the bag with some hooks now and again. Any recs? 🙏

A few years back I was advised by my vet to brush my cat's teeth. They mentioned gingivitis/possible extractions and thousands of dollars so it really freaked me out.

Anyway he wasn't having it, no interest in licking the toothpaste off my finger even. A couple times I managed to brush a couple teeth but I practically had to pin him down. I adopted him as a rescue at 2 years old so it wasn't like he was a kitten and I could ease him into it.

I switched vets, they told me his teeth didn't look bad and to not force the brushing if he doesn't accept it. I know I should bring him in for a cleaning but I'm stressed about it!

I wonder if there are other things I can do or if any of you have successfully been able to brush your bengals teeth?