u/beetlebuggn

I grew up in the same house but with completely different lives than my sister. I was punished and ridiculed for everything, always. My mother told me I was embarrassing for her and took me out of school for two years as “punishment”. This was 8th and 9th grade and started because CPS came to our house after a teacher requested the guidance counselor talk to me. I never got to cut my hair, I never got new clothes, my bed was taken away from me, my door was taken away from me, I wasn’t allowed to use art supplies or anything I loved. It was thrown away. I wasn’t allowed to feel happy if my mother wasn’t happy because I would “ruin her day” and I wasn’t allowed to be sad when she was happy because “what do I have to be happy about”. I was told I was hated, I was told that I was a terrible daughter, I was ugly, a son would’ve been better, and she would lie about my biological father. (my sister and I have different fathers) I had never lived with him because I was scared it would be worse than home like she would say that he never wanted me, and he would beat me if I went there. None of this was ever true.
My sister lived a completely opposite life. She was praised, and had everything she could ever want. Clothes that fit, books, art supplies, she was allowed to go to school, and play sports. My mom would dance with her in the kitchen and ask her to lay in bed and watch movies and would take her on trips and out of school on her birthday for surprises and I got nothing.

My mother would always tell my sister that I deserve to be treated the way I did because I was bad. I ended up going to a psych hospital for a month at 12 and remember begging them not to let me go home. My mother would let her husband treat me however she wanted and it terrible. Instead of helping me she viewed me as competition when I wanted nothing to do with him. She left me homeless as a teenager and made sure my sister had somewhere to go when she wanted to move states. She just randomly told me one day that I had until she got home to get anything out of her house. I was staying at a friend’s and I came home to get what little I had to realize my mother was having the dog go to the bathroom in my room and everything was torn up.

Anyways, I was no contact for a while. Then I was diagnosed with cancer and she wanted sympathy from others so she pretended to care about me. The abused persisted even as an adult. My final straw was me getting married and my mother screaming at me because my wedding was “too much about myself”. I wanted to go no contact again but at this point she moved so close to me that I would’ve had to leave overnight without her seeing me. So I did. Thankfully I haw the sweetest and most gentle parter who understands me. ( she also spent a year talking poorly to us about one another in hopes we would split up. like would say we’re both abusive to each other. not true.)

I’m an adult, and have been no contact no contact with my mother for 6 months. I moved far away, changed my phone number and told anyone who she would reach out to like my partners family that they should block her and if they chose not to, I wanted to hear nothing of what her reaction was or what she had to say. I was in psych treatment for a month and had to really process everything and now therapy 2x a week. I feel a lot better but I also struggle. It’s been hard because no matter how I’m treated, I crave love I never had. I crave my IDEA of my mother.

I didn’t cut out my sister but I am wondering if I should. She told me leaving was a good idea. I thought maybe she finally understood but out of nowhere she told me she was moving close to our mother because “unlike me she actually loves her” and my mother is taking her on huge trips that I am constantly seeing and I just can’t bear it. It makes me so upset. She just is so perfect in everyone’s eyes. Most people who know my family don’t like me because of the idea of me that’s been fed to them. That I am abusive to my family and I abandoned them. I also struggle because my sisters dad who my mom cheated on and divorced was in my life since I was a baby. I think he’s the only person that stuck up for me and if I cut my sister off. that means him too. My sister apparently got really upset with him for “loving me more than her.” which just isn’t true.

Sorry for the long post. I am unsure if it would be worth it to cut my sister out or if I should deal with it. Any advice or support is welcome. It’s honestly just nice to know I am not alone.