u/beingbetterr

Hi everyone,

This bike is a 58cm and I believe my inseam is like a 32in… not sure if this is too big or not.

My left kneee usually starts to balloon up after a longer ride but i don’t really know what to do

Hi everyone,

Actually posted food this time and not send out drunken post.

I should feel happy right? Im starting a new job on monday, been hanging out with friends more than ever, taking college courses to finally get a degree, losing weight while training for a 70.3 that im attempting later this year.

But i cant seem to get out of the mental state where she always in my mind; the made up arguments, the conversations where we both made a mistake and we reconcile.

Its been 4 months now, and im not going to reach out. But my god it sucks to feel like you’re doing good in life and everything is progressing the way it should, but you still have that massive void just eating away at you.

I think what also bothers me about it is that i don’t sit with this shitty feeling sometimes. I escape to dating apps or even NSFW content. It makes me feel good in the moment but then after im left with the same feeling.

Just longing for a connection.

Im not sure where my life is going to take me at this point. But if we never reconcile, i think thats something i am starting to accept.

Sucks shes in a city where theres world cups games in the US and im here in a small apartment off the side of a highways. Shitty thing to think about.

Anyways some takeout that my mom got for me after my trip, extremely necessary.

Photo i took today on my bikeride

Tomrrow caps the end of my week long trip of figuring out if this city is something i even want. My ex and i were long distance for two years and recently have broken up. Ive been staying with my friend who also lives here, and exploring the city without the stimulus if her being there.

What sucks the most about all of this is that I like the city, a lot. I spent most of our time long distwnce talking about grabbing a footing in my professional career before transitioning over, and i look back on it as an excuse because i was scared.

So spending this last week coming to realize that, a lot of emotions have come up. Just feeling like i have wasted so much of my life by not taking action and being reactive to what life throws at me. I mever had a plan, just gone with the wind. This breakup, the emptiness she left really puts into perspective how many mistakes i made.

I planned on not texting her when i arrived here, and in proud of committing to it. But after reflecting on it, at what cost did this serve me? I didn’t lose my pride but now i never know what it could’ve been if i just reached out and said hello.

I’ll manifest a better future for myself, i cant keep living the same way anymore.