u/bellaisa345

Hi everyone, I’m a mum to a 2.5yo and a 6mo old. Maybe this is a stupid question but I’m slightly worried about our baby. My first was cluster feeding sooooo much as a newborn, I think in the first 7 weeks he didn’t really have much awake time that he wasn’t breastfeeding/suckling. Overall, the boobies were a guaranteed off-switch for any crying. He actually didn’t cry much anyway but if he did cry or whine or fuss or whatever, I’d just breastfeed him and he’d be calm IMMEDIATELY.

The concept of comfort-nursing is entirely foreign to my second. He has never in his entire life did any cluster feeding, which at first I was relieved about. I however soon learned how exhausting it is when you have to try 52857205 different ways to soothe your baby or to put them (back) to sleep.

He’s now 6 months old and never ever nurses for comfort. The breast is treated solely as a food source and once he’s done (like 3-4min), he wants nothing to do with it.

I read that breastfeeding aversion can be a sign of autism. Were any of your kids like this as babies?

He otherwise doesn’t show any concerns. He has excellent eye contact, so much that it was commented on several times already at a couple days old. Social-smiled early, normal motor development etc. Doesn’t say consonants yet though, my first started the whole “dadadadada” around 5+ months and then “baba”, “mama” etc at 6 months. My second is still in the aaaaaa ooooooo stage. Not sure what’s normal with regard to that though.

My 2.5yo is SO slow and it feels SO frustrating to me. I’m a very efficient person and I usually do things fast and often multitask (I guess like most of us mums lol).

Now before you come at me, I obviously know that toddlers have a different pace than adults and I obviously don’t compare my toddler to myself 😅 I however notice frequently that other kids his age are not that slow.

He does EVERYTHING slowly. He walks slowly. When he “runs”, it’s super slow (again, for toddler standards). He rides his balance bike with the pace of a snail (this one is the worst for me because it is SO frustrating and I get SO impatient).

He eats slowly. We have to tell him 500x “are you still eating?” or give him reminders / tell him that if he’s not hungry he doesn’t have to eat (he insists he’s hungry) / then go to the next stage of getting more strict (“if you’re not eating mummy will take the food away”) etc etc. When I pick him up from school, he’s usually the last child who’s still eating, and I sometimes see the teachers feeding him although he’s obviously able to eat by himself. They told me it’s emotional that some kids are still being fed and he sees it and also wants to be fed but the last time he’s been fed was below 1yo lol so I’m pretty sure they just don’t have the time/capacities to deal with his slowness cause they want to wrap up mealtime and yeah I can’t blame them.

When we’re at the playground, he stands around for ages and looks at random stones before he finally makes it to the slide. When he’s on the slide, he stands on the climbing base for ages and 5-6 children take over while he’s still standing around and looking / not moving / moving very slowly.

When it’s his turn to do something, he’s so slow that he never actually gets to do it because all other kids are faster. The other day, we had friends over and we built a tunnel for the kids and their daughter (same age) went through the tunnel like 20 (!!!) times because our child was so slow to finally take his turn.

He obviously wants to do everything by himself all the time which is fine with me and I even support it because I love fostering independence and Montessori, but I have another child (a baby) so I don’t always have time to wait for ages. Today I picked him up from school and he wanted to fasten his backpack by himself but it took him ages. Meanwhile I was dying from the heat because we were standing in the midday sun and I was also carrying the baby, so I lost my patience and I told him he is too slow and if he wants to do things by himself he has to do them faster else I’ll do them. I then took the backpack away and went to the car. He followed (in slow motion) while crying the whole way to the car.

Anyone in a similar situation? I usually hear the opposite, that other parents complain that their children are always in motion and run and climb nonstop and they can’t contain them etc. I feel like I’m the only one struggling with this!? I of course often hear about the slowness while getting ready etc but this seems to be a different issue (backpack situation might fall into this category but the rest not).

Any tips on how to deal with this? Both from my side, how can I understand why this makes me so angry and how can I regulate my own emotions better?

But at the same time how to teach my son a faster pace? I assume this slowness will also hinder him in every day life, for example in autumn they’ll start soccer at school and if he’s always just looking and standing around and so slow to react or to move, he obviously can’t participate much, and I’d hate that for him). Or another example, about the balance bike. We often get asked by friends if we want to meet and go for a walk with the kids riding their bicycles. But obviously like this we can never join and that’s a bummer cause it’s a fun activity. And our son does love his balance bike, he’s just so slow at it and also the way he does it, he’s not learning much balance cause he’s more walking than sliding.

So my toddler is quite cuddly actually, but only with me (mum). But in general, when someone (let’s say his preschool teacher) initiates cuddles, he always comes, but he just doesn’t actually HUG. As in, he doesn’t come towards me with his arms stretched out, or that he puts his arms around me. It’s more like he wants to be held by me but then basically just sits in my arms without doing anything by himself.

I hope you guys understand my description lol 😅

Is that normal? I have observed that other kids give hugs normally.