u/bernadusandrew

Hey guys. First of all i'd like to apologize for reposting my post again, a few hours ago i posted the whole four chapters by google link here asking for the same feedbacks and critiques. I just realized it might be too much of word count to be posted here. So, i just screenshotted the first chapter i have improved. The last time i asked for feedbacks here, it was said i had problem with expositions. I hope i have improved the writing and do less telling and more showing. Thank you much in advance.

A bit about my book: it is set on planet Dagaz, where the war between logic and faith is happening, and crushing the non-believers who got stuck in between. It's an omniscient narrated story with morally grey characters.

Hey, guys. So here I am again, posting my new first chapter of my novel that I had decided to use instead of the original one from the helpful feedbacks i got from this sub a month or so ago.

I have attached the screenshots of the 14 pages of the first chapter that i hope i have improved. Open for any constructive criticism and feedback, thank you so much!

What happened between us? Is there a lingering feeling still? After years since the last we broke up (the 28th time in 8 months we were together) my ex (the one on the right) kept blocking and unblocking my number and tried to make a convo, but everytime i tried to make things better or to move it onto the "calmer" side, he'll pull back. Its bern yearrrss, i have moved on, im on a relationship now with someone who is arguably way better emotionally and mentally for me. But i cant shy away from trying to understand what happened,l between me and my ex, why is he the way he is towards me and also... is there anything i should know that i can use as a way to just close the book. Hoping anyone would help me understand our situation or our lack of a relationship more🙏

Hey guys, as the title suggests, I need some honest feedback and constructive criticism regarding the first two pages of my novel. The screenshots were taken from the latest draft of my fantasy/science fiction novel, which I posted here in this subreddit a few weeks ago and received a lot of constructive criticism regarding the pacing, flow, and overall clarity of the plot. Hopefully, based on the two pages I have attached here, I have improved my writing. (fingers crossed!).

Regarding my story, the story takes place on a planet called Dagaz, but the first chapter starts with the Almighty in an empty, barren universe before Dagaz was even created. It’s about denial in both faith and logic, and how the two cannot be merged or clashed; thus, the War of Faith ensues.

The words screenshotted above are not the full chapter. I have more fixes and polishing to do before I'm happy with it. These are the first two pages that I feel comfortable sharing.

Hey guys, as the title suggests, I posted my last draft of my first chapter here and received a lot of constructive feedback on its flow, as well as on the lack of clarity about where the story takes place and the narrative. I have revised the last draft, and hopefully I have improved my writing. A bit about my book, it's a fantasy / science fiction / psychological horror, about faith and logic, and how the two clashed, thus war ensues. The first chapter takes place in the past, while the second chapter features a time skip. I have gone back and forth about whether to remove the first chapter and go straight to the meat of the story, but my story needs its bones, and this chapter is the bone.

While the chapter is long (too long, considerably), I’m planning to divide it into several mini-chapters, which I’m going to release online at some point. Thank you for reading.

No AI was used in both the writing and the cover. I commissioned an artist to do the cover. The cover was made by Adil Zapharov.