u/berry_wrinkle

I believe what I’m about to say is true for most- if not all of us in this subreddit.

In the culture I grew up in, marriage has been placed as the most important thing in a woman’s life. I would argue most cultures push the idea of being a good wife before being your own person. I grew up in a toxic family which is quite common (culturally). My parents were emotionally unavailable. They never chose me. My mom tells me during every argument she wants me to die, she hates me, she wishes I would get in a car accident so my dead body is scattered across the road. She’ll call me ugly, stupid, uneducated (I have a University degree), unloveable etc. I was raised by narcissists who wanted me to hate myself. Most parents don’t choose their daughters. Instead they feed this narrative that if they are obedient and put effort into their beauty, then one day Prince Charming will notice them and choose to make her his wife. If parents chose their own daughters, a lot of us would never care for marriage at all which is likely why all this trauma was dumped onto us. They don’t want to feel embarrassed by having unmarried daughters who are independent. So instead they shame their bodies, take away their freedom, try to keep them as small and as invisible as possible.

Most of us on this subreddit have childhood trauma. It isn’t normal for people to believe they’re unloveable. We lacked secure, unconditional love from our parents, and therefore we internalised it. It’s significantly easier for a child to believe there’s something wrong internally rather than to blame their parents. If a child understands their parents arent safe, it shatters their whole reality. Self hatred is a coping mechanism of sorts. We carried this into adulthood bc we have always been looking for evidence to support this belief.

“If you’re not served love on a silver platter, you’ll learn to lick it off knives.”

“My family didn’t choose me. My friends didn’t choose me. I don’t feel secure enough to choose myself, but maybe Prince Charming will choose me bc this is what society has promised me. This is what my parents have been preparing me for.” The people in our lives tend to undervalue us bc we undervalue ourselves. I am 100% guilty of this myself.

The reason I wrote this is bc I see a reoccurring theme about girlies say there’s something wrong with them- myself included.

I would love the input of everyone on this page. Pls feel free to dm me too girlies if you wanna talk about this. I feel like this realised helped me understand myself a bit better.

I find that being invisible is a privilege bc people leave me alone which is nice. HOWEVER, I feel like this gets in the way when I’m actively trying to make friends.

I was talking to a friend. A girl I acquainted myself with comes up to us and hugs me. She then starts talking to my friend and compliments her multiple times. Both of these girls are STUNNING so Ofc it makes sense. What made me feel invisible is when the acquaintance starts talking to my friend and doesn’t look at me or acknowledge me at times when I do I say something. I understand she’s trying to get to know my friend too, but she didn’t really ask me any questions even when my friend wasn’t there. She genuinely seemed super excited when she was talking to my friend. Even after my friend left, she kept complimenting her on her appearance etc.

Part of me thought this was in my head so I didn’t post about it, but today I realised it wasn’t. The same people. Same situation. I was completely ignored. Almost zero eye contact, nobody listened to what I had to say, and both of them talked over me.

I told a friend about how someone was being kinda rude to me for no reason. A few days later the topic about her came up and all my friend did was compliment the girl who was being rude to me about her appearance. I agree that she’s stunning too but that doesn’t mean she has the right to be rude to someone she barely knows?

I understand that pretty girls wanna be friends with other pretty girls, but I also wanna be part of a friend group where I’m not ignored? I’m ignored in social settings even if I’m with my closest friends. I don’t believe anyone is doing this on purpose. It is definitely a subconscious thing they’re unaware of. I do feel under-appreciated with everyone in my life atm. There isn’t much I wouldnt do for my friends, but I know my effort has no meaning when I’m chopped. I do get ignored and when I don’t, I get made fun of in some capacity.

Basically the title. During arguments she tells me she wishes I would just die. She’s not religious, but she said she’ll start thanking the heavens for my death (:

I feel like bc I’m chopped I automatically do not have the right to have standards. Everyone else can have standards despite how outlandish it may seem. For me, it’s a compliment if anyone even gives me a chance? I also cannot fathom someone being attracted to me. If they tell me they are, I will never believe them. I know it will have some underlying motive tied to it.

I understand people have different “types” or whatever, but it would be delusional of me to think that I could be somebody’s “type.” It feels wrong to even imagine cute, fake scenarios bc it’s like I’m assaulting the imaginary person 😭😭😭

Lowkey the last sentence is kinda funny, but I’m being 100% serious rn girlies.

I cannot watch romance tv series without feeling uncomfortable or crying. I have to pause every time I watch even the most minor interactions between the characters bc I remember that I will never experience it.

I can’t even talk about hypotheticals most of the time bc it feels wrong to me. I can’t imagine someone falling in love with me bc it genuinely feels like I’m committing a crime. The idea that someone could love me is simply unfathomable.