Sibling struggled with disabled brother
I have a younger brother with a severe disability which means that he has to have dangerous surgery, many hospital appointments and could potentially go paralyzed as he has fused vertebrae going onto his spinal cord and many many hospital appointments and painful procedures. I know this makes me a bad person, and I wouldn’t wish all of the horrors my sweet amazing soul of a brother has to go through (he’s still always so happy) but i can’t feeling increasingly almost angry at him for having all of these issues and sad as I feel like all of his struggles make my parents so anxious and exhausted they don’t have enough left to give me the full attention I too deserve. My mum gets unhappy as I complain a lot about daily joint pain and dizziness (I have severe hypermobility/hEDS and possibly POTs) it ruined my competitive swimming and affects my ability to function. I’ve been to the doctors so many times but they said it was all in my head. Whenever I complain about any of this pain I get shouted at and told off by my parents who don’t have time for it-which I get as it’s not as severe as what my brother has to go through-but always been told to ‘get a grip’ and ‘toughen up’ while been expected to be the capable, academic child who has a chance of being successful makes me feel like my parents don’t care about me in the same way. When my brother has any ailment he get serious attention and no being shouted at or annoyed. I feel like any of my issues or success is drowned out by the noise of looming appointments and scary possibilities of what the future has to hold for my younger brother. My parents are so tired with it all-and I just wish that my brother could be normal so they had the energy to congratulate me on my successes and not be too tired to listen to my problems (even if they are minor compared to his). I wish that not every single conversation had to be centered around or mention his medical problems.
I know,
I’m a bad, selfish person, but i would also take away all of my brothers pain and carry it myself if i could