u/billbechur

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Today I saw the girl I had my first real crush on.Actually, I'd say she was my first love, even though it was completely one-sided.

I met her near the end of Class 7 in a weekend coaching class. I liked her from the very first day. She was beautiful, smart, confident—basically everything that 13-year-old me admired. I always felt she was way out of my league.

There was an older guy in the coaching, a year or two senior, and they eventually got together in class 8th only. Even then, I couldn't stop liking her.

After Class 8, I had to change school school because it was till class 8th only. I actually convinced my father to admit me to the same school she was in(she didn't change the school).

After 10 days in new school One of my friends somehow told her that I liked her. I already knew she would never feel the same way

I still remember the shock and kind of angry look on her face.

I made an excuse to my father that I didn't like the school and transferred to a government school instead.

That was the last time I saw her.

Fast forward today....12 years later.......

I had heard from mutual acquaintances that she got married, so none of that was news to me. But today I unexpectedly saw her in person.

She looked... familiar. Not in the sense that she looked like a kid anymore, obviously, but she still had that same presence that instantly took me back.

The strange part is, seeing her didn't hurt because she never chose me. We never even had that kind of relationship.

What hurt was seeing myself.

I'm 28–29, unemployed, never had a girlfriend, still living with my parents, and losing my hair.

The moment I noticed her, I just looked away and ran off.

I didn't want her to see me.

It wasn't embarrassment because of her—it was embarrassment about where I am in life.

For a second, I wondered if a part of me still loves her. Maybe I do.

Or maybe she has just become a symbol of a time when life felt full of possibilities.

I know she's married. I know there's nothing to be done, and I genuinely don't want to interfere with her life. That's not the point of this post.

The encounter just forced me to look at my own life. It made me realize that what I'm really grieving isn't losing her—it feels like I'm grieving the person I thought I'd become by this age.

I don't know if anyone else has experienced something like this, where meeting someone from your past suddenly makes you confront your present

.

If you've gone through something similar, I'd genuinely like to hear how you dealt with it.

TLDR: Saw my first one-sided love after 12 years. She's happily married now, and I wasn't hurt because I lost her—I was hurt because seeing her made me realize how disappointed I am with where my own life is. I walked away before she could see me, and the encounter made me want to get my life together.

Today I saw the girl I had my first real crush on. Actually, I'd say she was my first love, even though it was completely one-sided.

I met her near the end of Class 7 in a weekend coaching class. I liked her from the very first day. She was beautiful, smart, confident—basically everything that 13-year-old me admired. I always felt she was way out of my league.

There was an older guy in the coaching, a year or two senior, and they eventually got together in class 8th only.

Even then, I couldn't stop liking her.

After Class 8, I had to change school school because it was till class 8th only.

I actually convinced my father to admit me to the same school she was in(she didn't change the school).

After 10 days in new school One of my friends somehow told her that I liked her. I already knew she would never feel the same way

I still remember the shock and kind of angry look on her face.

I made an excuse to my father that I didn't like the school and transferred to a government school instead.

That was the last time I saw her.

Fast forward today....12 years later.......

I had heard from mutual acquaintances that she got married, so none of that was news to me. But today I unexpectedly saw her in person.

She looked... familiar. Not in the sense that she looked like a kid anymore, obviously, but she still had that same presence that instantly took me back.

The strange part is, seeing her didn't hurt because she never chose me. We never even had that kind of relationship.

What hurt was seeing myself.

I'm 28–29, unemployed, never had a girlfriend, still living with my parents, and losing my hair.

The moment I noticed her, I just looked away and ran off.

I didn't want her to see me.

It wasn't embarrassment because of her—it was embarrassment about where I am in life.

For a second, I wondered if a part of me still loves her.

Maybe I do.

Or maybe she has just become a symbol of a time when life felt full of possibilities.

I know she's married. I know there's nothing to be done, and I genuinely don't want to interfere with her life.

That's not the point of this post.

The encounter just forced me to look at my own life. It made me realize that what I'm really grieving isn't losing her—it feels like I'm grieving the person I thought I'd become by this age.

I don't know if anyone else has experienced something like this, where meeting someone from your past suddenly makes you confront your present

.

If you've gone through something similar, I'd genuinely like to hear how you dealt with it.

TLDR: Saw my first one-sided love after 12 years. She's happily married now, and I wasn't hurt because I lost her—I was hurt because seeing her made me realize how disappointed I am with where my own life is. I walked away before she could see me, and the encounter made me want to get my life together.

I'm a 28 year-old man, never married, and still a virgin.

For various reasons, I don't see myself getting married for at least another 2–3 years.

Over the years I've faced a lot of rejection while trying to date, and eventually I stopped approaching women.

I'm trying to work on myself instead of forcing interaction.

At the same time, I'm struggling with sexual frustration. I've been thinking about hiring an escort so I can experience sex instead of continuing to suppress these feelings.

My question is mainly for the women here:

1 If the man you eventually married told you that, before meeting you, he had paid for sex with an escort, how would you react?

2 Would you want him to tell you before marriage, or would you rather not know?

3 Would this be a deal-breaker for you?

4 if you had to choose, would you prefer a man who is still a virgin or someone who has paid for sex once before meeting you? Why?

5 People often say, "The past is the past." Does that apply to sexual history too, or are there parts of someone's past that would change how you see them?

6 Does the number of previous sexual partners matter to you? If yes, where do you personally draw the line, and why?

7 Do you think men and women are judged differently for their sexual past? If so, should the same standards apply to both?

8. If a man honestly told you before marriage that he had paid for sex once during a lonely phase of his life, would his honesty make a difference to your opinion?

9 Which matters more to you: a person's past choices or the person they have become today?

10 Is paying for sex fundamentally different from having multiple casual partners, or do you see them as equally part of someone's past?

I'm not looking for validation or judgment. I genuinely want to understand how women think about this situation before I make any decision.

Please be honest, even if your answer is uncomfortable to hear.

I'm looking for a workflow to organize information while reading web articles.

Every day I read 20–30 articles. I already have topic-based notes in Obsidian (e.g., Geography, Ethics, Climate, etc.), so I don't want to save every article as a separate note.

My ideal workflow is:

Highlight text on a webpage.

Press a shortcut (or use a browser extension).

Search for an existing Obsidian note.

Press Enter.

The highlighted text is appended to that note (preferably with the source URL).

Continue reading without switching to Obsidian.

I've tried Obsidian Web Clipper, QuickAdd, and Local REST API, but I couldn't find a way to dynamically choose an existing note for each clip.

TL;DR: Is there a way to highlight text on a webpage and quickly append it to any existing Obsidian note (selected via search/autocomplete) without leaving the browser?

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I've often heard the phrase "women don't like nice guys," but I think the term "nice guy" gets used in different ways.

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I'm not referring to the internet stereotype of a man who thinks being nice entitles him to a relationship. Instead, I'm talking about the stereotypical "nice guy" who's simply kind, straightforward, avoids conflict, minds his own business, isn't particularly outgoing or adventurous, may not have many hobbies, and perhaps lacks confidence or charisma.

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These are the traits people often point to when they say, "Women don't like nice guys."

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My question is: if a woman had the same traits—quiet, reserved, straightforward, not very assertive, doesn't have many hobbies, mostly keeps to herself—would society judge her the same way?

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It seems to me that these qualities are often more accepted, or even appreciated, in women. A quiet or reserved woman may be seen as feminine, modest, or "wife material," whereas a man with those same qualities is more likely to be seen as boring, lacking confidence, or unattractive.

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If we're striving for equality, shouldn't these personality traits be viewed similarly regardless of gender? Or is there something I'm missing?

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I'd love to hear women's perspectives:

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Do you think this comparison is fair?

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Are these traits judged differently in men and women?

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Do women with these personalities face the same disadvantages, but in different ways?

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TL;DR: Society often says women don't like "nice guys," where "nice" refers to a kind, reserved, conflict-avoidant, low-key man rather than the entitled internet stereotype. If a woman had the same personality traits, would she be judged as negatively, or are these qualities more socially accepted in women? Curious to hear women's perspectives.

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