In love with a Poly experienced partner who I fear I am boring sexually
In love and committed to a great girl with a much more progressive and open sexual history than me
EDIT: I am a 33m , partner is a 23f to clarify
Me and my girl have been together a year , I knew her a year prior casually and we became friends
She’s amazing, incredibly supportive and genuine . She has made sacrifices for me ( and I her ) and we are at the phase of moving in together recently . We are getting serious about our future and communicate often .
Even before dating I knew how sexual she was and the fact she was very experienced in all sorts of ways that I am not . She is 23f I am 33m and she has over 100 partners , to my 30-50. She also is queer and has had sexual partners of all genders / sexual orientations / much older partners / trans /bondage and orgy situations etc .
I knew all of this going in and none of it bothers me , I actually think it’s really hot how open she is because she matches my freak more than any partner I’ve had , but I’m realizing to her that our ssx life might be relatively vanilla .
She has a lot of friends in poly relationships as well. We have been fully monogamous thru our relationship and she recently hinted ( pretty directly ) at a MFM threesome .
I should start by saying the early months were confusing for me , as she is naturally very flirtatious and provocative . I used to get blind sided by ways she would interact with people in public / events parties etc . She always understood , always admitted it was something she’s never really had to think about and she has made changes . Long story short , It was getting to the point I was starting to feel controlling
She has not crossed any lines of what I see as a “normal” committed relationship . no cheating , nothing malicious or sneaky at all . Anything inappropriate was always right in front of me , and she was always caught off guard and apologetic when it did bother me .
Recently something clicked . She is who she is , and I was aware of who she was . I was ignorant , and she’s young and I do believe she is in love with me like no other person she’s experienced this far in her life ( same with me ).
I’m worried that the expectation of a monogamous relationship may be what breaks us in the long run . I want her to be satisfied and happy and herself . She even said we will always be a package deal in any poly situation as we talked a bit more about it . I have never even breached the thought of a poly relationship , but with her it doesn’t seem like a “bad” thing to me because of how much I love her .
She had a very long roster of sexual partners before we committed , I’m not insecure about her loyalty . She chose me , after a year of knowing her causally and seeing how often she ended things with people due to their need for commitment .
How do I navigate this in my head and heart? I can’t figure out how I feel , but it’s less about her and more about me . Do I try this out , and if I can’t handle it then maybe letting her go is the right thing to do anyway so she does not have to minimize herself and her sexuality ?
Sorry I know this is terribly written . Spiralling a bit