AITAH for becoming friends with my best friends boyfriends ex?
AITA for becoming friends with my best friend’s boyfriend’s ex?
Please help. Friendship breakup
Hannah (27F) and I (27F) have been best friends for 10 years. We were extremely close and basically inseparable.
Last year, I became friends with Olivia (26F) through field hockey. Hockey has honestly been a lifesaver for me, and I’ve made some incredible friendships.
One night, Olivia and I were having a few drinks with some of our teammates when we realised we had both dated the same guy, Cam. We laughed about it because she dated him in high school and I dated him during COVID, so neither of us really cared.
A little while later, after a group photo of me and Olivia was posted, Hannah told me that Olivia had previously dated her boyfriend Tate, who she’d been with for about a year.
Apparently Olivia and Tate had a very messy ending. I don’t know the details because Hannah has never really explained what happened, other than that it was bad.
After seeing another group photo of me hanging out with Olivia, Hannah stopped talking to me.
She eventually asked me to meet her at the local beach so we could talk.
This conversation became extremely heated. Hannah told me I had betrayed her, that I wasn’t loyal and said “I wouldn’t do this to my best friend, but that’s just me.” I was completely caught off guard and started crying. She then said “You always do this with the waterworks.” I told her that the conversation was becoming nasty and asked what she would do if she were in my position. She eventually said that as long as she could trust me, she thought it should be okay. I thought we’d worked through it, but now I feel silly thinking that.
A while later, I invited Hannah and Tate to a weekend away with a group of friends. They couldn’t attend. Some of the other friends who were going asked if Olivia could come as well, as most of the group were people I’d met through hockey.
Hannah and I later met for coffee, and she was stand off ish for a while and then finally said that she was disappointed that I’d put her and Tate in that position by having Olivia there. I asked whether Tate had said anything to her about it, but she said no. We talked through it and I was honestly hurt that she questioned my loyalty again.
After that coffee, things seemed okay again. Hannah came over to see my new flat, we caught up, and I gave her a pearl bracelet for her birthday. I thought things were improving. Then she stopped speaking to me again.
It’s now been about four months. I’ve reached out several times and tried to maintain contact, but she hasn’t responded.
She did message me a while after my grandfather died to say she was sory and was thinking of my family. She also messaged me on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday and hope I’d had a great day. But otherwise, we’ve had no real contact.
I don’t want to minimise what happened between Tate and Olivia. If their breakup was genuinely traumatic or involved something I don’t know about, I can understand why Hannah would be upset by me becoming friends with Olivia.
At the same time, I didn’t become friends with Olivia because of her history with Tate. I met her through hockey, became friends with her, and only found out about the connection afterwards. I also haven’t tried to make Hannah spend time with Olivia, get involved in their history, or choose Olivia over Hannah.
So, AITA for becoming friends with Olivia and continuing that friendship despite knowing she was my best friend’s boyfriend’s ex?
And now that Hannah hasn’t spoken to me for four months despite my attempts to reach out, where do I go from here?