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u/blehimschizo

r/lacunacoil r/Dragonforce r/schizophrenia
▲ 20 r/schizophrenia

Can I have schizophrenia without having any problems with hygiene?

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I’m 17. I’ve been diagnosed with schizophrenia twice (in March and June) by the same doctor, who is very experienced and highly respected. I’m currently in a psychiatric hospital where they’re adjusting my medication (I’m taking cariprazine 4.5 mg + other medications), and I seem to be in remission now.

However, the psychiatric hospital I’m currently in diagnosed me with schizotypal disorder because, in my country, they apparently can’t officially diagnose someone with a serious disorder like schizophrenia before the age of 18. But here’s the thing: my doctor at the hospital told me that I’m a “wrong kind of schizophrenic” because I’ve never had problems with hygiene.

Quite the opposite, actually. I’ve always been very concerned about keeping my body clean. Even during my most severe psychotic episodes, I would shower or wash myself every day, or at least every other day. I also didn’t always just throw on random clothes — I had specific outfits and looks that I put together.

When the water supply was cut off because of the bombing (I’m from Ukraine), I would heat water in a pot and use that to wash myself. At that point, the things I cared about most were having access to Lacuna Coil and keeping my body clean.

Even now, in the hospital, I shower every day, even if I have to use cold water. A year ago, during my first hospitalization for psychosis, there was a situation where I wasn’t allowed to wash myself. I walked around the ward screaming delusional things about the end of the world happening on August 29th, and I kept alternating that with screaming that they wouldn’t let me wash myself.

How unusual is this in the context of schizophrenia? Does this actually cast doubt on whether my diagnosis is correct? Are there other people with experiences similar to mine?

I’d be really interested to hear any thoughts or experiences.

reddit.com
u/blehimschizo — 3 months ago
▲ 49 r/lacunacoil

New additions to my collection!!

• Dark Adrenaline (Limited Edition)

• Delirium (Limited Edition Digipak)

• Karmacode (Poster Edition)

• Shallow Life

• Broken Crown Halo

• Manifesto of Lacuna Coil

I managed to grab all six CDs for about $30 shipped to Ukraine. Some of them are pretty rare, especially the Dark Adrenaline Limited Edition and the Delirium Limited Edition Digipak.

PS, I also forgot to add my unleashed memories limited digipack

u/blehimschizo — 3 months ago
▲ 36 r/schizophrenia

Drawings from my psychosis

I'd like to share some of the drawings I made during psychosis. The third drawing is unfinished because I'm now in remission.

The first drawing was inspired by the song "Word Salad" by Annihilator, second by "Fragile" by Lacuna Coil, and the fourth by "bats in The Belfry" by Annihilator. Both of them have a much bigger story behind them.

Thank you for taking the time to look at them.

u/blehimschizo — 4 months ago
▲ 29 r/schizophrenia

How do I deal with the constant urge to stop taking my medication and return to psychosis?

I'm 17. Doctors initially diagnosed me with schizotypal disorder, but the most recent diagnosis was schizophrenia. I was in psychosis for a very long time, around a year. And I grieve it so much.

I can't seem to live a normal life anymore. I can't get used to the fact that Cristina Scabbia isn't my mother, that parallel worlds don't exist, or that the whole world doesn't hate me. I feel awful.

Every day I think about stopping my cariprazine, but if I do, everyone I still have in my life will turn away from me. It would be the end of my future and my education. My friend even told me she would leave if it happened again. Nobody was able to handle me before, and I doubt anyone would want to stay.

My depersonalization makes everything much worse. After the psychosis, I developed an entire story about my identity. I am Alice, but that's a lie because the name in my passport is Alyona. Alice was trapped inside a simulation built around Alyona so that Alice would pay for Alyona's sins. I know this sounds delusional, but I haven't been able to truly feel like Alyona since all of this started.

I'm in a lot of pain.

How do I deal with the constant urge to stop taking my medication and return to psychosis? Has anyone else experienced something similar?

reddit.com
u/blehimschizo — 4 months ago
▲ 7 r/Dragonforce

DragonForce stickers/emojis for Telegram (700+)

Not sure how many Telegram users are here since it's mostly a CIS thing, but I wanted to share my humble DragonForce emoji/sticker packs for Telegram. Around 600+ animated stickers, memes, and all that good stuff.

Just in case someone besides me and my small DF‑aware circle finds them useful, y'know.

Here’s the TG channel where you can find it all:@dragonforcesex

u/blehimschizo — 5 months ago
▲ 9 r/schizophrenia

Yesterday I hit 5000 listens on my favorite song — Word Salad

Yesterday I hit 5000 listens on my favorite song — Word Salad. I honestly can’t put into words what this album means to me. I lost my “self” and replaced it with the character from the album, Alison. I can’t imagine myself looking any other way. My actual appearance is far from hers, but when I think of myself, I see her.

In March it will be a year since I’ve been suffering from psychosis. I’ve been listening to this song for 8 months. I relate to every single line of the album Alice in Hell — they described my psychosis so accurately. I’m planning to buy a dozen copies of the album when I have the money. I’m scared I’ll spend all my money on my music obsessions.

During my psychosis I believed the attraction was physical — that I was physically connected to the music, that it wasn’t random, and that every lyric I listen to somehow describes me. I can talk for hours about Annihilator’s music, especially their albums about Alison. I don’t understand how some young guitarist with no money managed to describe my psychosis so perfectly, lol. But for a year now I’ve been listening to this album every single day.

I want to share with someone what the lyrics of Word Salad, Bloodbath, Fun Palace mean to me. They feel completely intertwined with who I am. My “self” is basically the psychosis. It was born from the psychosis and everything that came with it. And the person I was supposed to be just hates me and refuses to speak.

I really love the forum format, but I was afraid to post anything for a long time. I have SPD, and I’ve had at least two psychotic episodes and hospitalizations this year. Because of poor contact with doctors, they don’t know a lot, but recently I managed to tell them about the voices — which is a big achievement for me because of my speech issues. I was diagnosed with schizotypal disorder 5 times and schizophrenia twice.

Thank you. I hope this post fits the subreddit and that I’ll be able to keep sharing the hidden meanings I find.

u/blehimschizo — 5 months ago