Gay men keep harrasing me and I am sick of it
I am an early 30s straight man, and I live with my girlfriend.
Since I was 17, gay men have been extremely forward in their interest in me. Some of it has been polite advances. Some of it has been outright sexual harassment and assault.
I grew up in an awesome, bustling Midwestern city, and the gay community there is very alive. Before I went to Marine Corps boot camp at 18, I even made out with a really hot dude at a party who had been eyeing me. It wasn’t for me, but I thought I would give it a shot.
Since then, though, it has gotten really bad.
I think I mostly attract gay men because I have a seriously crazy butt for a man, and I am fairly athletic and muscular. I carry myself well. I am not trying to paint myself as some hot guy every gay man wants, but I promise this is true. It has happened enough. My girlfriend has seen it. My friends have seen it.
When I started college after my enlistment, a few gay men made advances toward me. Like I said, some were polite, but others were touchy-feely. Some told me they were specifically interested in “converting” straight men. Creepy, but at least three of them said that to me.
One time, I was by myself smoking a joint on a pier, and a man came walking up to me. I was polite and offered him a rip. Instead, he touched my crotch and started taking photos on his phone. It was bizarre.
The last major instance was this past spring. I made friends with an older, rich gay guy at the pool. We saw each other all the time in the morning during lap swim. He was obviously gay, and I knew that, but despite all of my other off-putting experiences with gay men, I still decided to take him up on his offer to go to his ranch and ride horses.
He was funny and seemed to have a cool personality. He also kept bees. He said he liked smoking weed. Honestly, it sounded awesome, especially because I had only been on a horse once or twice before.
We had a great time. We smoked in his barn, rode horses, and when we got back, I started telling him about some of my negative experiences with gay men being weird and pushy. He told me to elaborate, so I did.
When I finished, he begged to suck my dick and lick my asshole.
I was stunned, because I had literally just finished telling him, maybe 30 seconds earlier, how this exact sort of thing happens to me all the time. I started getting tunnel vision and thought I was going to faint. I left immediately and started avoiding him at the pool by going at off-hours.
Since then, I cut one of my best friends out of my life. He is bisexual, and I got too grossed out by the things he said about his sex life. It felt like all he wanted was sex, and like he objectified the men and women in his life.
I still have a few acquaintances who are gay or bi, but I keep my distance now.
I have become homophobic. I feel bad saying that, but it is true.
Recently, I went to meet a friend who was in town. He is friends with a lot of gay guys. We met up with some of them in Central Park, and they were all doing coke and day drinking at 3 p.m. on a beautiful day. People were out with their families, and these six gay dudes were just getting fucked up. I felt extremely uncomfortable, and that feeling of wanting to pass out came over me again. I made an excuse and left.
I never thought I would go from making out with a dude and never thinking twice about someone’s sexuality, to wanting nothing to do with gay men and even feeling grossed out by them. But that is where I am now.
When I think of gay men, all I can think about is how hedonistic, pushy, and unwholesome a lot of my experiences with them have felt. I know that is not fair to apply to everyone, but after enough bad experiences, that is where my mind goes.
I am not proud of it, but I am definitely homophobic now.
Found an amazing BBQ pulled chicken recipe. Also, some roasted potatos.
Edit: for the record, I don't think this is specifically a gay man thing. I think it is just generally a man thing.
Edit 2: Thanks again for everyone’s input. At the end of the day, I have my feelings and am going to live my life. We all have our own experiences! Lucky to have an amazing family and friends! Good luck to everyone and make the most of it :)