So I was trying to find something to learn in insta. And I found a girl teaching sign language and I was actually interested in those things , I followed and tried to learn and next day I see that she deleted her account (maybe idk just its not there) . I was so sad over it like I got to learn something and she deleted the account even after having 40k+ followers🥀
Like really toxic, they shit talked me just because a glass dropped and boom both are onto me shouting on me like crazy . Villianizing me as if I have committed grave sins and acting like gods themselves. And listen, when I talked about when my dad slapped my mother and I protected her, she defending him like "its normal to abuse and that when they growup" , and kept saying that I SHOULD NOT abuse like lol (I just said that I am not a bokachda). My dad slapped and abused and that's completely fine , so what is she's trying to say that its completely fine If I do such things like my dad if I grow up ofc not but no... . And the amount of emotional manipulation and gaslighting that "dad is thinking 2 steps ahead blah blah (he couldn't even give me a proper coaching for 10th and jee) " my mom also denied for any coaching but now 3 years later after seeing she's the one saying why didn't I take any coaching ( what should I even say atp) . I am mentally exhausted currently after such things I have been suffering from a neuro related problem which concerns me about my future and they aren't capable to understand that at all. I am telling the reason I survived year 2023 is a solid prove of mentally strong I am (it was the most traumatic year of my life) . I am tired they don't get it , they never tried to understand me at all just blames me . Everyday I think i should have been aborted , I never wanted this life. No one gets me . Should I just die now? , do you know dad said this too (although not like this very very bluntely) . It feels like I won't survive long . And you know what will happen now I had eat their cooked food ,they never taught me how to cook . I have learned everything on my own from lkg to any other subjects(why should I do all things on my own without any guidance?). The only thing that one made me happy that I once scored 97/100 in sst during my 10th boards . And now I have wbjee on 24 may (and they keep asking how my prep constantly, . You wanna know my dream u wanted to do phd (or masters)from foreign (do guide me if you know something about it )
P.S- SORRY if it looks complicated to read , there are my feelings .I don't want validation sorry if it looks like one. I never shared this . But its a truth that I want people to notice me and and ask me," how I am? " (Its tough for me , maybe I am weak mentally idk).I feel like there is a emotional void in me .
So I am giving entrance exams after not making it in jee , but the things is my mind is completely blank because my marks in boards aren't that good I am completely relied on wbjee as an exam for college , my parents refused to let me apply for other exams too because of distance . I just keep thinking that If I don't make it this time then what will I do. Am I doomed? This thoughts aren't letting me study at all I am constantly tensed . Idk what to say tbh like will I make it or will I fail again. It doesn't looks like my life is in positive direction .I am scared
Hope it gets approved