Here’s a little photo dump. Feel free to ask me questions if needed!
I really like my result ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡
One thing I find funny is that on my left scar I have a little bump and it looks little tiny nipple lol. In think they’re trying to come back! 😂
Hi,
First of all, I just wanna say that I am not fluent in English so if I make mistakes while writing or if some sentences doesn’t make any sense I apologize.
I was born a female and my gender falls into the non-binary spectrum, I’m Agender.
I started questioning my gender identity when I was 13 y/o and I came out to my parents at 15 y/o as non-binary. My father didn’t accept it and stopped living with him the same year to go live with my mom. She accepted me and she was confused at first but put effort in understanding my situation and helped me through my transition. I got top surgery at 17 y/o and I am so grateful that I had to experience this with my mom. It was the best moment of my life and I would do it all over again. It helped a lot with my dysphoria and depression. However, it didn’t solve all my problems (I was aware it wouldn’t).
I’m currently 19 y/o and my gender dysphoria has been getting worse this past week. All of this is really sudden and confusing for me because I thought I was getting better with the other aspects of my dysphoria (clothes, other body parts, voice, etc.).
Lately, every clothes I wear makes me feel terribly dysphoric and I’m starting to not even wanna go outside anymore. I feel too masculine and feminine at the same time and I do not know how to deal with it.. I thought maybe finding the clothes I’ve been wanting for a long time would help so I went shopping after class today. However, as soon as I entered the store, stress started to build up. Seeing the “man and women” section made me feel sick I tried to just ignore it and started to look at stuff but then a guy started disfiguring me, then a woman. In a split second I saw my body in the mirror and I wanted to throw up. So I left the store empty handed.
I absolutely hate the way my tights look. I feel disgusting, too feminine. The first year after my top surgery I loved the way my chest looked more masculine/androgynous and the rest of my body more feminine but not anymore. It’s driving me crazy.
I don’t want to take testosterone and I don’t wanna be a man tho. I’m having a hard time knowing how I wanna look like because EVERYTHING feels too gendered.
I’m making this post because even if my mom is supportive she does not fully understand my reality. Once I tried to talk to her about how my period was giving me a lot of discomfort and distress but she just told me “everyone has to deal with it, stop complaining, it’s how life is” and it hurt me a lot. I know it’s true but still. That’s when I realized that she didn’t really understand my reality even if she has been supportive for my surgery. I think she understands how my breast gave me distress but not the reality of gender dysphoria. I also want to get my Fallopian tubes and uterus removed and she doesn’t like the idea. So yeah, I feel alone and miserable and I would appreciate some advice or even just someone that is experiencing the same as me. It would help a little.
Thank you for reading this.