u/bojack2121

I am not religious. I was once a christian but have lost my faith and I have found myself admiring maa kali. I have been a big fan of buddhist teachings, but… my heart seeks redemption where buddhism asks you to let go. Hinduism on the other hand, the more i read about it, the more i look at their godesses the more attracted i get. I feel as if my heart has been searching for maa kali. As if we were meant to meet. I feel attached, soul tied to her.. but when i think of manifesting and praying to her i get this feeling of anxiety in my chest. How can one desire and be afraid at the same time. What should i do?