u/brownmtn

I (49M) have struggled with depression for 2-3 decades at this point. For the last year and a half, though, it's been smooth sailing. A big thing that's kept me depressed is my career, but I've decided to change careers, while I'm still working full time, I'm also in college again for the first time since the 1900's. It's actually been great.

But as soon as my last class wrapped up this semester, the depression hit hard. It's like my brain said, "Hey, I've noticed you've been feeling good lately. Here, let me kick you in the balls." I haven't felt this low in years. I'm doubting every decision I've ever made. I feel worthless, weak and powerless. Rumination. All the fun stuff. I'm having to fight my feelings and thoughts all day long.

Every time in my life that it's been this bad, I've eventually gotten through it. But (tired analogy) it's like climbing a hill. It's exhausting. And honestly, with everything else going on in my life, I don't know where the energy is going to come from this time.

Also, support system (family) is about to leave the country for 3 weeks. I can't go because of summer classes. But I'm looking at a lot of alone time during a time I'd rather not be alone with my thoughts. Anyway, if anyone has any advice, I thank you in advance.