u/bumblebeebuttface

So long story short, I went on a recent joint family trip with my husband’s family, my husband (we’re both late 20s), and my family (so our parents and siblings) recently. For the most part it was a fun experience, but recently there’s been some fallout.

The last day of that trip (which was already short), my MIL sprung on us that they have some relatives “close” (2 hours away) to the city we were visiting, and that they have invited us over and that we should all go that evening, which would pretty much take a 6 hour chunk in an already-packed day, when we also have flights the next day. I wasn’t actually present when this convo first happened, it was my husband and both our moms sitting all together for breakfast at the Airbnb we were at, while I was getting dressed for the day with my sisters in our parents’ room. Apparently my husband immediately jumped in and said no, that we had plans set for that day, that if they wanted everyone to visit these relatives that they should have mentioned it well before the trip while planning, that making this 2 hour trip out suddenly to meet these people is something no one wants to do, etc. Also in general, these relatives are really weird so he didn’t want to visit. My own mom came in and told me about all this later, and I expressed not wanting to go and agreeing with my husband. (Though my husband told me later that my own mom kind of took his mom’s side when he first said no due to filial piety and whatnot).

We went on for the rest of the day, and there was def uncertainty regarding plans for that evening, but I knew that I didn’t want to go, and my husband said he would support me in not going as well, and that he’ll go on behalf of me and I can just hang out with our siblings that evening. At some point later that day though, my mom approached me privately, and said that my MIL was very upset about our lack of enthusiasm at these sudden plans, and she then began to go on to my parents about how apparently I’m the one “convincing” my husband to not want to visit these relatives, etc. Not wanting to rock the boat, I wound up going (which was fine, but I was ultimately upset about feeling like I was being blamed by my MIL for these sudden plans not being accommodated for so easily).

Fast forward to now, a week or two after the trip, and my husband and I are reminiscing about the trip. The topic of visiting that relative came up, and he was still puzzled as to why I went and gave in. I wound up telling him about my mom telling me that my MIL was complaining about me, and how I was “convincing” him not to go, and how I felt blamed for it. He seemed gobsmacked at that, and mentioned how that seems out of character for her, but said that that’s not right and that he’d speak with her.

He called her later that day while I was sitting next to him (though my MIL didn’t know I was there), and after some light conversation, the tldr is that my husband ended up trying to explain to her that she crossed boundaries regarding how she handled everything during the last day of that trip, and that it’s not ok. He never did mention the “blaming me” thing though, since we weren’t sure how to do so without throwing my mom under the bus. She immediately got defensive, and kept bringing up how MY parents were the ones that were pushing for this last minute plan change, how they’re the ones that made everyone go, and because they seemed so eager to visit these relatives, she herself was powerless to stop these plans, etc.

I was listening the whole time kind of gobsmacked bc I know my parents would not care to visit these relatives and also, when my parents came into the room that morning while me and my sisters were getting ready, I could overhear my parents trying to think of ways to avoid all this. I def feel like there is *some* truth in them “wanting” to go, but I imagine it was more out of wanting to be polite towards my in laws.

During the phone call, my MIL then asked my husband things like, “Are these really your complaints, or are they your wife’s? Is she a really critical person?” Etc. She also made some other comments about me that made me feel like I am being painted in a vapid manner, but thankfully my husband shut that down.

The phone call ended eventually and there seemed to be a mutual understanding, but not even five minutes later she called him back again, and she was clearly in tears and crying about how my husband “doesn’t support and show up for his younger brothers” the way I apparently do for my sisters (she’s completely ignoring the fact that I have a higher paying job with way more flexible time off in comparison to my husband, so it’s far easier for me to “show up” for my siblings in the way she’s thinking of), how I never make an effort with my husband’s family (despite the fact that I talk to and text his family way more than my husband talks to either of our families, I am the one constantly pushing for us to visit his family and maintain relations, etc.), making me out to be this critical person, how she apparently has a lot of problems with me that she keeps to herself, etc. And overall she kept crying about how painful it is that he always picks at “little things” about her (independent of this situation), how she feels unfairly blamed, and how he doesn’t do a lot for his family.

This post is already long enough, but long story short, my husband did feel rly bad after that second phone call because of how emotional she got, so he called her back the next day to try to make amends. Idk what was said during that third call because I was busy with other stuff, but apparently she said she wanted to call me to “clear the air”, which my husband encouraged (which I did not appreciate). When she finally did call a few moments later, I did not pick up because I worried it would actually just be her being defensive and blaming my family. I also did not want to have to explain that the issue is that I felt unfairly blamed initially, and that it was something my mom related to me. Idk if that was the right move, and maybe she really did want to make things better, but yeah I feel guilty about it. I also told my husband I felt uncomfortable talking to her without him there (and we won’t have the chance to all sit down together talk until next weekend due to our work schedules) and he said he would handle it. Was I overreacting or being unfair or rude? It’s been a couple of days since all this and idk what the right move is now. Idk if I should call my MIL any time soon, whether I should talk to my mom, whether this is worth even thinking about any more, etc. I really don’t know what to make of everything.

My MIL will sometimes make rude or snide comments about me, either directly to my parents or to me, without my husband around. Because we all live in different states, the only time these things even happen is during a large family trip, or a family visit, etc. Basically in situations where you want the vibes to stay good. Because of that, I am never sure how to really proceed or what to do, since even though those comments do upset me in the moment, I don’t want to being anyone’s mood down or create issues by mentioning it. And by the time the trip or visit is over, I just don’t care as much any more? But obviously these comments and their impact still continues to be a problem.

As a most recent example, my husband and I did a joint family trip this summer to a major US city with both of our families. Due to logistics, we could all only be there for a small handful of days, and we pretty much planned out the itinerary and everything in advance because we felt that would be easiest with a large group of people. We let everyone know in advance, collaborated with everyone on what they wanted to do, and everyone seemed on board with everything.

On the last day of the trip, my MIL springs on everyone that she has some distant relatives (who none of us in the 10 person group really care for tbh) living a couple of hours away from the city we were visiting, and that half of us will have to go with her to visit them. I was def annoyed at this last minute notification, but more than anything, my husband was very upset at my MIL for springing this on us so last minute when everything was planned months in advance with multiple check-ins along the way, and a whole bunch of other reasons that I won’t go into here. In the end, my husband and I figured that MIL and FIL could go visit those relatives, but the rest of us (me, him, my parents, all of our siblings that were also on this trip), would carry on with the day as originally planned.

Apparently at some point later in the day, while my MIL was in private with my FIL and my parents, she went on a whole tirade about how I am apparently the one that “brainwashed” her son into being upset about these last minute plans, and how if it weren’t for me, her son would happily go and visit these relatives, how her son would be more cooperative about these last minute changes, etc. I only found this out from my mom.

Ultimately my question is, how do I deal with all this? Also it makes me feel bad that my MIL feels so comfortable ranting about me and my actions to my parents, and also about a general pattern here. Why does she do this?

This morning while getting ready for work, I heard my Kidde plug-in CO monitor go off in a repeated 4 beep pattern. The digital display also read 442 (probably for PPM?) and the reading was pulsing/faintly flashing. I was puzzled by this because we have no gas appliances in my apartment complex, so I pressed the Test/Reset button, and the display was then at 0 and it stopped beeping, and has stayed that way since. I also pressed a “Peak Level” button, and it said 999. Basically, me hearing the CO monitor go off with a reading, me grabbing it and resetting, and seeing the display then show 0 all happened within a minute.

I didn’t do much about it at first because once again, all my appliance are electric, and also idk how CO can go from 442 to 0 within 1-2 min. But I continued being super paranoid about it and called the fire department a couple of hours later to do a sweep of my apartment. When they came by they said there was no carbon monoxide present and that’s it. I also let the apartment management know of the event, but I don’t think they’re looking into it any further given that the FD came by. I’m kind of embarrassed by the whole thing tbh.

Is there anything else to do on my end? My building was constructed in 2024 btw, and I’ve had my CO monitor since 2023 (I actually had it for my previous apt, and just brought it and plugged it in to this one bc why not). I’m just worried there could be some type of CO gas leak (don’t know how that would be possible though) and it could become dangerous again.

I’m going out of town for about a week, and hired a sitter off of Rover to drop by and check on my cat throughout that time. I had her come by over the weekend to do a “meet and greet” with my cat and show her around, but something that really bothered me was the fact that she kept her shoes on the entire time.

Our house is a very strict no-shoes household in general, and we even have a huge shoe rack right by the front door. On top of that, I was wearing some sandals while answering the door for her (just cuz I don’t like to be barefoot in the area right in front of the door since we obviously walk into that area with shoes on right when we come from outside), and when I noticed her walk comfortably walk into my apt with her shoes on, I said out loud, “Lemme just take my shoes off real quick and then I’ll show you around!” Hoping she’ll get the hint. She just watched me and still kept her shoes on and walked all over our rugs.

I didn’t know how to ask in the moment, and it bothers me that I didn’t clearly just ask her to take them off right then and there, but in hindsight I guess I felt kind of weird doing so when she ignored the stuff I mentioned above. Would there be a not-offensive way to do it before her first official drop in? The best time to do this was before the meet and greet obviously, but it’s too late for that. My cat also gets GI issues very easily and she is strictly indoors, so idk…I’m just concerned about the whole thing.

So I had an awful night last night. I don’t even know where to begin, but I feel like in a way the course for how awful last night was set days ago. Sorry if this sounds like I’m rambling, but I guess I just wanted to yell into the void.

To start, I have been feeling down and sad since this past weekend because my husband went out of town and he won’t be back until this upcoming weekend. I feel like I experience really bad “separation anxiety” when he’s away for a long time because I miss him and worry about something bad happening, so at baseline I was anxious.

And then Sunday night I began experiencing eye irritation, which I went to the eye doctor for on Monday (where they prescribed me drops). Then yesterday I began using those eye drops but began freaking out about side effects, so I spammed Reddit and ChatGPT and even the doctor’s office all day with questions, and couldn’t even focus at work. Then yesterday night I began experiencing other eye symptoms, which the internet said I need to go to the ER for (I didn’t). Obviously that spiked my anxiety at baseline, so yeah.

And then before bed last night I FaceTimed my husband, and we decided to just leave FaceTime open and sleep through the night so that in a way we’re still “sleeping together”. Usually my husband falls asleep faster than I do, and because I was already sort of anxious about the eye stuff, I decided to scroll Reddit to help me “get bored” and fall asleep.

I made the mistake of clicking on an AskReddit thread about common health warnings that people shouldn’t ignore, and one of the top comments was about sleep apnea and how left untreated, can lead to cardiac death. I then went down a spiral about how all the people I love most show signs of sleep apnea but haven’t seen anyone for it yet, and I began frantically going down the rabbit hole of research and getting more and more anxious. At some point I actually broke down sobbing and dry heaving for a good 15-20 min, and my mind was going at a million miles an hour.

I managed to calm myself down enough to at least try sleeping at around 3:30 am, but any time I would get to the point where I could start to lose consciousness, I would get anxious (like I’d get palpitations and shallow breathing) and wake up again. Which then made me anxious about not being able to fall asleep. I even took Zyrtec to help me sleep (usually it works like a charm to make me drowsy enough to crash as soon as my head hits a pillow) but even that did not work. Eventually it became morning, and here we are.

I’m WFH today thankfully, but I have a doctor’s appointment later, and I am already dreading trying to sleep tonight because I worry that I won’t be able to, and I’ll get chronic insomnia and never sleep again. Most of all, the separation anxiety has been incredibly tough, and I wish I was one of those women who could see their husband being away as an opportunity to have fun (ie eat what they want, watch what they want, have the bed to themselves, etc) but I am just not enjoying this. Sorry for saying a lot. I literally could not sleep and I am just not having a good time. Any tips for getting through….all of this?

TLDR: days of health anxiety and separation anxiety led to me not being able to sleep

So I had an awful night last night. I don’t even know where to begin, but I feel like in a way the course for how awful last night was set days ago. Sorry if this sounds like I’m rambling, but I guess I just wanted to yell into the void.

To start, I have been feeling down and sad since this past weekend because my husband went out of town and he won’t be back until this upcoming weekend. I feel like I experience really bad “separation anxiety” when he’s away for a long time because I miss him and worry about something bad happening, so at baseline I was anxious.

And then Sunday night I began experiencing eye irritation, which I went to the eye doctor for on Monday (where they prescribed me drops). Then yesterday I began using those eye drops but began freaking out about side effects, so I spammed Reddit and ChatGPT and even the doctor’s office all day with questions, and couldn’t even focus at work. Then yesterday night I began experiencing other eye symptoms, which the internet said I need to go to the ER for (I didn’t). Obviously that spiked my anxiety at baseline, so yeah.

And then before bed last night I FaceTimed my husband, and we decided to just leave FaceTime open and sleep through the night so that in a way we’re still “sleeping together”. Usually my husband falls asleep faster than I do, and because I was already sort of anxious about the eye stuff, I decided to scroll Reddit to help me “get bored” and fall asleep.

I made the mistake of clicking on an AskReddit thread about common health warnings that people shouldn’t ignore, and one of the top comments was about sleep apnea and how left untreated, can lead to cardiac death. I then went down a spiral about how all the people I love most show signs of sleep apnea but haven’t seen anyone for it yet, and I began frantically going down the rabbit hole of research and getting more and more anxious. At some point I actually broke down sobbing and dry heaving for a good 15-20 min, and my mind was going at a million miles an hour.

I managed to calm myself down enough to at least try sleeping at around 3:30 am, but any time I would get to the point where I could start to lose consciousness, I would get anxious (like I’d get palpitations and shallow breathing) and wake up again. Which then made me anxious about not being able to fall asleep. I even took Zyrtec to help me sleep (usually it works like a charm to make me drowsy enough to crash as soon as my head hits a pillow) but even that did not work. Eventually it became morning, and here we are.

I’m WFH today thankfully, but I have a doctor’s appointment later, and I am already dreading trying to sleep tonight because I worry that I won’t be able to, and I’ll get chronic insomnia and never sleep again. Most of all, the separation anxiety has been incredibly tough, and I wish I was one of those women who could see their husband being away as an opportunity to have fun (ie eat what they want, watch what they want, have the bed to themselves, etc) but I am just not enjoying this. Sorry for saying a lot. I literally could not sleep and I am just not having a good time. Any tips for getting through….all of this?

TLDR: days of health anxiety and separation anxiety led to me not being able to sleep