New here. - a few questions
M21. One year clean from chronic cannabis use (and cannabis in general)
when i was 14, i couldn’t get my hands on the stuff (i was a goody goody about not wanting to get caught or have my parents find out) - but i did have friends who smoked. i was obsessed with trying it. i spent about half of my time imaging how amazing it would be to try it - i remember writing pages on pages of information about the plant. basically everything there was to know. by the time i was 17, i finally got my hands on carts and started hanging around some of the people who were really really into that shit and was instantly hooked. it was a once every few days ordeal, but by the time i tried bud for the first time at 18 in college- i was fucked. it went from “i’ll do this every weekend with friends” to going to class, dreaming about smoking, going home, hitting my cart like crazy, falling asleep, waking up, waiting for my folks to sleep, just so i could smoke a few bowls behind the house. It got even worse during the summer time. That was seriously all I did for the next 2 years. Just smoke in my garage, hide how bad my usage was from my parents, and ruminate in my thoughts. - I only ever stopped because it was advised by both my psychiatrist and my therapist - especially when i started meds. - I feel like my life is boring, I feel like i’m boring now, and I feel incredibly isolated now that i’ve had to distance myself from all of the folks in my life that utilize weed openly without refrain.
a few questions
- is this a normal experience?
- am i being overdramatic?
- am i a pussy because once i start i cannot stop?
- will NA ever take me seriously?