u/buzzoli

I'm doing delivery and I'm trying to get into horror podcasts (knifepoint horror, left right game...). Unfortunately I don't feel like it's catching my attention as much as I wanted... Love the presentation of Knifepoint horror and the radio play quality of left right game but for some reason it's not getting through to my adhd coded brain.

Are there any podcasts, audiobooks, youtube videos that can immerse even the most jaded guy like me?

I love all things horror (especially horror video games so if you have any suggestions in the vein of terrifying video game lore, then much appreciated 🫶).

I keep dreaming that my narcissistic schizophrenic brother is going to kill/hurt my family and it's freaking me out. He lives with us and he isn't seeking help or taking any medication.. it's only a matter of time before he has another episode. He's slowly starting to act up again, we already went through all this before and as you all know it was horrible.

I usually don't take my nightmares seriously, I've had them my entire life (genuinely had more nightmares than dreams in my entire life and I'm 29).

It's freaking me out though, I really don't want to go through this bullshit again. I have OCD (moral, existential.. a bunch of themes like that) and this isn't helping. I would feel more bad for him but he takes absolutely 0 self accountability and doesn't try to help himself in any real way. All he does is play League of Legends, all day long. Till like 4am every single day.

Sorry for the messy post, I'm just dreading what we are going to experience again.

Just for a little context (hopefully this is helpful)

29(M)

I have really bad RSD. I am very introverted at work and having to socialize is really hard and I'm bad at it. I can't look anyone in the eye, I'm truly deeply physically in discomfort when I try to mask at work and I always truly believe everyone can't stand me. I work in inbound sales and everyone already sees me as a liability to the team.

It doesn't help that I'm not great at the job either.

I told my supervisor all that was weighing on me and I told her that I was autistic and now she avoids me. Every job I had always led to this same spot. I constantly feel like my cosmic purpose was to be a scapegoat.

I'm depressed, anxious and my entire personality and time revolves around what other people think. I truly don't know whether I even have a personality anymore.

I feel really numb and I don't have anyone to turn to, only burnt bridges on my horizon.