u/bwkgjnlmgwlpsnxm

I can’t believe this. He texted me good morning like it’s just another old day. I haven’t answered and I’ve been waiting to see if he’ll remember. It’s noon and still nothing.

I’m heart broken. I feel stupid for expecting a nice long message of love. What an idiot I am.

I knew breaking no-contact and starting things back up was a mistake.

I think I’m truly done now. I will never have a true place in his life nor his heart. No matter how much he says he loves me, how many times he promises we’ll be together any day now, how he says he wants to build a life with me… I’m always gonna be on the side lines. A second choice. A fun little moment to have when he’s bored.

I can’t believe I keep doing this to myself. I can’t believe I bought into his BS. Thinking he was genuinely in love with me. I should be mature enough to know this is foolish.

I don’t have any children yet and I’m still unmarried and single. Any time I see a family, or a parent with their child, I get so deeply sad. I picture my MM with his child and his W just doing normal things like playing with their child or taking care of it. And it breaks my heart. One time I straight up started crying in public.

His W is a year younger than me and she already has been married and has a kid. I so want that too. He married her only after a year of being together. This hurts so much even though I didn’t even know him back then. It just hurts because she’s clearly the one for him. I’m just the idiot fun on the side that accepts scraps.

Can anyone relate? Having an affair with a MM who has children when you’re unmarried and childless is pure torture. Makes me feel like I’m behind on life.

I was doing so well. Two weeks with 0 contact. He promised not to text me unless his marital status has changed. All it took was an emoji reaction to one of my Snapchat stories and just like that we’re back to our usual secret relationship.

I made a whole speech about how I don’t want a secret relationship and how what we’re doing is wrong. Now I look like a fool with no boundaries for myself. He knows he can come back to me whenever he wants because I’ll always be here waiting. I’m pathetic!!!

I’m so ashamed of what I’m doing and I can’t stop. I feel ridiculous!!

I’m falling deeper and deeper in love with him and he’s started making straight up promises of an imminent future.

I want to be with him but I’m panicking over the reality of being his third wife and baby mama. He said he wants marriage and kids. But his life is too complicated.

What do you do when your heart wants something that’s ultimately bad for you?

I’m going to ask for no contact again soon. I hope this time it will stick.

As a way to start getting over my MM, I opened up a Tinder account and I just want to scream cry into a pillow.

The thought of having to go through the process of artificially getting to know someone and going on a date with a complete stranger… just absolute hell on earth.

I don’t want anyone new, I just want him. I know him and he knows me. I just want to keep our connection and what we had. I wish I could live out this love story to the fullest.

But I also want to find “my forever person” and start building a family. So I this is what I have to do. It just sucks so bad.

What has your experience been with dating after an affair with your MM? How do you deal with that feeling of not wanting to meet anyone new or wishing the new guy you’re dating was HIM?

Should I put dating off until I feel ready? I’m still crying over him every night. We’re on week 2 of 0 communication.

In the midst of the first few weeks of post-break up no-contact with my MM, I can’t help but have my mind run amok and over analyze every little part of our story.

Something I don’t understand about him is, he seems to move super quickly in his relationships but then also has no problem cheating and betraying those same people.

My MM married his W after only a year of dating, which means he proposed within a few months of knowing her (since it takes time to plan a weeding). They’ve been married 6 years, together for 7, and have an almost one year old baby. He started the affair with me when his baby was only 6 months old.

Things between us progressed super duper fast. One day we confessed our feelings to each other and then that was it, we were inseparable. He started telling me he wants to be with me right away. Within the first few weeks of us online flirting, even before we ever met IRL. And started to say he loves me after 3 months of “dating”.

What is that? Love bombing? Being flaky? He seems to be very comfortable with making commitments to someone, but then cheats? Selfishness?

I get that there’s exceptions and people can marry the wrong person sometimes but, if he proposed to his W within a few months, that means he was 100% sure she was the one for him right? How can he go from “I wanna make this woman my wife” to “I have no problem cheating on the mother of my child”?

Any time I stumble across an interesting post on here I go to the OP’s profile to see if there’s any other posts of them and it’s usually always empty. Even though their posts show up in the subreddit.

How do yall do that? I wanna be able to still have all of my posting history on my end but for it to not be visible by others. How to do that?

For those of you that have ended things for good with your married person, what happened? How did it end? Did they ever come back? Was anything different? Are you still hoping they’ll come back? How long did it take you to truly get over them? How long till your heart stopped hoping they’ll come back?

I ended things with my MM for good about a month ago, and our last communication was exactly a week ago. Our longest no-contact period to this date. His last message to me was that he will respect my need for space and that he would not contact me again unless his situation has changed. He has kept his promise.

As much as I’d like to pretend that I’m over my MM, I still subconsciously hold out hope that he’ll text me one day to say he’s ready to be with me for real. I’m only human and the heart’s desire can’t be controlled.

Though I’m 1000% confident that I will not reach out or seek communication on my own.

I’m simply wondering if this distance usually motivates them or makes them forget about us. Though I think I already know the answers aren’t going to provide me with much hope…

My MM has told me before that he needs frequent contact/communication to feel connected to me. So I’m guessing he’ll abandon his plans for a divorce if we both keep up the no-contact. Out of sight out of mind I guess.

Either way I’ll be fine. If ceasing communication is all it takes for him to forget about the promises he made about our future together then, fair enough, it wasn’t real. I’ll accept that eventually.

I’m a couple of weeks out of my ex-affair with a MM who I fell in love with. And I’m just trying to make sense of everything that happened, get some perspective in hindsight, and just think about how it could have all ended alternatively. And how would I react if my MM ever comes back as a single man.

This leads me to wonder: if your AP separated to be with you in a legitimate relationship, would you be able to trust them? And for those who have gone legit, do you trust them? And what helped you trust them? Is the thought of him cheating always on the back of your mind?

Just curious… I’m still very much in love with my MM but deep down I feel like being with him would be such a huge risk, especially at my age (early 30s, childless not by choice) - meaning I could end up investing precious time in a guy that all data points to him being a cheater. Conflicting emotions I know…

I broke things off for good with him about a week ago. We’re still texting here and there but I’m very proud of myself for declining every time he’s asked to see me in person.

I can’t pretend that I’m not still hurting over it. That I’m not still in love with him. But I can confidently say that I’ve begun to emotionally detach myself from the whole situation. I have completely let go of any hope or expectation that this will turn into something real someday, even when he’s making promises for our future.

For anyone currently stuck in that back and forth, ending it and starting it up again, or wanting to end it but not finding the strength to: please keep going. Keep trying. It will take time but you’ll eventually start seeing that this situation isn’t viable.

My relationship with my MM brought me so much temporary joy, so much hurt and deep pain. But thankfully it also helped me uncover a deep desire I never knew I had. It made me realize that I want marriage, kids, the nice house and vacations, the whole thing. At 33, I never thought about those things before, never even thought it was an option for me. But seeing him have this whole life… I want that too. Just with the right partner.

Sometimes I still wonder how she (his W) got him to marry her after only a year of dating. Not like he’s a prize or anything, but he’s a very handsome and successful man. She’s also a gorgeous lady. But we all know it’s not just about looks. There’s a type of woman that men marry and a type they just have fun with until they meet the one they’ll marry.

I realized unfortunately I might be in the second category. But there’s still time to work on myself and become the partner my future husband deserves. Knowing that he won’t be my future really stings. But he’s not my person, and that’s okay.

I have hope for the future, with some bad days here and there. For anyone struggling, please sit with yourself and think: do you really want to be in the same spot in a year from now? If the answer is no then you know what to do!

We had a good honest talk with my (now officially ex) MM. I got answers to some of my questions, clarity over the future and reassurance about his honesty.

He explained that right now he’s trying to figure out the best way to break the news to his W. He’s scared she’ll react badly and take his child away. He also said he wants to see his child grow up so I indirectly got the message that he’s not ready to leave yet and that it could take years.

As planned, I told him to take time to sort out his situation on his own and when it’s all said and done and he’s found stability in his life again, then we can reconnect.

We were both sad about cutting ties but he didn’t push back at all. He agreed that this is the right way to do things.

I cried, we made love for one last time, said ‘I love you’ and he left.

Will he come back for me? I don’t know. Will I still be here when he does? Not sure. But at least now I know where we stand and that is the best possible outcome for now.

For those who went legit, did you ever have doubts and fears about whether or not blowing up a marriage is “worth it”? How did you know the relationship could survive the transition into “the real world”? What helped ease your mind going into the process of a legitimate relationship?

I’m so in love with my MM and he’s finally making clear plans about ending his marriage. This is all I’ve been dreaming about for months but it all feels way too real.

The fact that our relationship (and any affair really) only exists in this protected bubble makes me very anxious about how it would transition into the real world. We haven’t even had a one on one date at a restaurant or walked down the street together.

How are we supposed to known for sure that this relationship can work in real life?

I asked him to keep things broken off while he figures out his situation and if one day he’s truly divorced then we can reconnect. Which he agreed to but he struggles with NC and reaches out often saying he misses me.

I’m still having doubts around if it’s all even worth it. I feel stuck.

We’re meeting soon to have a serious discussion around how this could actually work. I’d like some advice about what kind of hard questions I need to be asking him.

To sum up my situation: I broke things off with my MM about 3 weeks ago. He’s determined to find a way to make this work and is finally talking about ending his marriage so we can be together.

He keeps his married life private and never talks about his relationship with his W. But he’s told me that he wants us to go legit, and that it will take time to sort out his situation.

So he recently told me that he’s “making progress on his current situation so we can be together” without giving me any details.

I didn’t really ask him what that meant exactly (did he break the news to his W? Is he contacting lawyers? Idk). I just gave him the same response that I give him every time, which is “I think it’ll take years seeing as you have a small child, so let’s put everything on pause and if one day you really are single we can reconnect”. He hasn’t replied anything to that just says he wants us to work things out.

I keep freaking out any time he talks about leaving her and being with me legit. It’s obviously what I want but I feel so much responsibility for his poor wife that will have her whole life completely turned up side down. And his poor child that will have to grow up with part time parents. I just feel bad.

My question is, for those of you in the process or having already gone legit, how did you deal with the pressure of knowing that your MM is breaking up his family to be with you? I feel responsible for his potential future divorce even though I’ve told him that the decision has to truly come from him.

In the midst of me trying to keep strong and stay away from my ex MM, I’ve been watching a ton of videos about how to let go of a MM after an affair.

The man in this video puts forward some very harsh points. It felt like he virtually slapped me across the face with reality.

He is basically saying that no man who actually respects a woman would put her in the position of a side piece (making her the OW), and that he would instead set her free and tell her that he’ll reach out once he’s no longer married.

According to him, if a married man pursues you and gets you to sleep with him, that basically he has 0 respect for you and sees you like trash. Whether that’d be consciously or not.

Do you agree? Are we all just completely delusional to believe them when they say they love us and swear they want to be with us?

My MM has reassured me multiple times that he’s dead serious about a real relationship with me but can’t right away because of his baby that’s only 7 months old. He seems so sincere every time that I keep falling for it, but this video makes me doubt it.

I’ve never experienced a physical connection like this before. It wasn’t just regular sex. It was actual love making. We could go for hours while looking deep into each other’s eyes. It would go from crazy hot sex to slow and intimate deep love.

I truly believe that’s how he made me fall in love with him.

All my life I thought I enjoyed sex but it wasn’t until him that I realized I just tolerated it before.

This is the first time ever, at 32, that I’m actually absolutely crazy about making love with someone.

I’m so sad to have to let this go. We haven’t seen each other for 2 weeks since I broke things off. And I miss him terribly. I’m heartbroken that we’ll never get to have those moments of deep connection again.

I’ve never been very much concerned about intimacy in my previous relationships. It was just something I felt I had to do in order to keep the relationship going. Like a chore.

But with him… my goodness. I never knew sex could be this amazing.

He says he’ll do what’s necessary for us to be together (meaning a divorce), but I know this could take years, as they have a 7 month old baby. And that’s only if he actually keeps his promise.

So I know it’s for the best and I have to let him go. But I’m so scared I’ll never find this kind of effortless, magnetic crazy passionate love again. I just found it for the first time, it kills me to have to lose it. I’m actually crying.

I’m just really struggling at the moment. Please help me stay strong.

Sorry if this topic isn’t allowed.

I’m trying to figure out if the sexual chemistry I had with my ex MM is truly one of a kind or if it’s just that intense because it’s within the context of an affair.

My ex MM is in his mid 40s. We were seeing each other once a week and we would spend pretty much all day in bed having sex.

He was able to cum multiple times back to back without stopping. I have never been with someone who can do that. He could last for 20-30 minutes and we would have multiple rounds in a day. Sometimes close to 10.

Needless to say it was very hard for me to give that up. I loved our sexual connection so much. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to find someone as good as him.

I don’t think he’s in a dead bedroom marriage as he just had a baby with his wife a few months ago. He did allude to being less intimate with his partner throughout the years though.

I’d like to get the perspective of men on this sub: how common is this?

So I ended things with my MM once before. But caved and started seeing him again after only two days. He said all the right things, talked about the future he wants with me someday, told me how much he doesn’t want to lose me etc.

Now a month later, I broke it off again and his reaction was much much different. He simply said “I understand, letting go is gonna be hard because I have true feelings for you. I hope we can end things smoothly and keep in touch”. I told him “sure we can still communicate by messages but we can’t see each other. I need to move on”.

After that he just sent me like a good night message. He hasn’t reached out ever since. It’s been a whole day. We used to text everyday all day long ever since we started seeing each other. This is the first time ever that we’ve stopped talking.

I’m so confused by his reaction and radio silence that followed. I feel like he doesn’t take me seriously after already having ended it once before and gotten back into it.

I’m obviously not going to reach out first, as my goal is to actually get over him. I ended it for a reason, that being him not doing what’s necessary for us to be together. But it still stings that he hasn’t reached out. I’d like to get the perspective of the MM on this sub.

Why did he go from asking to stay in touch and slowly transition into a break up… to ghosting me? What do I do if he eventually reaches out? I said I’m okay with communication but now that he’s ignored me for this long, I don’t feel like responding at all. Last night he watched all of my IG stories but didn’t text me at all. I’m so confused. He was the one asking to not go no-contact. Now he’s cut contact with me.