u/calebios

After almost 3 years with this girl I fell hard for in November during a perfect crisp fall, we broke up over a month ago. I’m down in the dumps right now and can’t stop replaying the memories.
Self Control and White Ferrari by Frank Ocean have been hitting insanely hard lately because of how perfect the songwriting is. Also Broken by Jack Johnson and In Your Arms by Sunbeam Sound Machine — those were our old times, songs we loved together.

I’m looking for more songs or albums that lean into reminiscing on memories, regret, and quietly apologizing for how things went down — without the “she’s evil / I’m the victim” angle. Just raw, atmospheric, reflective heartbreak.
Anything in the indie, R&B, soul, or singer-songwriter world would be perfect. Drop your suggestions, I’m reading every comment tonight.
Thanks guys.

Me and my friend are coming to Chicago in September and staying near Soldier Field. I’ve been to the city a couple times before but this is my first time back since turning 21, and it’s my friend’s first time ever.
During the day we’re planning to spend most of our time in Chinatown eating and walking around. At night though, we wanna actually go out and party with people our age.
We’re both in our early 20s and looking for:
• Good food spots in Chinatown (nothing too touristy if possible)
• Bars or areas near Soldier Field that are lively at night with a younger crowd
Any recommendations would be appreciated. We’re trying to have a good mix of good food during the day and actually going out at night.

I really don’t know how to start this but I need to get it off my chest. My ex and I were together for a few years and we even moved in together last December 2024. Things were really good at the beginning but over time I became emotionally unavailable and shut down a lot. I didnt show the excitement I felt or support her the way she needed especially when things got hard like when her grandpa passed. I had a wall up and I wasnt consistent with being present or making her feel loved and safe. We had so many goals together and over time they just fell away. I feel like I wasn’t secure within myself and it made me unattractive to her because I was basically living my life through her. Eventually she told me she didnt see a future with me. She said this
“I’m sorry for hurting you like this it was really hard to put my feelings aside and make a decision that was best for me in the long run. I think about what things would be like in the future how problems would be handled how we would treat each other when times got rough if our priorities would relate. I didn’t feel like I would be fulfilled. I didn’t feel like I was being encouraged and supported to become the best version of myself or that you were aligning with the future I see for myself and deserve.”
That hit me so hard because she was my home and I lost her because I was so selfish. I was not emotionally smart at all. I would push myself away because I was insecure and scared of getting too close. I take full responsibility for how I showed up and how I let her down.
We broke up almost a month ago on May 30th but we’re still living together until I move out in a few weeks. She said we can still be friends for now and figure out what happens after I move out but shes firm on the breakup. We talk normally throughout the day and its cordial but I know I need to respect her space. I love her a lot and I still see her as my person. I know I have a lot of work to do on myself before I could ever be the partner she deserves.
In a deep emotional talk we had 2 nights ago on Wednesday she said she doesn’t know what happens in the future and if we cross paths and are meant to be then that’s what will happen. She leaves it up to the universe and doesn’t control that. It gave me some hope but she was also firm on her decision. Ive been reading Attached and its helped me understand my fearful avoidant patterns so much better. Im starting therapy soon and Im journaling every day to process my feelings instead of bottling them up. Im working on being more open emotionally being consistent and showing up for people without shutting down. I want to become secure and be the kind of man who can support his partner and make her feel safe. I know I cant push anything with her right now. Im thinking about doing no contact after I move out so she can miss me naturally if shes going to but Im not sure if thats the best move. I dont want to pressure her or make her feel like Im only changing for her. I need to do this for me first.
Im hopeful that in the future if Ive shown real change we could talk again and see if theres something there. But right now Im focusing on becoming better so even if it doesnt work out with her Ill be in a good place. Its hard though because we still live together and I see her every day. The grief is real and some days I just want to tell her everything but I know that would probably push her away more.
Has anyone been in a similar spot where you moved out after the breakup? How did you handle the transition and whether or not to do no contact? Did no contact or staying in light contact work for you as the fearful avoidant trying to show change? Any advice on staying strong during this time would mean a lot. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
TLDR: Messed up a great relationship by being emotionally unavailable and insecure. She was firm on the breakup but left some hope that if we cross paths in the future and are meant to be, it will happen. Still living together for a few weeks and I’m overanalyzing everything. Planning on focusing on myself and possibly no contact after I move out but not sure. Any advice on handling this transition would help.