u/candeloro1 — reddlx

I think the time has finally come to come out… (mtf 39, pre HRT)

Ok, so here it is, I finally feel like the coming out moment to my wife is going to happen imminently.

But I’ve put it off so, so many times that it just not happened and for so many reasons. All of which have been to ‘protect’ the ones I love the most, my wife and kids. But I can’t go on much longer as I am in limbo, knowing I’m actually a woman and not feeling like being able to do anything about it.

But, I feel calm about the prospect. I’m still shit scared of losing her and my family etc and messing up their lives. I can recover from it mentally, but them well that’s the hard part of it I guess.

I don’t know when it’s happening, or how, maybe a letter. The only other way is I just blurt out ‘oh I’m trans!’ And I don’t think that will go down too well!

So, wish me luck. Fingers crossed I actually do it this time.

Also, a picture of me that’s in better lighting and having a better make up day than the one I put up before. Ps, ignore that bit of chest hair showing through, I can’t get rid without raising too many alarm bells. 😔

R 💋

EDIT: Wow, I wasn’t expecting this response. Thank you all so much for the incredibly kind words and support. I’m reading every comment, but there are so many now that I may not be able to reply straight away. I’ll do my best to respond properly when I can. ❤️

u/candeloro1 — 1 day ago

▲ 14 r/transgenderUK

Question to those of us that work in the civil service RE coming out

Ok, so I’m a civil servant, whether or not you like the government or not is irrelevant to my question before anyone jumps on that. I don’t particularly (that’s being mild!) but I’m kinda stuck in the job at the moment for various reasons.

I’m not out yet, and I’m wondering how was the experience of coming out at work for you? Feel free to DM me about it if you’re not comfortable mentioning it here. I know each department is going to be different and each geographical area different but it would be great to hear people’s experiences good and bad to prepare me for the potential shit storm or maybe smooth sailing ahead.

reddit.com

u/candeloro1 — 3 days ago

▲ 50 r/TransLater

Finally got to be the real me again (mtf, 39, pre out and pre HRT)

Ok, so first of all excuse the crap lighting and dirty mirror.

Today for the first time in weeks I’ve finally been able to be me thanks to heatwaves, other family still working at home etc.

But today I’ve been on my own all day supposedly working. And I’ve at least had a chance to be me. I just need to get over the hurdle of coming out. 😥

This is me, 39, pre HRT, in crap lighting and a smudged mirror. Is there hope for me once I finally start HRT?

Rachel X

u/candeloro1 — 4 days ago

▲ 5 r/TransLater

Going to Orlando next year, what’s it like there for us?

Ok. So as the title says, I’m going to Orlando next year for a holiday from the UK. I’m wondering what’s the general feelings there on trans people? Specifically at Disney and Universal theme parks and other attractions?

I’m Mtf but I’m not out yet, but if I’m not out by then and HRT hasn’t started then, well, I have no clue what I will have done with my life as this has to happen!

Just trying to plan stuff out so that when I bring it up with my wife I can reassure her that it’s all ok over there etc.

I’d appreciate any advice anyone can give!

Thanks!

reddit.com

u/candeloro1 — 5 days ago

▲ 14 r/TransLater

Summer dysphoria hits worse

Ok so first of all I’ve not posted here in a few months.

I deleted my posts I had put up, which I’m gutted about as they were pictures where I was finally confident enough in how I looked to share.

Reason that happened was my marriage started going down the pan, attributed to my ADHD (but I know it’s my dysphoria). For context I’m still closeted and feel I can’t come out due to the fear of destroying everything I love the most which is my wife, marriage, kids and family. I’m 39 and almost 40 MTF. I’ve known I’m trans for as long as I can remember but I’m the at classic case of didn’t know what it was and then didn’t know I could do anything about it until a few years ago. I really decided that transition was a couple of years ago. But I’ve put it off constantly.

So end of march I was asked to move out for a couple of weeks, with unknown conclusion. Emotionally it ruined me for the first week. Then I was back home for a few days then back out for a few and then back permanently. In the process I’d reconciled inside that it was time and I even fully got rid of all my body hair and I was ready to press forward. But then, I stopped. I couldn’t do it while all the stuff with my wife was going on.

So I’ve been keeping busy over the last few months, dealing with sly digs here and there especially ones around where I almost came out a few years ago but back-pedalled and my wife likes to bring that back up and say I’d prefer to be a woman when she’s mad at me. It sucks.

But yeah, the past couple of weeks with the nice weather here in the UK has really ramped up my dysphoria. Seeing women out there confident in themselves and also seeing trans women (that trans-dar works even when your closeted) just living their lives has really hit hard. Feels like I’m never going to be the real me.

So yeah, sorry, I just needed to off load. I’ll go back to the shadows now.

Rach x

reddit.com

u/candeloro1 — 8 days ago