I moved cities after a breakup and now regret it, looking for advice
I’m really struggling with a life decision and could use outside perspectives.
Earlier this year (February 2026), I went through a very painful breakup. It completely shattered me emotionally. I became deeply depressed, extremely lonely, and honestly felt like I hit the lowest point of my life. At that time, I felt like nothing made sense anymore and I desperately wanted to be close to someone familiar, so I decided to move from the North Shore suburbs of Chicago to Seattle where my sister and her boyfriend live.
The move itself was expensive and stressful. Movers, apartment setup, lease, everything. I thought being near family would help me recover emotionally.
But now after a few months in Seattle, I still feel very lonely and depressed. The hard part is that while my sister and her boyfriend care about me in their own way, emotionally I don’t really feel understood or fulfilled around them. My sister has a very opinionated personality and often responds to things by criticizing, correcting, or taking the opposite position, which leaves me feeling emotionally isolated instead of supported. Sometimes I actually feel lonelier after spending time with them.
I’ve also realized I really don’t like Seattle itself. I’m more of a suburb person and Seattle feels too dense and unfamiliar to me. I miss the North Shore suburbs of Chicago deeply. Chicago feels like home to me emotionally in a way Seattle never has and I don't think it ever will. I miss the familiarity, the environment, the lifestyle, even simple things like driving around there. When I imagine Chicago, my nervous system calms down a bit.
At the same time, I’m terrified that I may be idealizing Chicago because that’s where my recent relationship happened and where I built a life with my ex. We lived in the same apartment complex for 2 years (although I also lived there before meeting her). I’m struggling to separate "I miss my ex and my old life" from "Chicago genuinely fits me better as a person."
Another huge fear is this: If I move back to Chicago, I technically don’t have family there anymore. Most old friends moved on, got married, had kids, moved away, etc. One old meetup group rejected me recently because things ended awkwardly years ago, and one old friend didn’t respond to me recently either, which triggered feelings of rejection and made me scared I’ll end up completely alone there.
Meanwhile in Seattle, at least I have my sister and her boyfriend nearby as "backup", even though emotionally I don’t fully connect with them.
Recently (2 days ago) things got worse because I had an emotional conversation with my sister and her boyfriend about not feeling supported, and it turned into a heated argument where I felt misunderstood and ganged up on. Since then things feel awkward and tense between us and we haven't talked at all since then, which has made me question the whole reason I moved here in the first place.
Now I’m constantly swinging between:
- "I need to move back to Chicago because Seattle is emotionally draining and doesn’t feel like home." and
- "What if moving back is a huge mistake and I end up completely alone there?"
To make things harder, I really hate change and uncertainty. I also keep judging myself because I’ve made impulsive or emotionally-driven decisions in the past and lost money doing them, so I’m struggling to trust my own instincts.
Part of me wants to break my Seattle lease early and move back to Chicago around August/September instead of waiting until next year. Another part of me worries I’m just emotionally overwhelmed and trying to escape pain.
I genuinely don’t know if moving back would be healing or a mistake.
I am currently getting therapy, actually have 2 therapists since I am really struggling in life.
Has anyone gone through something similar after a breakup and relocation? How did you know whether you were returning "home" for healthy reasons versus just trying to emotionally escape.