u/cartisplayboy

I’m a third year college student and the highest level of math I’ve taken is algebra 2 with trig. I’m currently a finance major with a concentration in corporate law so business stats is a required course. The problem is, my class is fully online (videos, homework, and exams), and my professor is not the best at explaining concepts. It’s also too late for me to drop this class as I cannot afford the sunk cost. That being said, I have a few questions:

1: How valuable are the concepts in regard to my career goals?
2: If they are valuable, what is the fastest way I can understand the concepts (eg; why standard deviation matters)
3: If there is a possibility to utilize my online resources that will ensure that I pass, should I just use them instead of wasting my time trying to relearn everything?

I’m a 5x libra stellium with Virgo Venus and I genuinely don’t know what is going on through this 4x Gemini stellium with cancer Venus man’s head. He wouldn’t commit to me so we agreed to go no contact, but he kept finding new ways to pop back in for months because he “cares about me”. Then, one day he finally decides he wants to commit AFTER I tell him to leave me alone because I have found someone else. He goes on this whole tangent about why it took him so long to make a decision and what I’d be getting if I were to be with him. I ended up rejecting him and he says he’ll get back to me (about what??? I rejected you?) and then never does. Then I find out he’s tried to make a move on my friend lmao. So after a month of that happening and never “getting back to me”, he’s tried messaging me about going to the movies together (tf?) which made me block him on everything. Now he’s getting our mutual friends to try to invite me out with them bc he’ll be there.

I just don’t understand. I told him so many times that I won’t continue anything with him if there isn’t commitment, and he told me every time why he couldn’t commit. The switch up is insane followed by the actions he’s taken until now.

Background context: I grew up with a bad relationship with Islam, left for a little bit and then came back 2 years ago. Because of my religious trauma, I give myself grace when I slip up and aim to reflect and better myself to the best of my ability because I know I’m not perfect and have faith in Allahs mercy.

Recently, I picked up on a sin that I haven’t done in over 3 years. I really thought I wouldn’t do it until the opportunity presented itself the first time, and I folded. When I did it the first time, I didn’t feel bad and I felt guilty for it. After the second time doing the sin, I believed I wouldn’t do it anymore and I repented. I made dua for guidance and prayed istikhara about it last week. Then yesterday, I repeated the sin again but in the middle of it, I got a spam call and I was so scared it was a family member who knew what I was doing. Afterwards, I’ve been thinking about that moment. How I feared my family knowing more than how I’m going to answer to Allah about this. A million lies flooded in my head when I assumed it was a family member, but I know I can’t lie to Allah when I’m confronted about it. I know this sin isn’t worth doing, why it’s haram, but I don’t know why I’m being tempted with it now after I worked so hard to avoid it. It’s definitely a test from Allah but I feel like I don’t gave enough fear for him to be strong enough to stop.

How do I reframe my thinking when it comes to balancing my fear and faith in Allahs mercy?

Any additional thoughts would be appreciated.

Also, before anyone asks, I don’t feel comfortable sharing what the exact sin is and I also think this situation can apply to any other sins that don’t feel as bad as others.