u/catinformant

“As a trans man, I have the immense privilege of blending in. But these laws force me to choose between safety and obeying the law,” Vieux told Erin in the Morning.

I find people's mundane lives and routines genuinely interesting. I think anthropology is interesting and we would be thrilled to have just a fraction of recorded human activity for the past where we only have small glimpses or less.

I get its popular to hate on people who like attention and yes a lot of those people are obnoxious and annoying. But its all human nature and its fascinating. I think its silly to say you miss a moment or lessen it when you record it. My recorded memories flood me with emotion looking back. Even videos where nothing in particular really happens but I remember that day. People who complain about others recording themselves are more annoying than the person happily recording their shopping trip.

I imagine back in the day when they were making cave drawings about their lives there was some crumudgeon in the background scoffing at them and complaining to them that they were vain and unimportant and nobody cared. Let people use their tripods I would encourage you to do the same if those people are such bad vapid examples of humanity and you're so much better. Show us your day to day superior person of depth, add something meaningful to the historical record.

I think this was "too opinionated" for the unpopular opinion sub but I think this is probably a more appropriate sub anyway.

The "movment" has devolved into hen pecking and tone deaf policing. Theres no upward mobility no space for growth. Shouldnt the ultimate goal be black women get to expreriment and have fun with their style as they please. For their look and style to be theirs rather than a billboard statement for everyone else. Its become a movement for pidgeonholing and humbling bw and its gross.

The die hard allegiance to baby fro as the only acceptable way to like your hair has gotten so far beyond weird atp its extremely unserious. The way certain cultures seem to not understand other cultures don't necessarily share their same anxiety or prejudice about certain styles and looks is aggravating. Not everyone believes wigs are of the devil and inherently bad. Not everyone has a problem with the "ghetto" aesthetic. Not everyone waits for Kardashian to appropriate a look to make it ok to wear. Understand a culture forced to innovate is proud of their innovation and at the end of the day folks always end up copying.

And there are way too many men pretending to be women in the online community. And frankly way too many men in general constantly speaking on women and making everything about their fuck ass preferences. NOBODY CARES. The men who speak on the topic are obsessed with humbling women and its glaring. Yes we can tell. You are not being clever in your attempt at being facetious.

It has the same fake guru problem as any other self help self care community as well. Also if someone has "low self esteem" and changes their look in healthy ways to a look they like for themselves that is not a character flaw that is a normal healthy to handle it. The same way not every piece clothing wears the same on everyone the same goes for hairstyles.

MOVE you are stifling.

Overall the online natural hair community is cooked and lost the plot several years ago which is unfortunate.

I am marriage's biggest hater. Me and my partner have been together almost 10 years. Doing just fine committed and loving towards each other. Its not even that weddings are often considered a big waste of money. I personally love a good party, and do generally enjoy other people's weddings. And its not a "we dont need a piece of paper", its the actual history, traditions, and symbolism I absolutely despise and could rant about for hours. We both come from deeply religious families and that especially I cannot be bothered with.

For me not getting married has always been an intentional decision. All that become one flesh, be handed off to this man by your og owner father I hate. I hate that regardless of what we do ceremony wise or how we operate thats ultimately what marriage means and represents. You cant explain to everybody "oh no we had ethical vows". Nor do I want to, I like to contain my insanity. I hate that the few people I floated the idea to acted like we were takin some major step. Nothing in our relationship is changing. I also hate that I'm such a crumudgeon about it and cant shake it.

However the way healthcare is setup in this country it would be very beneficial to us both to do the deed. Especially if we do end having kids life is just made difficult for your family if you're not licensed to be together. Also lately my partner has expressed he feels like people don't take us seriously and feels like people see him as not honoring or choosing me (I dont care but he does). All hating aside I love my person I want us both to be comfortable in love and I am proud of our relationship I dont ever want him to feel embarrassed or ashamed of what we've built.

So Im bending the knee to society. Which is causing a domino chain effect of concessions. Ceremony or no ceremony? Do we bother hyphenating? Do we wear rings? At first we were just going to keep it a secret but the whole people dont take us serious thing kind of negates that. Our families will be pissed if we don't include them in some manner, so do we just do a reception? Not even planning a serious wedding and its stressing me out. Whole time in the back of my head I feel like Im making a major compromise on my principles and not for him but for society (a society I also hate)

Edit: This got way more responses than I expected. Thank you to everyone who understood where I was coming from and let me get it off my chesst. I appreciate all the experiences shared and got some cool ideas and things to think about. Anyone else wanting to continue to rant about the marriage insitution here is still welcome! Your personal stories and ideas about alternate celebrations also welcome!