u/cbmyb20

I’ve only been a Mariah fan for about 8 months, so I always assumed I discovered her as an adult.

Then today something weird happened.

When I was a kid (around 18 years ago), my family had one of those random compilation VCDs/DVDs with both English and Arabic music videos on it. I distinctly remember it had Carole Samaha’s “Ettala’ Fia” and Madonna’s “Love Profusion.”

For years I’ve had this tiny memory in the back of my mind of another music video:
• a slow ballad
• lots of water/ocean
• the singer lying down
• very dark, almost monochromatic/night-time
• and… a lighthouse.

I could never remember whether it was an Arabic song or an English one.

Then it suddenly clicked.

I think it was My All.

The more I thought about it, the more everything lined up. The lighthouse is such a bizarrely specific detail that I don’t know why my brain would invent it after all these years.

If I’m right, then it’s kind of crazy to think Mariah has been sitting somewhere in my subconscious for almost two decades, and I only consciously rediscovered her 8 months ago.

It just goes to show the power of music and visuals.

Has anyone else had a moment where becoming a Lamb made you realise you’d actually encountered Mariah way earlier in life than you remembered?

I honestly feel emotionally exhausted and borderline broken tonight, and I just need to vent somewhere because I feel like I’ve been carrying this for years without really being able to say it out loud.

I live in a studio complex and over the past year I thought I was finally building genuine friendships there. I met a group of people through events in the building and became especially close with another gay guy who later moved in. We used to message constantly, hang out occasionally, and I genuinely thought we were building a solid friendship.

At one point I introduced him to some girls I already knew in the building and ever since then the entire dynamic shifted. They all became closer and I slowly became the “corridor acquaintance” person. You know the type — people are friendly when they see you, hugs, compliments, “we should do something sometime,” but you’re never actually included in the real social life happening around you.

Tonight I went out to grab a coffee and unexpectedly bumped into all of them already out together. One of the girls casually reminded me to “message her about going out sometime” while literally standing there hanging out with them already. That tiny interaction genuinely crushed me because it tapped into something I’ve felt for years now.

I honestly cannot remember the last time someone spontaneously messaged me first just because they genuinely wanted my company. I’m almost always the one initiating, checking in, trying to make plans, introducing people, including people, making effort. Meanwhile other people seem to effortlessly fall into friendships, groups, relationships, support systems, etc.

And before anyone says “maybe it’s just these people,” this feeling has followed me for years. I’ve interacted with so many people throughout adulthood and I still constantly end up feeling emotionally peripheral. Like I’m good enough to briefly chat to, but not someone people truly choose, prioritize, or deeply connect with.

To make things worse, I’m already emotionally drained from difficult family dynamics and feeling disconnected from my parents, so today just felt like another confirmation of the same fear I’ve carried for a long time: that I’m fundamentally forgettable.

I know this probably sounds dramatic. Maybe it is. But I think prolonged loneliness genuinely changes the way you see yourself. Every small social disappointment starts feeling like proof that there’s something inherently wrong with you — your appearance, your personality, your energy, your worth.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe just to feel heard for once.

It never fails to make me cry 😢

I’m a 27 y.o. Lamb :) any fellow Gen Z Lambs in London who wanna meet up and party to Mariah? :D