u/cdougherty

It was my birthday yesterday (m/42/nt), and I’m just sad and tired now today.

My partner (f/40/dx multimodal) did not have an RSD episode yesterday or the night before, and this is the first time I can remember not having to deal with that in more than a decade.

Our kid had a school family picnic and sports day, so we went to that, and partner spent the whole time on phone or napping. Then we went to a movie, where she was on her phone, then we came home for pizza where she was either on her phone or playing Minecraft. We did eat a cake that she made on Sunday after I reminded her on Saturday that she had promised to make one (leading to a panicked search for recipes and grocery shopping). She did pick up some Lego for my kid to wrap and give to me, but it was a set that goes with my partner’s collection that she had on a wishlist for herself. My kid asked me this morning why no one sang happy birthday to me yesterday.

So, not terrible?

My partner’s last birthday was a multiday trip to a theme park in another country that she insisted she really needed. So I booked, and paid for, and organised the whole thing, and then dealt with RSD for most of the trip because I had the audacity to say that our child needed to eat lunch.

I’m just so tired of screens, and meltdowns, and well-intentioned selfishness, and I’m so tired of coming last even when she’s trying really hard.

How do you all make birthdays and other special occasions special for yourselves? Because it’s super clear that no one else is going to do any of that for me.