u/cerulean_sage

I'm probably ok but just so damn lonely. My world is falling apart. I'm also soo anxious to talk to strangers. Anyways can someone check if I'm safe in like half an hour? 😢 Been having a breakdown due to losing my house and med changes and unemployment.

Update: I'm home safe. Thanks everyone for checking on me.

For context - I'm a baby bi woman and new to all of this. I don't think anything about me signals queer most of the time, especially when I'm just running errands in athletic clothes, messy bun, and no makeup. When I get dressed up I am quite femme and I think people just assume I'm straight. I'm experimenting with various ways to signal while also being safe.

I shop at this pet store sometimes, and there's an older masc woman who works there. I think she clocked me one day - was being extra friendly and talkative and said she remembered me. We had a good chat and she was asking me personal questions and holding up the line a bit talking to me lol. Idk if she was hitting on me per se, but I do think she at least recognized me as queer and I felt some validation and euphoria from it.

I occasionally wonder how she knew, and recently learned about carabiner signaling. I have unintentionally been signalling that I'm a bottom who who-knows-how-long 😂. I just like to have it at the ready for safety reasons, and it's rainbow colored. So now I'm kind of playing around with that idea, idk. I wore it on the Top side today and I think I felt more powerful subconsciously. Just a funny little baby gay anecdote idk lol.

I thought I was straight most of my life. Looking back, I've remembered all these times when I was jealous of another girl or felt weird about her in some way. Part of it was feeling some sense of competition for men (thank you, patriarchy lol), but I realized that part of it was because I was attracted to them but knew I could never be with them. It's kind of the, "I don't know if I wanna be them, or be with them" lol.

I remember a specifically weird story where I was on-and-off involved with this fuckboy in my dorm. There was this girl who I got super excited and nervous whenever I saw her (now realizing it was gay panic lol). She was so beautiful and cool. She also didn't seem particularly receptive to me and while we had mutual friends and would converse in groups, she didn't seem to like me very much. I've always been socially self-conscious and had issues fitting in (recently seeing all of the undiagnosed neurodivergent signs). I was also envious that people seemed to like her and not me. Anyways, the fuckboy was trying to make me jealous and was telling me how he was making out with her and hanging out with her and it really hurt. Not only because I had liked him, but I had liked her as well, and was also insecure about people not liking me. I know he was a total piece of shit. His goal was to upset me and he got what he wanted. But to add extra to this, he accused me of having such a problem with her specifically because of her race. When in reality, I just had a big ol' repressed crushed on her and then saw her with this guy I had liked, and saw him treating her better as well. Was just a whole mess of emotions.

But anyways, wondering if anyone else related to these kinds of mixed feelings?

Especially in the Daddy Battle Brackets vid. I often forget he's from Tennessee but he's been dressing more country boy lately. I mean I like his style no matter what, and I like the variety. With his facial hair and hat he's reminding me of Kane Brown.

Idk if this fits here, but wanted to post a little appreciation. Celebrating my birthday with my family this weekend turned into to them saying horrible things to me. Silly me, I forgot everything is my fault of course!

I ran out of their house crying and wanted to walk home rather than get a ride back with them, but it would have taken at least 7 hours and I have health issues.

Anyways, I walked to a grocery store, picked up champagne and birthday cake, and quietly cried on my ride home. 🎉

I'm glad the driver didn't say anything lol. I hope she doesn't give me a bad rating 😬

Is this just something psychological where I relax because I feel clean and dry? Or does it have something to do with the muscles, pelvic floor, etc? Idk if it's just me who feels this way lol.

I live in a townhome community where everyone owns a plot of land behind our house, but we are not allowed to have fences due to HOA rules. We also have leash laws that require dogs to be on a leash if they are outside, unless they are in an enclosed area such as a fenced in backyard. This is something that all dog owners are expected to know and follow, but my neighbor is acting like she's never heard of it. For the past few years I've lived here, I have never seen her dog on a leash. And she has a small yappy dog that will run up to people and bark. One time I was down the street and saw her and her dog in her driveway. She crossed the street to come talk to me, leaving her unleashed dog behind. Then the dog followed and ran up to us barking, and she was shocked the dog didn't stay.

As an animal lover and a people pleaser with severe social anxiety, I haven't said anything to her. She and her neighbor on the other side have three dogs total that they allow to roam, play, poop, and pee in everyone's connected backyard. She never asked me if this was ok. I do remember one day I happened to be outside and she said, "Don't worry, we make sure to clean up the dog mess when we see it." I had no idea her dogs were shitting in my backyard! And she wasn't saying in an asking way, it was in a telling way. She legitimately thought she was entitled to my backyard. I kind of stammered and said, "Oh ok" and went back inside.

Things have gotten worse lately with the boundary crossing, and my backyard camera has been helping shed light on it. They have loud backyard parties, and let their dogs roam around. To the point where the dogs are on my back patio barking and coming up to the door. I have cats who enjoy the fresh air with the screen door, but I have to keep it shut with the glass door to be fully safe. I decided enough was enough and went out to tell her that her dogs couldn't be in my backyard. She was acting all surprised and sad and disappointed at the lack of neighborliness in this community, and said she wanted to sell her house. She was also (understandably) upset that she was told she could build a fence when moving in, but isn't allowed. Idk if it's intentional manipulation or not, but I ended up feeling guilty like I'm being a selfish jerk.

I had started a discussion in our neighborhood group where someone was talking about leash laws, and she was genuinely shocked and said she had never heard of them. It just blows my mind how people can be so ignorant (or pretend to be). I mentioned liability and safety when it came to having dogs on my property, and her face just looked like a confused robot overheating. Oh, and did I mention she works in property management? Oh, and while we were having the conversation, two of the dogs came and peed on my side of the partition and she acted all surprised and said, "I've never seen them do that before!" Bullshit.

Also, one time one of her guests, an older woman, was roaming around my patio yapping really loud on the phone, then she straight up walked into my house and looked shocked as if I was some intruder. I yelled, "What are you doing??" and she seemed to finally realize that she walked into the wrong house, then left and started laughing on the phone to whoever she was talking to as if this was all some silly mix-up. Just the lack of respect for boundaries is so annoying. I was afraid to make a fuss and gave her some grace because she was an older woman and there was a language barrier, but I regret not saying something.

God forbid something bad happens to those dogs because they have such an irresponsible owner.

Customer and former retail worker here - Last week I was at Kohl's in the section where you can return Amazon items. As the employee finished up my return, he told me to let an employee know if I saw anything out of place. I looked confused and he was kind of stumbling over his words and said in a tone that seemed to suggest something serious, "You know what I mean, don't you?" It felt like he was hinting at something but I don't know what. Kohl's is a very big store with hardly any employees on the floor, and they are hard to find even when I do need something. Also, I don't work there, how would I know what goes where? Are customers now expected to make sure the store is organized?

I thought maybe he was accusing me of putting stuff where it doesn't belong, but I didn't do that. When I was in line I picked up a water bottle that was in a water bottle display and read the label, then decided not to get it and I put back exactly where I found it.

My main guess is he asked because they were understaffed and disorganized, and I'm sorry these companies don't staff you enough, but it's not my job to fix that?