u/ceruleanwren

I celebrated one year of remission in August (stage 2 IDC, ++-), but last week my monitoring MRI showed a mass. I had it and a lymph node biopsied and today both came back positive. Same breast, a few cm from original surgery site. I’m 39!!! And I just beat it!! What the fuck!!!

I sobbed. I’m going to die. I have a full body scan next week to see if it’s stage 4. If it came back this fast after clean margins, negative lymph nodes, five weeks of radiation, and endocrine therapy, why wouldn’t it be somewhere else? My oncologist says this is highly unusual. Of course it is. My recurrence risk based on genomic testing was supposed to be 6%.

I had a clean mammogram in February and my oncologist felt nothing on manual exam in July, and I’ve had two negative signatera blood tests this year, the most recent being in July.

I should have gotten the DMX instead of a lumpectomy. I should have not wanted to try to keep the nipple. I feel like it was hiding and I wouldn’t be facing this if I’d just done the DMX. I feel like this is my fault.

I’m 39 and I celebrated one year cancer free in August (ER+/PR+, HER2- IDC, stage 2). I had a lumpectomy and five weeks of rads. I take tamoxifen. I had an MRI this week and it showed a suspicious mass next to the surgical site. I’m having an ultrasound in a few days, then a biopsy.

I have no family or genetic history. For my cancer last year, the growth rate was intermediate and my ONCOTYPE score was 19, with a 1% benefit of chemo, so I didn’t get it. My recurrence risk over 9 years is SIX PERCENT.

What in the fuck is happening. I’m devastated.

My 18 yr old has been stage 4 since January. We thought we would have to put her down in June, but she had a significant rally and has had a good summer. I took her to the vet on Friday because she’s so wobbly she’s fallen down, has lost her bladder, and hadn’t eaten for 3 days. Kidney numbers are the same as June (all really bad, advanced renal failure), her anemia dropped from 19 to 15, and her electrolytes are also very low. She’s also dehydrated and lost half a pound in the last 30 days despite having an appetite stimulant and cerenia. She’s now 7.5lbs.

We’ve been giving her 100cc of subq fluids daily for 4 months, and with potassium added to the bag to treat previously low potassium. She’s also been eating steak all summer which seems to have helped. On Friday, the vet doubled the potassium to her fluids bag and suggested we see if she rallies, but she didn’t expect her to. She fell down again today and lost her bladder, but she’s been seeking me out for two days and been her snuggly self, even if her purr is weak. She ate steak yesterday, but nothing today. She wanted to sit outside, but has to rest after walking ten feet. She shockingly used a scratching post today.

I’m aware the above is not good, but how do you reconcile their body failing with them wanting to be loved on? She’s aware enough to return to her standard desire of being with me always, and her purr has improved a little. I know she’s terminal and I know she doesn’t have long, I am simply wrecked over how soon is too soon. I’d rather her go in her final chapter instead of the last possible page, but is the above enough to push it 2 days?

My 18 yr old is stage 4, and yesterday at the vet her numbers were catastrophic. Her creatinine is 8.5 and her BUN was not detectable by the machine (upper limit around 140). She’s anemic (RBC 19), her potassium is 2.8 despite having potassium added to her lactated ringers for two months, and she’s not really eating. She vomits bile daily the past few days, and now, food when she eats. She gets fluids every other day, but got them daily for the last three days (100 cc), and her numbers are still this bad. She had a great quality poop three days ago, but no food has stayed down since. She’s wobbly and her purr is weak, but she has moments where she seems totally herself, if more tired.

Our vet has recommended letting her go in the coming days, before we totally stop seeing any happy moments. She’s been under the bed a lot the last two weeks, and has lost one pound in 3 weeks despite a daily appetite stimulant. I know it’s coming, I’m just struggling with doing it for her.

For anyone whose kitty went thru this, what did you do? Did you take a week, the weekend? Do you regret it? I feel like it’s almost time, but I don’t want to drag it out unnecessarily or cause her pain. I gusss there’s a window of time
when it’s kind and not emergent, but I’m still struggling with it. What is the difference between sinking and suffering? Is it kind, or controlling?