u/checkerboardandroid

For context: 33 years old, pre-op 8 years on HRT, bi but mainly attracted to and date men.

Ladies, I'm at a bit of a loss. Feeling up a creek without a paddle here. I've been single for 4 and a half years. My girlfriend who I had been with through the early years of my transition cheated on me in quite spectacular fashion. It hurt but that relationship was imperfect in many ways so I took the out when it presented itself.

I took a few months off to enjoy the single life and took the plunge back in. In that time the number of people I've been on dates with maybe cracks two digits. There's been one really promising guy but after months of 'will they / won't they' it's looking like they in fact, will not. But it's feeling like I can't get any traction with anyone else.

I live in a larger size Midwest US city, I'm fairly attractive and cis passing, live on my own, have two jobs; and yet- nothing. I haven't been on a date in months. If I reactivate my Grindr profile? Inbox flooded, more messages than you could shake a stick at. There, I'm a hot commodity. Hinge? Crickets.

I'm open about the fact that I'm trans on my profile. I feel for safety and honesty's sake, it makes sense to disclose up front. And frankly, I wouldn't want to be with someone who has hangups about dating a trans person. I don't feel like my criteria is wildly outrageous (no kids, liberal politics, no long distance, at least a little cute) and yet it feels like I'm looking for a needle in a haystack.

I've tried getting off the apps and doing it the old fashioned way. I frequent bars (I love me a good cocktail), I'm plugged in to my local trans community, and have a great set of friends, nada. My hobbies are fairly solitary so it's tough to meet people that way. I've tried the 'stop looking so hard and it'll come to you' approach which resulted in a whole lot of nothing.

After a while, it gets so lonely. Yet another night going to bed alone feels crushing. Plushes can only do so much. Hookups stopped feeling fun a long time ago so it's been forever in that department and it's getting to a point where I need someone else to touch me and mean it.

So... am I missing something obvious? Am I just running into a numbers problem where so few people are willing to date a trans gal and none of them are compatible with me? Am I truly fated to die alone never having found a loving long term relationship? Halp, pls.