The values you place in life are so different from mine, I might as well be talking to a deep sea creature that glows under UV light, because we are two different things. I will not debate you. I am a beautiful hawk, and you are a sea slug. Go and suck algae off of a rock.
I'm sick of social graces. Show your sharp tipped teeth.
Time ain't gonna cure you honey, time don't give a shit.
Time ain't gonna cure you honey, time's just gonna shit on you.
I created an image akin to an original Goya print and named it 'Commitment'. It hung in the room where we collected the most hours together. One night you took it down and left. You showed it to strangers and critiqued it viciously. Your hands took it out of the frame, and it was defaced. You turned my art into the world's most expensive colouring book.
I WENT TO THE SLUTTY WENDY'S AND ATE FRENCH FRIES MADE WITH SEED OILS
You're still the first thing I think about when I wake up, and it instantly ruins my day. Thanks for that ☕😁
Anyone else concerned or weirded out by the situation I just made up in my own head that's not even true? No? Weird. Okay. Whatever.
You ever see a woman so beautiful you just think to yourself, "God. She's so pretty. I don't even think I like boys anymore."
If I treated someone else the way I treat myself, I'd be in jail.
The government is weaponizing bugs. You know what? They should release a tick that, if you get bit by it, makes you allergic to ~BULLSHIT~ 😏 How bout that? Let's get real here bucko.
I woke up to a stinging sensation on my face. The sunlight revealed the shame of the previous night. I opened the car door and found myself in a rest stop parking lot off of some highway. The bathrooms greeted me with an unbearable stench of shit. Shit produced by processed foods, cheap beer, and chain smoking cigarettes, churned out of a pig's ass. A painful reminder. I'm no better than these fucking animals. The vertical cast iron bars in front of the vending machines made me smile. I got closer to look at the selection of assortments curated by some aspiring entrepreneur. Then I saw her, next to me, for a moment in the reflection of the glass. I walked back to the car empty handed; I lost my appetite. I have nowhere to be today. I'll just keep going somewhere else. I put the keys in the ignition; the car attempts to start, but gives up. I'm out of gas.
Christopher Nolan makes movies for an audience whose intellectual ceiling is equivalent to DJ Khaled.
Bouncing and moaning on it this, and gawk gawk 3000 that. Yawn. I want you on your knees gripping it with both hands, and just yell at it. "YAAAAAAAAAAAHHH"
"AAAAAHHHHH"
While I hold a loaded gun to my own head.
Fuck creaming on my dick. I want you screaming at my dick.
"YAAAAHHHHH"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH"
I think all social media should be a freak show. That's what I like. When I used to be on Instagram, I would scroll and I'd see a guy with both of his eyes rolled back in his head, and he's got one big tooth. Then he pans the camera to his grandma, and she's dead. That's the shit I love. They say it's bad for your mental health. I just like to think these people are out of work actors who studied at Juilliard. Classically trained professional pretenders. None of it is real. They're just having a cheeky little goof.
Have you ever seen your shadow in real life? It happened to me today at the coffee shop. I saw a guy around my height, but slightly shorter. Had a mustache, but it was patchier. Had longer hair, but he was balding. Had a gut, but his was fatter. He had arms that were less strong. The cashier knew him, because she greeted him by his name. We had similar names. He had on a pair of jizzy short shorts. He was trying to joke with the staff, but was bombing. I said to myself, "God. This is who I fear I am everyday of my life".
Somebody asked me why I keep limes in my desk drawer. I unleashed a booming Modelo fueled burp in his face as a response. Good thing I'm a personality hire.
Afterwork on Friday. I felt a Cuban missile crisis growing in my pants. I knew a Cuban woman who could help me out with it. We went out to, what was supposed to be, a nice sit down restaurant. We were sat by the front window close to the entrance. Tell me how am I supposed to enjoy my date when there's a dynamic number of people in Nike tech suits standing around behind me the entirety of dinner? None of them speak English. All of them had their noses to their phones. Their phones, all on speaker, and producing a constant cacaphony of notification sounds. Why is there an employee handing orders to these delivery guys right next to my head? I bring it up to our waitress. She looks at me with a flouride stare and just shrugs. "How lovely", I think to myself. We finished dinner and I gave a fair tip. On my way out I made sure to use the bathroom, stealing as much unattended silverware as possible on my way to and from. I'm never going back there.
"Yo, me and the rest of the friend group were talking, and we like fucking hate you dude. We like fucking hate your vibes. Yeah dude, we like listened to your podcast and it's low-key like problematic, and shit, and we do not fuck with that", said a guy that looks like the Travelocity gnome with a soul patch.
My Russian friend. All we have left is a confederacy of deeply selfish malcontents. Millions standing hypnotically, mouth agape, in front of an endless conveyer belt of materialism barreling towards us. A flock of women standing in line outside your local target waiting for the limited edition 'Love Island' themed stanley cups. Man-children in suits collecting action figures of superheroes to put on their desks. Superheroes that represent honor, justice, and kindness, but were made in factories with child slave labor overseas. Out of sight, out of mind. We've all been reduced to bugs. No thought behind our actions, only an impulsive reaction to stimuli. The suicide note was an American flag that someone wrote "goodbye" on.