u/ciccio_bello

When I first told my family that I’m polyamorous and in a committed relationship with someone other than my wife they of course were a quite confused, but overall expressed that they loved me no matter what, which was better than I expected at the time considering they are devout Mormons. They didn’t show much curiosity about that part of my life and seemed to try to ignore it for the most part, but that didn’t stop my wife and I from talking about it and trying to share it with them. A few weeks ago I was at the beach with them and my dad asked about my partner and her job search (they are in the same profession). This was a big step and I felt encouraged that they might be ready to meet someone very important to me. For context, I am married and have been since before being poly. I found my partner and we started dating and then my wife and her became best friends, then started dating too so we are now effectively a throuple. No, we are not unicorn hunters, it just kinda happened that way. She has moved in with us, we both consider her a life partner, and all my future plans include her.

Since my partner is essentially their future pseudo-daughter-in-law, and given the progress I thought they had made, I asked if it would be ok if she visits with me sometime. The answer I got was a resounding “no”. My parents would be willing to meet her if they visit us (something they’ve been promising for awhile but have never done) but they will not allow her in their house or at their gatherings. My mom made excuses to take the responsibility of the decision off of them, but it was clear that it was just because they think my situation is too abnormal and they don’t agree with it. Me, my wife, and any kids I have would be welcome in their home, but not someone I love who my future children will call mother.

Obviously I was very upset after this conversation where some hurtful things were said on both sides, and now I’ll have to establish boundaries with my parents. This means they won’t see me for holidays as I’m not leaving family behind and both of my partners’ families want to see ALL of us for the holidays. It also means that they will be seeing less and less of me, because it was already difficult taking time away from my partner to visit and our lives are only becoming more entangled. Luckily, I have a great support system around to make up for the loss I’m feeling. Yesterday we were with my wife’s family for Independence Day and they all gave me big hugs, held my hands, and poured out their love and support.

My journey with polyamory has been filled with so much love and hope, but this is definitely my toughest moment so far.

My family may be running up against bigamy laws in our current trajectory and I wanted to hear from other poly people that may have advice to share.

My wife (N) and I are married and have been since before becoming poly. Almost two years ago L entered my life and we quickly became committed partners. Several months ago N and L started dating too and L recently moved in with us, which was already planned since N and L became best friends almost immediately upon meeting. The three of us want to build our lives together, including kids, buying a house, power of attorney, the whole shebang. Part of that future is that we want to have a commitment ceremony of sorts that we would think of as our wedding, but technically could not be called a wedding due to bigamy laws in the USA. We’ve accepted that a legal union between the three of us will probably never be possible, but we still want to refer to the ceremony as our “wedding” and call each other “husband” and “wife” whenever possible without risking legal trouble.

Has anybody here been in a similar situation and what do you do? Searching for alternatives titles beyond “life partner”and hopefully some advice from people further along in their poly family journey.