The greenfather - Chapter One
To my dearest Rowan,
I do not write to seek forgiveness. There is no forgiveness for what I’ve done; there is no redemption to be found. I write only so you will know the truth, before the ribbons are tied and the forest song begins again.
Spring is nearly upon us. And Elsie is of age to join the dance.
Please, my darling boy, do not let her dance.
Do not let them plait her hair with white ribbon.
Do not let her spin around the maypole beneath that accursed tree.
I know how it sounds. I know what the others will say - sacrilege, madness, grief, old age. Let them. I remember.
I remember every step of that dance. I remember the sound of her laughter… and the other sound, the one she made between the trees. I remember the way the forest saw blood as permission. And I remember the joy - yes, joy - I felt in my heart when I gave my child away.
You were too young to know you had a sister, but you did. And I need someone else to remember her name. The elders forbid us to speak the names of the lost daughters. They say memory brings pain, and pain spoils the bounty we are given - but what bounty is worth a child? What cruel world would demand such a sacrifice?
Your sister’s name was Bronwen. She was the most beautiful child I had ever seen - curls of fiery red hair tumbling down her back in wild ringlets, eyes bright and green as new leaves, and a smile so open and honest it could melt your heart. She had my hands and your father’s laugh - a laugh that came from deep within and made anyone nearby want to share in the joy of her secret.
That was my Bronwen... my greatest regret.
It was the spring of her twelfth year, and we were all so full of hope for what the coming season might bring. Bronwen was to join the spring festival that year. All the girls in her class whispered excitedly, their faces bright with anticipation.
The town elders had been fussing over every detail for months, determined to make this the best festival yet. Our little village looked breathtaking - every small brick house adorned with garlands of wildflowers and bunting. New plants and blossoms lined the cobbled paths leading to the village square.
At the centre stood the old willow tree, tall and graceful like an ancient matriarch. Its bark was carved deep with symbols - shapes renewed and sharpened for the occasion. Bright silk ribbons wrapped ceremoniously around its upper branches, streaming down like festive banners. Jars filled with flickering candles hung from its limbs, waiting for the night of the festival.
The whole of the village was filled with the sounds of singing. Little girls jumping over skipping ropes to the songs passed down through the generations. I'm sure you've heard them. Elsie sings them sometimes:
"Ribbon red and ribbon white,
Tie her hair, make it tight.
Step by step, she’ll lead the way,
To where the forest shadows sway.
Don’t be afraid, the forest calls,
Softly singing through the halls.
Call her maiden, call her mine,
Mark her brow with ash and pine.
She will dance the Midwife’s ring,
Womb to soil, and flesh to spring.
In her hands, life will grow,
From earth below to skies aglow."
Bronwen once sang them too. She learned the rhymes at school, just like all the others. She was taught the old songs, the old rituals, the old lore. She was taught that being chosen as the Forest Bride was the greatest honour any girl could receive - that if she was chosen, she would be revered. That she would bring life to our little village.
They told her the Forest Bride received gifts and parties, fine clothes, celebration. They never told her what came after. The old songs are just pretty lies we tell ourselves to cover our sins - to help us ignore the sounds that come from the woods for the year that follows.
I can still feel the softness of her ringlets between my fingers as I wove the white ribbons into her hair. I still remember the way she smiled, beaming with joy, as I whispered a prayer -
a prayer that my Bronwen would be chosen.
That she would lift our family up. I prayed. I prayed for her to be taken from me. And she was grateful.
The sun shone bright and bloated, like a swollen belly. The breeze was soft and warm, promising the perfect day ahead. Bronwen was twirling around the kitchen in her new white sundress. I wish I could live in that memory forever - before it turned. Before it soured. Before every memory of her became stained, soiled, sullied. Now, even the brightest moments wear a shroud.
She held my hand - so small, so soft - as she led me skipping to the place where her fate would be sealed. Smiling. Giggling. Skipping toward her doom without knowing. She ran off to join the other girls, all dressed the same: pale and delicate, like sprays of cow parsley scattered in a meadow.
Then the elders emerged from the meeting house, robed in deep green - the green of forest moss and buried things - wildflowers threaded through the long grey plaits that hung down their backs.
They smiled at the girls. I thought it was pride, once. Now I know that smile - the kind that curls from the corners of a fox’s mouth when it sees chickens behind a broken fence.
The drums began first, then the fiddle - bright and bouncing. The girls knew what to do. They’d been taught. One by one, they took hands, forming a living chain as they were led into the center of the village square.
An elder lifted her arms and spoke the blessing: of new life, of bounty, of spring’s return. The ritual words were like soft rain on the crowd - familiar, comforting.
She instructed the girls to each take a ribbon. They obeyed, laughing. Smiling. Spinning. I watched them take hold of those bright strands - pinks and yellows and greens — streaming from the old willow’s boughs.
Now, when I see those ribbons in my mind’s eye, they do not flutter like streamers. They dangle like umbilical cord from that wretched tree for that hungry god.
The crowd of villagers - proud parents, smiling elders - began to clap in time as the girls spun round and round the ancient tree. The rhythm built, faster and faster, until they collapsed in a heap of limbs and laughter, tangled at the roots of the willow. The square rang with clapping, cheering - the foolish joy of youth, paraded for all to see.
When the girls had finally stilled their spinning heads, the mothers moved in. We gathered our daughters like lambs, guiding them gently by the hand toward the final rite. A wide circle formed. Each girl faced inward, buzzing with excitement just barely contained behind bright eyes and flushed cheeks.
We mothers stood behind them - solemn, stoic - our hands placed on their shoulders. Steadying them. Holding them. Trapping them. A prison made of motherly touch.
Then the second elder stepped into the circle, the one who always handled the beast. At her side strained a massive bloodhound, its heavy jowls flecked with froth, eyes rolling red in their sockets. The leash groaned with tension. The dog snarled low, its nose twitching as it scented the wind.
The elder lifted one gnarled hand - though the hush had already fallen thick as pollen across the square. Then she spoke the words you already know, my dear Rowan. The words carved into the bones of this village. The promises.
That to be chosen was to be divinely favoured. That the Forest Bride would carry our blessings. That bounty would bloom, that our fields would ripen, that the girl would be forever cherished by the Greenfather.
Then the hound was loosed.
It leapt forward, snuffling, circling, drawn to scent alone. The girls stood frozen, quivering slightly beneath our hands. I closed my eyes. I remember that moment more than any other. I was praying- not for safety, not for protection. No. I prayed that the beast would stop at Bronwen. I begged every god I could think of, old and new. I begged the forest itself. I asked the earth to open and name my daughter. I asked the trees to want her.
And they did.
When I opened my eyes, the bloodhound was before her. Those bloodshot eyes met mine. I swear it knew. Then it buried its snout in the folds of her dress, growling, drooling, claiming. Thick strings of spit soaked through the white cotton. Bronwen trembled beneath my hands.
The elder clapped her hands together, jubilant. Her almost-black eyes brimmed with tears as she pulled the dog back and cried out the words:
“Bronwen is chosen. The Bride of Spring.”
The crowd erupted. Music burst anew from the fiddles and flutes. I turned to see the other girls - their disappointment raw, their mothers masked with bitter jealousy. And in me bloomed something worse.
Pride.
A thick, cloying pride that filled my lungs like smoke. That hot, sticky tar of satisfaction that my daughter had been chosen. The forest had seen her - and claimed her.
The dance ended with the old rite. One by one, the other girls stepped forward. They reached up and untied the white ribbons from Bronwen’s hair, stripping her of innocence. No longer a child - not like them.
Then the five elders came. Slowly. Reverently. Each plaited a red ribbon into her curls. Each whispered something low into her ear. Each pressed a kiss to her brow.
Bronwen was practically dancing beside me all the way home, her little feet barely touching the ground. She kept clutching the red ribbons in her hair, fingers twining them over and over, as if she couldn’t quite believe they were real.
“I am the Forest Bride,” she whispered to herself, as though testing the shape of it in her mouth. Then louder, to me “Did you see them, Mama? Did you see how the dog knew? Did you see Elder Morwenna cry? She cried, Mama. She said I was chosen.”
I nodded. I smiled. I said all the things a good mother should say - how proud I was, how beautiful she’d looked, how special it all was. I told her she was blessed. I told her this was what she was born for. I think I even meant it, then.
The village was still buzzing when we passed through the square - neighbours calling out their congratulations, women leaning from their windows to wave and toss petals down onto the path. Bronwen beamed like a little queen. She soaked up every bit of praise, her green eyes bright with wonder.
She didn’t notice the way the elders watched us pass, silent now. Their smiles were smaller, tighter. Their eyes were already distant - as though they were watching something from far away. As though she was already leaving us.
That night, she couldn’t sleep. Too full of joy, of nerves, of stories spinning in her head.
She sat cross-legged on her bed, recounting every detail of what the festival would be like tomorrow.
The feast they’d prepare - sweet breads and berry pies and roasted lamb with rosemary. The way the fireflies would flicker in jars strung from the trees. How the whole village would line the road to see her off. How the elders would sing the old songs, and gift her the bridal shawl sewn from spider silk and nettle-thread, just like in the stories.
She asked me what the forest would be like at night. Whether she would sleep beneath the stars or in the roots of the old trees, whether the Greenfather would speak to her in dreams.
And I told her - yes, my love. Yes, you will.
She smiled at that, as though that was the most magical thing of all. She fell asleep eventually, clutching the plaits of her red ribbon like a rosary and dreaming mossy dreams of trees and antlers and flowers.
I sat beside her until the candle burned low. I watched her chest rise and fall, soft and steady, and I tried to imagine the house without her - how quiet it would be, just me and my husband and our youngest, Rowan, still too young to walk without support. I hurriedly wiped away a blasphemous tear that trickled down my cheek. I had no right to mourn the loss of my child - she was going to be something greater, she was going to join a god, become holy and honoured. But still, my heart skipped a beat anytime I glanced at those crimson red ribbons entangled in my daughter's hair.
I told myself the red was only symbolic - a rite of passage, a mark of coming of age - but it stained everything it touched. Her pillow, her fingertips, the white cotton of her dress where she clutched at the ends in her sleep. I could not stop seeing it as blood. Deceptive blood that screamed I'm here, I'm a woman, free to be taken.
An old sickness bubbled up deep within me - a feeling I had experienced only once before, in my own girlhood, the night before the great spring feast. Hearing the sound of the forest: the cracking of boughs, the rustle of leaves, even the growing of plants within the earth. It wasn’t a sound you heard in your ears, but felt deep within your core, behind your ribs, echoing within your very being.
Somewhere out there, he was waiting.
The Horned Midwife.
The Rooted Stag.
The Hollow Father.
He Who Grows Beneath.
So many names for one old hunger.
And I had prayed to Him. I had offered my daughter like seed to soil. I had begged for her to be taken. And tomorrow, He will answer.
When the birds began their morning chorus, Bronwen was already awake - too excited to sleep a moment longer. I found her perched on your father’s knee in the kitchen, giggling as he bounced her up and down in time with that old song we were taught as children. Though many years have passed since your father died, I still hear that song in his rich voice, echoing in my head like a curse we unknowingly placed upon our own child:
"Lay your head on mossy bed,
The Green Father comes when the moon turns red.
We’ll set the table, knife and plate,
For those who bloom and come of late.
Apple cheeks and daisy knees,
He plucks his fruit from groves of these.
Soft the soil, and soft the skin,
He’ll knock three times, and let Himself in."
At the final line, he dropped her gently between his knees and tickled her until she shrieked with laughter, tears streaming down her rosy cheeks.
From the doorway, I smiled, aching to preserve that moment forever. But then I saw the red ribbons still braided in her hair, and the weight of the day came crashing back. There would be no more mornings like this.
I busied myself at the stove, cracking eggs into the pan, stirring and flipping and pretending that this was just another ordinary day. But it wasn’t. Today was sacred. Today belonged to the forest bride.
After breakfast, a knock came at the door. The elders stood on the door step, cloaked in their deep green robes, the color of dark leaves and damp earth. They entered the room like trees that had overgrown the forest itself, stooping beneath the beams, shadows stretching long across the floor.
They brought gifts for Bronwen. A dress of deep red - exactly the color of her ribbons - light as a whisper, sheer as mist. A crown made of thorns and white blossoms, twisted together in impossible intricacy. And finally, a small carved trinket box.
Bronwen gasped, running her fingers over the smooth wood before lifting the lid with reverent hands. Inside lay a necklace: a delicate wooden effigy of the goddess of fertility - her round belly marked with deep swirling grooves. Bronwen held it up, wonder in her eyes, and asked what it was made from. The elders smiled and told her it was carved from a shed antler of the Green Father himself - a wedding gift for his chosen bride.
She clapped her hands with joy and kissed her father goodbye before joining the solemn procession of the elders. I followed as we wound through the village streets. Every house we passed flung handfuls of petals and shouted blessings from their windows. She waved to them all, radiant.
We arrived at the meeting house - small, dark, and damp. Moss crept along the stone walls. Tree roots pushed up through the floorboards, as though the forest had reached in and reclaimed this place long ago, allowing us to use it only when it suited its will.
In the center of the room stood a great copper tub, placed before a wide window that faced the endless trees. The elders moved silently, fetching pails of boiling water from the hearth, pouring them reverently into the tub. They muttered old rites as oils and herbs - rosemary, thyme, and others I didn’t recognize - were added to the water. A heavy steam began to rise, thick with scent.
When they had finished their murmuring, they turned to Bronwen and began to undress her. She stood quietly, shivering a little, as their withered hands guided her small body into the bath. I saw then how pale she looked. How childlike.
The steam poured out in clouds as she stepped in, her skin flushing red from the heat. But she made no complaint. Not a sound. The room felt too close. The heat and herbs made my head light and slow. I don’t know if it was the smoke, or something older than smoke, but through the window, just for a moment, I swear I saw it. A great shape between the trees. Towering. Still. Its antlers branched like winter limbs, and I swear it was watching us.
The elders began to sing in that low, weaving tone that always reminded me of bees buzzing in a jar. Their hands moved rhythmically over her skin, lifting her hair, pressing their palms over her chest, her arms, her thighs. Sometimes their hands disappeared beneath the surface. I saw Bronwen glance at me, her cheeks pink with discomfort - but she said nothing.
When the water cooled and the rites were done, they guided her out and dried her carefully. One woman massaged her belly with oil, muttering as she worked. Another plaited Bronwen’s hair into a high crown, binding it with the red ribbons.
Then came the linen cloth.
An elder pressed it between Bronwen’s legs and lifted it high. A red stain bloomed at its center. The others clapped and cooed, their voices high and bright with joy. But it was the sound pigs make when they find something sweet in the dirt.
Ashes from the hearth were mixed with the blood, and from that unholy paste the elders drew their symbols - across her arms, her chest, her legs, and finally across the soft curve of her stomach.
At last, the red dress was lowered over her head, the buttons fastened, the ribbons tied. She looked radiant. She looked holy.
But to me, she looked impossibly young. Still my Bronwen. Still my child who once wore white ribbons. Still my little girl.