u/cookiebear00

I (26F) have been trying to figure out if I handled a situation poorly with my boyfriend’s mom (61F) and I’d really appreciate outside perspective.

Recently she stayed over and at one point in time I offered her the bed because she was in pain and I wanted to be helpful. In the moment I didn’t think it through fully and just said yes because I felt bad and wanted to accommodate her.

Afterward I realized I’m actually not comfortable with anyone else using my bed. It’s something I have anxiety/OCD related discomfort around and it’s really my personal safe space. I only share it with my boyfriend.

There was also a separate situation where I felt a bit put on the spot regarding giving her $1000 and I agreed to something I wasn’t fully comfortable with. I didn’t communicate properly at the time and ended up holding everything in which probably contributed to the misunderstanding. However later I communicated all of this to my boyfriend and told him that she asked me for money and he told her himself that I didn’t feel comfortable. She ended up leaving the apartment crying and something to know is that I was not at home at the time. So I didn’t end up giving her any money.

Later on I tried to explain that I’m not comfortable sharing my bed via text and that I also need a bit more personal space in our small apartment as she likes to sleepover twice a week which is something I actually did communicate to my boyfriend that I don’t want happening anymore. I think it may have come across as rejection or like I was backtracking and now things feel a bit tense and she hasn’t responded but read the message.

I feel guilty because I did originally offer her to use our bed a while ago but I also feel like I was just trying to be kind in the moment and then realized my actual boundary afterward.

AITB for changing my mind and setting that boundary after the fact even if it may have hurt her feelings?

I (26F) live in a very small apartment with my boyfriend. Recently there’s been tension with his mom because in the past when she was having pain issues or needed help, I let her sleep in our bed a couple times while I took the couch or figured something else out.

The issue is that I honestly hated it the whole time but I have a really hard time saying no to people because I don’t want to hurt feelings or seem rude. I also have anxiety/OCD issues around personal space and my bed feels like my “safe space.” I’m only really comfortable sharing it with my boyfriend.

Recently the topic came up again and I finally admitted I’m not comfortable with anyone else sleeping in my bed anymore. Apparently this really hurt her feelings and now things feel tense. Keep in mind I was not at home while she was sleeping in the bed and only my boyfriend was there. He told me casually on the phone that she wanted to try the new bed we had just gotten a couple weeks ago out which I thought was weird. I also admitted I felt overwhelmed because our apartment is tiny and I don’t get much privacy or space to decompress. She also sleeps over at least twice a week and I find this very strange but she mostly takes the couch and this is the only recent time where she used the bed.

There was also a money related situation where I agreed to giving her $1000 even though I wasn’t comfortable because I felt pressured in the moment based on how she asked me. But then I ended up changing my mind because I didn’t feel comfortable. I communicated all of this to my boyfriend and he told her I didn’t feel comfortable even though I wanted to be the one to tell her. She ended up leaving the apartment crying. I ended up bottling up a lot of feelings instead of communicating clearly from the beginning which I know is partly on me.

I sent her a long message apologizing for how I communicated things and explaining it wasn’t personal and that I do care about her but she never responded and ignored the message. Now I’m wondering if I handled this badly or if my boundaries were reasonable.

AITA for not wanting anyone else sleeping in my bed and needing more personal space?