u/coolbutthole

About three weeks ago, this really annoying thing started happening in my bedroom: a constant humming noise, all night almost every night. I’ve been relentless in trying to get my building management to fix it. No one can figure it out and I’ve lost hope that this will be fixed, and I still have six months on my lease.

My main concern is my dog. Yes, the noise is driving me nuts, but there are things I can do. I have a white noise machine and play rain noises on my phone to try and drown it out. I’ve considered investing in some quality ear plugs, but I can’t get ear plugs for my dog.

She hasn’t given any indication that the noise is bothering her, but she’s not the best communicator! She’s always been a tough cookie and it’s hard to tell when she’s in pain or discomfort.

Would such a noise be bothersome or a health risk to a dog over a long term? If so, I might try to use that as an excuse to break my lease. I’ll leave a video of the noise in the comments if I can.

To preface: this post isn’t an attack on men. It is merely sharing my experiences and trying to get past them.

I find myself having an inherent dislike toward and fear of most men. I wasn’t like this for most of my life, but from the ages of 18-28, I was in a relationship with a man who I thought loved me and then ended up being a nightmare. Without getting too much into it, he was cruel, incompetent and sexually aggressive. But that’s not what put me off men entirely.

I tried dating and found a pool of men that was… disappointing in a lot of ways. I felt like I had to bring everything to the table and put in all the effort while the men simply got to… exist. After 10 years babying my ex, I knew I didn’t want that, so I stopped dating. Then, from 2023-2025, I worked as a gaming journalist at a very large website and found myself constantly harassed and threatened online as part of GamerGate 2.0. My inbox was full of things that no one should have to see, and my job offered no support. It was hell and pushed me out of gaming journalism. It worked out, as my current job is much better in many ways, but it emphasized my fear of men, especially as it’s near impossible for young men to avoid red-pill content online.

Finally, my brother in law — who I thought was one of the good ones — left my sister and their 2 year old son two months ago. A man who I thought was good and kind flipped a switch out of nowhere and has shown nothing but cruelty and indifference to the women who spent 13 years giving him everything.

I’ve been single for six years now and the thought of dating terrifies me. I wish I was attracted to women, but because I’m not, I’m convinced I’ll never be in a relationship again. The thought of living with a man again is too much to bear, as expensive as living alone is.

The thing is, I know good men exist. My dad is unequivocally the best man I’ve ever met, so it seems almost ironic that I would develop this fear and disdain, but here we are. I don’t want to be this way. I want to have discernment and standards without ruling out every man that’s ever existed. Is anyone else like this?

My brother-in-law walked out on my sister and their toddler last night and I can’t stop fuming about it.

They’ve been together for 13 years, married for three. They bought a house together, moved across the country together, had a baby. They’ve had some rough times — he hasn’t had a fulltime job in a couple years — but they make it work. Well, my sister does.

She works fulltime and her job provides the health insurance for the family. She runs a small business on the side to bring in extra money. She bought all the furniture. Pays for all their vacations and outings. She does most of the childcare. She does all the cleaning. She’s passionate about interior design and has made their house a home. She wakes up at 5am to work out every morning and has stayed fit, even post-baby. She’s constantly hyping up her husband and talking about what a dream man he is.

But it’s still. Never. Enough. My sister had a hunch last week and checked his phone while he was out (which I generally don’t endorse, but it was the only time she’s ever done this). She found a conversation he had with a friend where he was talking about how he doesn’t want to be with her anymore and has always had feelings for some woman he went to high school with who just got divorced. My sister STILL wanted to work it out with her husband. Still did everything she could to make him stay. He still walked out on her and her child last night.

It’s so similar to what I went through with my ex — I paid for everything, cooked and cleaned, was the “cool girl” who indulged in his interests and never said no to sex. It still wasn’t enough.

We live in a world where MEGAN THEE STALLION got cheated on. It doesn’t matter how beautiful you are, how successful, how kind and communicative. It will never be enough for a man not bringing half as much to the table.

I’m tired. I just want normal standards for both women and men. I’m so fucking tired of women having to be everything and it’s still. Never. Enough.

I’m taking a quick trip to Santa Barbara next weekend. I should get there from LA around dinner time on Friday and leave early-ish Sunday.

Any must-do recommendations for a solo traveler? I’m a woman in my mid-30s bringing my small, well-behaved dog. The dog’s not wildly active, but I have a stroller for her when she gets tired.

I’m a fairly active person (except I don’t know how to ride a bike) and I don’t mind doing MOST things alone, although something like a wine tasting alone would probably be too much. I just moved into a new apartment, so I definitely would love to find some cute and quirky shops for decor while I’m there, in addition to any hikes/restaurants ya’ll would recommend.