Relationship help seeked deeply
My girlfriend was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder last week.
I’d suspected for a long time that something was wrong with her mental health.
As for us, we’ve been in a relationship for 1 year and 6 months.
The beginning of the relationship—and the half-year of friendship that came before it—were very nice and pleasant.
Over time, things got worse and worse because of certain behaviors.
At first, as I said, everything was fine, but then she started having trouble sleeping if I wasn’t on the phone. Over time, it even got to the point where I couldn’t go to sleep before she did, otherwise she couldn’t either (I miss my normal sleep schedule).
Another issue is her coming over regularly—either because she’s feeling anxious or has trouble sleeping—but that’s actually gotten a little better lately
80% of the time, she comes over between 9 p.m. and 3 a.m., and honestly, that’s exhausting and unsafe
I’m always very considerate of my girlfriend and do everything in my power
I have a little quirk too, but everyone has one somewhere.
In any case, one thing that’s really tough right now is that so many people are picking on me for practically nothing.
I’ve always been more of a quiet loner—I didn’t get scolded much as a kid—and I absolutely can’t stand that it’s gotten so much worse over the last 6–7 months.
My reaction is that, out of my own inner frustration, I intentionally push it further and further, which doesn’t make the situation any better—sometimes with so much inner anger and frustration that I just punch the table or a wall (twice, even drawing a little blood).
I’m trying to change that.
But basically, I’m actually a very, very calm person and don’t usually do things like hitting unless I’m emotionally overwhelmed.
I’d describe my behavior this way: I’m calm and handle situations calmly, but I react based on the principle of cause and effect.
Of course I get annoyed when someone yells at me about three things in ten minutes.
So, in general, more and more frustration builds up, but it doesn’t go away because it doesn’t get any less—it just keeps piling up.
Yeah, I have other issues too, which is why professional help wouldn’t be a bad idea.
But my girlfriend didn’t give me an ultimatum—she just said:
“This relationship will only work if you seek help.”
I think I didn’t say anything, mainly because I was upset myself. Yes, I have aggression issues because I’ve never reached my frustration threshold and I handle it the wrong way, but I don’t need therapy for this relationship to work.
The therapist isn’t there to tell me how to deal with you (She never knows herself and just says, “You’re doing it wrong with me,” without explaining how I should do it better)
But that’s it for now—there’s more, but my hands hurt from all the typing.
My main questions are:
How can I handle her better in certain situations?
How can I step back, calm down, and then address the situation in those kinds of moments?
And do I really need to go to therapy specifically to learn how to deal with her, when the only reason I often act the way I do is simply because of how she treats me?
And it would be nice if someone would be willing to chat with me to help me deal with specific situations
P.S. I love her, but the frustration just builds up over time