u/couragecouragecourag

I did a 10-day course a decade ago but have not maintained my practice. So I have been very keen to get back to it, hoping this will finally be the year…

Sadly though I received my first rejection for a 10-day course, despite that the same center accepted my application a year ago ( I ultimately couldn’t sit that course due to a work emergency) and despite that another center had me confirmed on the waitlist for another course a few months ago (did not make it to the course in the end).

Nothing changed in my application or life over the last year, except honestly good developments, like that I stopped drinking for half a year and now barely drink alcohol, and that I started practicing anapana daily.

The reason for rejection: I disclosed that I self-diagnosed as having had depression four years ago (had suicidal thoughts in passing at the time), and have felt better since then, but that I still suffer from anxiety that sometimes disrupts my sleep and that I lack some motivation at work. Never actually diagnosed, never on medication, never had a mental health episode. And unironically I do great at work.

The conclusion: don’t apply for two years and we will keep a record of the rejection, and continue talk therapy.

Maybe I should’ve been more careful in how I expressed things in my application, or I exaggerated or something? But why would I be rejected this time despite being accepted before?

I’m genuinely shocked- I didn’t expect this especially because I am doing as good as ever these years, and have no doubt I would do well in the course.

Should I call them, or should I just reapply elsewhere?

Hello present and future quitters,

I made a post some weeks ago about wanting to finally quit, after countless failed attempts over several years, and I received really helpful replies from kind people here. I have made it to Day 14 now and want to say thank you to this subreddit.

So far it has been:
- Day 1-7, easy
- Day 8-13, more trying; my mind is a bit haywire and anxious but I am trying to not take it too seriously
- Not eating as healthy as I should be, to put it mildly… but I’m allowing it until Day 21

So far what has helped, practically speaking:
- changing daily routine starting Day 1. I take a walk and do a breathing exercise first thing every morning
- doing some exercise every day - gym, running, evening walks, even just mobility exercises feel good
- planning small fun or relaxing activities to look forward to… anything better than sitting at home miserable
- avoiding all those daily stressors that we can do without or postpone (I keep telling myself that my mind and body are sick and healing, so I should take it as easy as possible, etc etc)

Someone wrote here on my last post that the truth is, some people want to be addicted, that there is the road of addiction and the road of freedom, and we have to choose. I understand this doesn’t resonate universally because quitting is genuinely hard, but for what it’s worth I realized today that I do regularly enough crave a cigarette for basic reasons (I do something that reminds me of smoking) but what I have really wanted is to relapse, just so I can relapse, and avoid having to live outside the trap as a non-smoker. That desire to relapse just translates in my head as “have a cigarette” but I know that I do not want one, I want what having one means. It’s really insane but I am grateful to now see it.