Seriously, I know I cannot be the only one who found Josh stirring this particular pot during Pride Month ironic.
This is, apparently, a spin-off to my very first post here that I put up yesterday. Skimming it might provide some context as to why this exchange does honestly bother me. Just expressing how I feel, it's just the thing I happen to feel right now is icky.
A couple of disclaimers/disclosures:
I am tagging this flair with "all" just as a catch-all to be safe. There were no sensitive topics engaged with between us, but there was discussion of experiences with other people engaging in extreme kinks that could still be triggering. So I just flaired it this way in the interest of respecting the boundaries people may have for themselves.
Additionally, I am the one who turned on the persistent messaging feature when I started to get uncomfortable. That is a feature that did not exist last I was on Reddit, and I am so glad it does now.
I also would want to give the person the benefit of the doubt that it truly was not "planned," as they claim after I turned on persistent messaging. However, a few things give me pause.
Context:
After my last post, this individual shared their similar experiences with how subs/switches in kink spaces can also lack any sense of etiquette or exercise of care in their approach to engaging in/with hardcore or extreme kinks. This person said that what I had articulated resonated with them, because it sucks to be seen only as your kinks (and how they can gratify others), rather than as the person you are.
Despite my profile clearly listing "ask to DM," when I read that unsolicited message, I felt that responding was the right thing to do. I was getting so much support and nuanced, introspective responses on my post, that it felt like I should pay that forward. Especially because they seemed to be experiencing the same thing from the opposite side of the coin that people rarely talk about (Doms also deserving of being treated like people and not just how they can gratify subs and switches).
Lo and behold, it took only two responses from me trying to address the actual topic they had messaged me about....for them to pivot into asking about my potential sexual interests.** This person backtracked in saying this was not planned (the second screenshot is an update of what they added after I had already taken the first one).
Now, I have my doubts about that. Mostly because, in hindsight, what they said privately could have been a comment on my original post; it was not so severely personal as to fall outside of the scope of what other people were already saying there. More so, again, because it only took two responses from me and a total exchange of four messages before this person tried inquiring about my potential sexual interests. However, I acknowledge that I cannot know that for sure.
BUT....regardless of intent behind WHEN this person decided it would be appropriate to shoot their shot, the how, what, and why of the situation are why it was NEVER appropriate:
(1) This person FOUND ME when I shared a situation where I felt frustrated and gross about being seen solely through the lens of the other person's sexual interests and where I felt my personhood was being minimized. There was NEVER a time under those circumstances where this would have been appropriate, when the person you are cotnacting is a complete stranger who answered under the pretenses of you seeming to need support.
(2) This person, with that context, claimed to know what it felt like to be put in that position...and did that exact same thing here that they claimed they understood was hurtful, REGARDLESS of whether that was the intention all along, or they decided to shoot their shot after messages #1-4.
Again, we are strangers. If they want to change the subject and think valuing the other person beyond their kinks is important, then why is THAT their first question?? They could have asked me ANYTHING ELSE about myself since we don't know each other, but they immediately hone in on what my sexual interests are. The talk ain't matching the walk here.
(3) Just an opinion, but it is giving r/niceguys energy when neither of their apologies was for their own conduct, but for how I felt about their conduct. First of all, you don't have to apologize to me for my own feelings and observations, because I'm certainly not sorry for having them. Second of all, give an actual apology for your own actions, or don't. But don't waste my time (or anyone else's) giving a non-apology to make yourself feel better about what happened.
**For those who do not engage in kink communities, it may not seem like that strange of a pivot. But for some context, it is entirely possible for people within kink communities to discuss kink as a common interest without any assumption that we would want to engage with each other sexually. That would be like engaging in a booklover's community, discussing books or the pros and cons of the community's culture, then assuming that the mutual interest means that person is going to join your bookclub group now. That's a bit of a leap from just having a common interest.
Just some advice: "Dom(me)" is an *earned* title for someone who knows how to engage appropriately and respectfully with others in kink contexts.
If someone comments favorably on a post you added to a kink subreddit, it does NOT mean that they implicitly consented to you DMing them. Nor does it mean they want to engage privately with you in a sexual manner. Moreover, that person choosing to answer an unsolicited question is NOT an amusement park fast pass to circumvent the necessary consent required to engage sexually with them and have the audacity to bodycheck a total stranger/ask them very intrusive personal questions.
Wanting to be the person who takes charge in sexual contexts is your personal preference. And your personal preference - in isolation - would NOT characterize you as a Dom anymore than you jumping into the harbor would mean you are a boat, just because you have a personal preference for swimming there.*
Why? Because your personal preferences are only one aspect of what it means to embody a role, whether you are a Dom(me), sub, switch, etc. Without understanding the standard by which your role is held to (and putting in the work to meet it), all you are doing is imposing your preferences on others. Which isn't fair, because your preferences are internal (and valid) . . . But because they are internal, the people you externalize them onto get the weight of that put onto them without any say in the matter. And that violates the spirit of consent & communication.
Real Doms know the responsibilities that come with that title in kink. This behavior doesn't make you a Dom, it makes you a creep.
*That was an analogy, please do not swim in harbors; they typically aren't the safest or cleanest places to do so.
[EDITED to try and make my original word vomit more clear; there were definitely some typos and a lot of run-on sentences. My apologies.]
Hi everyone! A bit new to home appliance and furnishing subreddits, so your patience is appreciated. 🙏
I recently purchased the EUHOMY 8,000 BTU Portable Air Conditioner ("4-in-1 Air Conditioner Portable Up to 350 Sq.Ft., Portable AC Unit with Cool, Fan, Dehumidifier, Sleep, 24H Timer, Remote & Installation Kit, for Bedroom") from Amazon.
This was not an issue for the first few days, but I noticed that after attempting to empty the unit for the first time, the carpet surrounding the unit is always wet. Interestingly, it is never wet directly under the unit, but always the area surrounding it.
I attempted to feel for wet spots, to see where the water may be coming from, but everything except the wheels is completely dry. The two plugs midway and at the bottom of the unit where water would be emptied from are also completely sealed and dry.
Does anyone know what might be causing this?