i cannot live with ADHD anymore
I live in a world designed completely against my own brain, and i’m taught to hate myself for not being able to adapt to the system like everybody else.
i am so depressed and i feel so hopeless. my adhd meds are like taking bittersweet poison everyday. They triggered anorexia for me at 14 years old ( a combo of sudden med induced weight loss and very low self esteem/body image) , they make me feel numb and tingly with nothing nice inside of me, all food tastes bad, all noises are annoying , i cannot sleep at night, but without them i am wreckless, hyper, and disabled from completing daily tasks.
It sounds fucking stupid and that’s because it is. it’s no wonder people argue that adhd “isn’t real” - because it sounds so made up. there is no logic to it. it sounds so unreasonable and i wish i could say we are making it up. It is hell.
everything is hard, i don’t enjoy anything, i can’t keep friends, i don’t like myself, i don’t fit in anywhere. i Constantly feel weird. I feel odd , weird, out of place, and dumb. Making basic decisions is hard, controlling my temper is hard, being happy is hard, being intimate is hard, eating is hard, sleeping is hard, being on time is hard, having a job is hard, trying to get an education is hard, cleaning is hard, self care is hard , the list goes on.
I cannot do it anymore and everyday i am more and more tempted to disappear. Everybody thinks it’s something it’s not. Living with adhd (especially as a girl) is hell. I feel so tired , i hope some of you guys can relate to any of this , i just don’t think there is an answer.