I know this is a lot, but I was looking for a queer friendly therapist who specializes in other modalities besides talk therapy. Examples, EDMR, ERP, and somatic practices, including the option of telehealth and accepting insurance. I have OCD so talk therapy hasn't worked for me in the past but I still need therapy.
currently engaged to the loml for over 5 years. i'm 32 and i know i am getting better and so is my partner, but i am a FA and they are a dismissive avoidant. every once in a while, like tonight, they get so angry at nothing and shut down. the routine was super off. usually they tell me about their day but they didn't say anything. then they got mad at me about something dumb. i know they know it was dumb because they locked themselves in a bedroom, which they very rarely do. i think it's been two years since they have done that.
there have been a lot of stressors outside of relationship lately. unfortunately, that affects our relationship a lot. I really wish stress brought us closer and didn't distance her. when I stressed out physical closeness helps regulate me but distances her.
i know she needs space. she will be fine tomorrow but I will still be recovering from crying all night it feels so unfair. I don't want to be like this. i did everything to cope! I was even able to eat dinner. read some stuff watched a movie did my chores tried to meditate but I can't stop crying.
all I can think about is breaking up with her and quitting my job and moving to a different country and thinking of every tiny problem we have in our relationship because how dare she not apologize for making me feel this way and not fixing it. all I needed was a good night's sleep. I get up very early for work. I just want to change. get the right perscription to not ever feel this way. i've been working with a psychiatrist for 2 months but can't find the right cocktail yet. in these moments I can't tell if she or I am the problem. these thoughts come every once in a while to run away. I used to actually do it before I met her. I was also not medicated. being completely honest and if i had not been medicated we would 100% not be together. I wish I could be with someone who i didn't need medication just to stay. I broke up with every single other relationship in my life, including friends, throughout my life. it's so hard.