u/cunc_muffin

I am going to try to give as much background as I can as concisely as possible. I am a 40-year-old female married to a 39-year-old male. We have two teenage/young adult children (one living outside of the house, and one still inside). We got married last summer after being officially together for 9 years. Before that, we were best friends with benefits since 2015, and we have been hanging out often as friends since high school in the same social crowds. I thought I knew my man incredibly well.Four months after we got married, I started having seizures. Historically, I have always led the household income, managed the household, and handled all of our financial accounts. We never had a lot of money, but we never truly struggled. Now, after exhausting my FMLA and all the resources I built up, we are 6 months into a period where I haven't even had a portion of my income. My husband did finally switch companies, which came with a much-needed raise and benefits, but in this economy, it is simply not enough.On my 40th birthday, I found out via an MRI that I have a tumor on my left frontal lobe. Because of its location, I fear it is causing the majority of my daily, hourly issues. I also found out that I have high spinal fluid pressure. In 8 months of searching for answers, the only official diagnosis I have is ME/CFS (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). I have no real guidance or treatment plan because I am stuck in an insurance coverage dead-zone. It is a massive amount of weight for anyone to carry. To make matters worse, we make $120 too much to qualify for state benefits like SNAP, aside from Medicaid, which carries different income requirements. I am currently awaiting an SSDI appeal with an attorney who told me my case is highly tiered due to the severity of the symptoms I suffer from and the medication necessary to function. But that does not help us right now.I don’t think I realized until now that I never actually had my husband do anything around the house before this. Because I can no longer manage it all, things are falling apart, and it is extremely hard. This is the exact advice I am looking for.I have been trying to be patient and calm, only saying what is absolutely needed. However, I am so physically ill that I cannot repeat myself four times only to still get no follow-through. I cannot hold his hand to complete every single task for a week straight. If I could do that, wouldn't I just do it myself? Man, I miss just doing that and taking care of everything myself. This transition is so incredibly hard for me.We are about to lose everything. When I ask for help, I constantly get "I don't know," "I forgot," or "I'll try harder." He also constantly tells me that my frustrations are just anxiety and depression. I am sorry, but I have anxiety and depression too—I always have. But I can't just look at life and say, "Well, no dinner for the kids, no ride to school, no water, no electricity." That is not reality. I have compassion for what he is going through, but 7 to 8 months into this, it is getting hard to maintain. He has access to another completely free health care resource that I don't have at all, but he simply refuses to go get help.I never compare our burdens, but I feel like I am physically dying. I can't see the direct line out of this. I understand he is stressed, but I feel constantly blamed for everything to the point where I can't even ask for basic needs, all while his own needs are fully met. I cannot drive due to my symptoms, my medications, and doctor's orders. I have no independent income. He says it is "our money," but then he tells me that I "ask wrong" whenever I need something basic, like a case of water or eye drops. The fight it took just to get eye drops was exhausting.I do not feel okay. I have never been through this either, and I have never had to ask people for things. I don't know how to do it. This definitely wasn't on my 40th year bingo card. I could have never, ever imagined that the cruel words, the actions, and the silence would have come from him.tl;dr How do I get through to a partner who is dropping the ball on our survival and blaming me for being sick? Any advice on how to handle the communication or the division of responsibilities when you suddenly become severely disabled would be appreciated.

Update he's going to leave, my youngest left to a friend's. We don't yell or fight I am anti loud inside so it's the financial and his what seems to be selfish thinking I don't understand why and how is okay with her going she's 15y he's been dad all she can remember she was 3y. How is it looking so easy for him I'm crumbling and have nothing he seems to not care how? 10 years of in love 25 years of friendship how?

I am going to try to give as much background as I can as concisely as possible. I am a 40-year-old female married to a 39-year-old male. We have two teenage/young adult children (one living outside of the house, and one still inside). We got married last summer after being officially together for 9 years. Before that, we were best friends with benefits since 2015, and we have been hanging out often as friends since high school in the same social crowds. I thought I knew my man incredibly well.Four months after we got married, I started having seizures. Historically, I have always led the household income, managed the household, and handled all of our financial accounts. We never had a lot of money, but we never truly struggled. Now, after exhausting my FMLA and all the resources I built up, we are 6 months into a period where I haven't even had a portion of my income. My husband did finally switch companies, which came with a much-needed raise and benefits, but in this economy, it is simply not enough.On my 40th birthday, I found out via an MRI that I have a tumor on my left frontal lobe. Because of its location, I fear it is causing the majority of my daily, hourly issues. I also found out that I have high spinal fluid pressure. In 8 months of searching for answers, the only official diagnosis I have is ME/CFS (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). I have no real guidance or treatment plan because I am stuck in an insurance coverage dead-zone. It is a massive amount of weight for anyone to carry. To make matters worse, we make $120 too much to qualify for state benefits like SNAP, aside from Medicaid, which carries different income requirements. I am currently awaiting an SSDI appeal with an attorney who told me my case is highly tiered due to the severity of the symptoms I suffer from and the medication necessary to function. But that does not help us right now.I don’t think I realized until now that I never actually had my husband do anything around the house before this. Because I can no longer manage it all, things are falling apart, and it is extremely hard. This is the exact advice I am looking for.I have been trying to be patient and calm, only saying what is absolutely needed. However, I am so physically ill that I cannot repeat myself four times only to still get no follow-through. I cannot hold his hand to complete every single task for a week straight. If I could do that, wouldn't I just do it myself? Man, I miss just doing that and taking care of everything myself. This transition is so incredibly hard for me.We are about to lose everything. When I ask for help, I constantly get "I don't know," "I forgot," or "I'll try harder." He also constantly tells me that my frustrations are just anxiety and depression. I am sorry, but I have anxiety and depression too—I always have. But I can't just look at life and say, "Well, no dinner for the kids, no ride to school, no water, no electricity." That is not reality. I have compassion for what he is going through, but 7 to 8 months into this, it is getting hard to maintain. He has access to another completely free health care resource that I don't have at all, but he simply refuses to go get help.I never compare our burdens, but I feel like I am physically dying. I can't see the direct line out of this. I understand he is stressed, but I feel constantly blamed for everything to the point where I can't even ask for basic needs, all while his own needs are fully met. I cannot drive due to my symptoms, my medications, and doctor's orders. I have no independent income. He says it is "our money," but then he tells me that I "ask wrong" whenever I need something basic, like a case of water or eye drops. The fight it took just to get eye drops was exhausting.I do not feel okay. I have never been through this either, and I have never had to ask people for things. I don't know how to do it. This definitely wasn't on my 40th year bingo card. I could have never, ever imagined that the cruel words, the actions, and the silence would have come from him.tl;dr How do I get through to a partner who is dropping the ball on our survival and blaming me for being sick? Any advice on how to handle the communication or the division of responsibilities when you suddenly become severely disabled would be appreciated.

I am going to try to give as much background as I can as concisely as possible. I am a 40-year-old female married to a 39-year-old male. We have two teenage/young adult children (one living outside of the house, and one still inside). We got married last summer after being officially together for 9 years. Before that, we were best friends with benefits since 2015, and we have been hanging out often as friends since high school in the same social crowds. I thought I knew my man incredibly well.Four months after we got married, I started having seizures. Historically, I have always led the household income, managed the household, and handled all of our financial accounts. We never had a lot of money, but we never truly struggled. Now, after exhausting my FMLA and all the resources I built up, we are 6 months into a period where I haven't even had a portion of my income. My husband did finally switch companies, which came with a much-needed raise and benefits, but in this economy, it is simply not enough.On my 40th birthday, I found out via an MRI that I have a tumor on my left frontal lobe. Because of its location, I fear it is causing the majority of my daily, hourly issues. I also found out that I have high spinal fluid pressure. In 8 months of searching for answers, the only official diagnosis I have is ME/CFS (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). I have no real guidance or treatment plan because I am stuck in an insurance coverage dead-zone. It is a massive amount of weight for anyone to carry. To make matters worse, we make $120 too much to qualify for state benefits like SNAP, aside from Medicaid, which carries different income requirements. I am currently awaiting an SSDI appeal with an attorney who told me my case is highly tiered due to the severity of the symptoms I suffer from and the medication necessary to function. But that does not help us right now.I don’t think I realized until now that I never actually had my husband do anything around the house before this. Because I can no longer manage it all, things are falling apart, and it is extremely hard. This is the exact advice I am looking for.I have been trying to be patient and calm, only saying what is absolutely needed. However, I am so physically ill that I cannot repeat myself four times only to still get no follow-through. I cannot hold his hand to complete every single task for a week straight. If I could do that, wouldn't I just do it myself? Man, I miss just doing that and taking care of everything myself. This transition is so incredibly hard for me.We are about to lose everything. When I ask for help, I constantly get "I don't know," "I forgot," or "I'll try harder." He also constantly tells me that my frustrations are just anxiety and depression. I am sorry, but I have anxiety and depression too—I always have. But I can't just look at life and say, "Well, no dinner for the kids, no ride to school, no water, no electricity." That is not reality. I have compassion for what he is going through, but 7 to 8 months into this, it is getting hard to maintain. He has access to another completely free health care resource that I don't have at all, but he simply refuses to go get help.I never compare our burdens, but I feel like I am physically dying. I can't see the direct line out of this. I understand he is stressed, but I feel constantly blamed for everything to the point where I can't even ask for basic needs, all while his own needs are fully met. I cannot drive due to my symptoms, my medications, and doctor's orders. I have no independent income. He says it is "our money," but then he tells me that I "ask wrong" whenever I need something basic, like a case of water or eye drops. The fight it took just to get eye drops was exhausting.I do not feel okay. I have never been through this either, and I have never had to ask people for things. I don't know how to do it. This definitely wasn't on my 40th year bingo card. I could have never, ever imagined that the cruel words, the actions, and the silence would have come from him.tl;dr How do I get through to a partner who is dropping the ball on our survival and blaming me for being sick? Any advice on how to handle the communication or the division of responsibilities when you suddenly become severely disabled would be appreciated.

I am going to try to give as much background as I can as concisely as possible. I am a 40-year-old female married to a 39-year-old male. We have two teenage/young adult children (one living outside of the house, and one still inside). We got married last summer after being officially together for 9 years. Before that, we were best friends with benefits since 2015, and we have been hanging out often as friends since high school in the same social crowds. I thought I knew my man incredibly well.Four months after we got married, I started having seizures. Historically, I have always led the household income, managed the household, and handled all of our financial accounts. We never had a lot of money, but we never truly struggled. Now, after exhausting my FMLA and all the resources I built up, we are 6 months into a period where I haven't even had a portion of my income. My husband did finally switch companies, which came with a much-needed raise and benefits, but in this economy, it is simply not enough.On my 40th birthday, I found out via an MRI that I have a tumor on my left frontal lobe. Because of its location, I fear it is causing the majority of my daily, hourly issues. I also found out that I have high spinal fluid pressure. In 8 months of searching for answers, the only official diagnosis I have is ME/CFS (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). I have no real guidance or treatment plan because I am stuck in an insurance coverage dead-zone. It is a massive amount of weight for anyone to carry. To make matters worse, we make $120 too much to qualify for state benefits like SNAP, aside from Medicaid, which carries different income requirements. I am currently awaiting an SSDI appeal with an attorney who told me my case is highly tiered due to the severity of the symptoms I suffer from and the medication necessary to function. But that does not help us right now.I don’t think I realized until now that I never actually had my husband do anything around the house before this. Because I can no longer manage it all, things are falling apart, and it is extremely hard. This is the exact advice I am looking for.I have been trying to be patient and calm, only saying what is absolutely needed. However, I am so physically ill that I cannot repeat myself four times only to still get no follow-through. I cannot hold his hand to complete every single task for a week straight. If I could do that, wouldn't I just do it myself? Man, I miss just doing that and taking care of everything myself. This transition is so incredibly hard for me.We are about to lose everything. When I ask for help, I constantly get "I don't know," "I forgot," or "I'll try harder." He also constantly tells me that my frustrations are just anxiety and depression. I am sorry, but I have anxiety and depression too—I always have. But I can't just look at life and say, "Well, no dinner for the kids, no ride to school, no water, no electricity." That is not reality. I have compassion for what he is going through, but 7 to 8 months into this, it is getting hard to maintain. He has access to another completely free health care resource that I don't have at all, but he simply refuses to go get help.I never compare our burdens, but I feel like I am physically dying. I can't see the direct line out of this. I understand he is stressed, but I feel constantly blamed for everything to the point where I can't even ask for basic needs, all while his own needs are fully met. I cannot drive due to my symptoms, my medications, and doctor's orders. I have no independent income. He says it is "our money," but then he tells me that I "ask wrong" whenever I need something basic, like a case of water or eye drops. The fight it took just to get eye drops was exhausting.I do not feel okay. I have never been through this either, and I have never had to ask people for things. I don't know how to do it. This definitely wasn't on my 40th year bingo card. I could have never, ever imagined that the cruel words, the actions, and the silence would have come from him.How do I get through to a partner who is dropping the ball on our survival and blaming me for being sick? Any advice on how to handle the communication or the division of responsibilities when you suddenly become severely disabled would be appreciated