29 sober days in the last 6 months
Hi everyone,
As it goes in one of the songs by $uicideboy$: “As the years go by, the drugs used to be fun, now they’ve become a problem.”
That’s exactly how I feel right now.
I started smoking weed in 2020 when I was 21, and since then the habit has stayed with me almost constantly. The longest period I stayed sober was only one month — when I moved to Germany in 2025 and simply didn’t know where to find it.
Since 08.12.25 I’ve been using a habit tracker to track both my bad habits and my good habits every single day. Recently I decided to count how many full sober days I actually had. The answer was depressing.
I fight the urges, I lose, I smoke, and then I regret it.
Now it usually starts after 7 PM. And the thing is, I live in a place where it feels like one third of the people are plugs. I’m not saying that as an excuse, but it definitely makes things harder.
Every morning I wake up thinking:
“Why did I do it again? Today is going to be different.”
But by the evening, when I’m tired and bored, the only thing that still gives me that little spark is smoking a joint. Even though deep down I know nothing really changes. I just become more tired after 15 minutes, stop talking to people, and sometimes even skip my good habits because of weed.
I did so many bad things to get money to buy weed, i lied my parents to get money, stole money from my moms piggy bank, i waste most of the money i get from the government, i got a VERY mini job in the camp that i live now, i get €22 a week and i spend it on weed constantly.
I am ashamed of myself.
I cannot rest my brain. This cycle just won’t break.
Please give me some advice or maybe just share your experience.
I know there’s no magic hack. I probably just need to survive the boredom and that painful feeling in my chest when the urges come.
I quit cigarettes before, so maybe this is the same thing — something I need to slowly starve until it dies.
Thank you for reading.