u/cuvervillepenguin

Looking for my fellow New Yorkers. Does anyone want to get a group together to see the doc on opening day?

Just a psa—they own many buildings in the city and don’t take care of the buildings. It’s a joke. Just bad bad bad stay away.

It’s day 71 of NC with my mom and VLC almost NC with my “safer parent” enabler dad. Mom is a narc, dad might be too. But he keeps trying to pull me back in to do my job and serve my mom and my health is suffering from the decades of compounded trauma. This process has made me realize he also doesn’t really care about me, he only cares if I’m performing my role of the good doting daughter.

I didn’t send anything to my mom for Mother’s Day and decided I wouldn’t send anything to dad either. I know if I send him a card it will cause drama at home and tbh, I’m just really hurt and couldn’t muster writing a mushy card.

But I’m feeling guilty now. I’m just so confused and I’m so depressed and struggling with this stage of estrangement and not sure how to navigate this. Next I have to dread my birthday.

Is it ok that I didn’t send one? Or that I’m not planning to?

Hi everyone, I’m a mess. I’m in the depth of grief and stress about the early stages of no contact with my mom and mostly with my dad. But tonight he texted me saying she had a TIA (she’s had them her whole life) and that she’s seeing her dr tomorrow.

They didn’t call 911 and he refuses because he doesn’t want to upset her. 😐

I’m just barely into processing not having her in my life, it’s been technically 58 days today.

What should I do? Should I call in case she dies? Or has a full stroke and can’t speak? I’m 3,000 miles away and they have no one near them or in their lives. Dad also has early Alzheimer’s so I feel stuck and lost and just don’t know what to do. I’m so scared.

I am so angry. Fuming. After 41 years I am finally angry at my enabler dad. He might be a covert narc as well but wow I am so angry and hurt.

I’ve seen so many people here talk about how angry they are at their enabler parent and I so wished to finally feel that way. My dad has championed my mom’s abuse for over 50 years. My brother and I are both Nc with my bpd/npd mom and my dad cut my brother off when he realized he wasn’t going to ever include my mom. And now it’s been 40 days NC for me with my mom and my dad emails me every now and then asking to talk—so we talk when he’s out of the house and guess what he wants to talk about? Mom! Of course he does. She is all that matters my feelings don’t matter he has ZERO empathy for me or my brother and omg this wave of resentment just washed over me that my entire life has been about her. It’s all been in service of her for her about her because of HER and I am sick of it!

I had two abusive parents. I never had a safe parent. It was all a lie! A big huge whopping lie.

I’m going to have to tell him if he wants to talk we cannot talk about mom. I don’t want to hear how depressed her shitty children have made her. I never want to hear those words again!!! I am DONE. They both robbed my childhood from me they’ve robbed my entire adult life to date of real love and safety all so they can have their sick dysfunctional toxic marriage. I’m sooooooo angrrryyyyyyyy.

So glad Mother’s Day is over—truly the worst day of the year but now have to brace for Father’s Day. I posted in here a bit ago that I was bracing for the storm from my mom—but, there’s nothing. I thought for sure maybe I’d get an angry or hurt text yesterday or today. It’s the first Mother’s Day I’ve ever not done anything or been in contact with her. But—she’s silent? My edad says she’s mad at me which is not shocking. But she told me she can’t and won’t stop abusing me so I never replied because what can even be said—and she never said anything.

What do I make of her silence? I think so many of us are used to the blowups and rage and hoovering but she’s just been quiet which is very very strange. She’s also a narcissist so this might be more of an npd discard. Do you all think she’s going to contact me at some point? Or is she just really going to be silent forever? I realize her silence is a gift ultimately because it would be harder to be in conflict with her—I’m just shocked by it.

It’s been 28 days. Only 28 days. I’m so deep in grief I’m not sleeping but I’m so so exhausted. I don’t have a family. I don’t belong to a family. I don’t know how to get up and do this every day. And go out into the world and see nothing but mothers and daughters and parents and families and everything reminds me I’m alone. I don’t live near friends and my close friend circle is more like a line of two people who are both busy and don’t have the capacity to be there for me.

I’m so lost. I found myself today feeling desperate to have a family—to belong, to be loved, to feel that warmth and connection. But I don’t have it. I don’t have my own family I’m single and never got to have children. It all makes me sort of self conscious and ashamed and sad and am just full of longing. When I was deep in the FOG I really believed I had a wonderful family. I thought we were close but it was abuse and enmeshment and codependency and 40 years in i see that it was never what I thought it was. But there were moments when things were calm and nice and there was laughter and joy. But my already small family has imploded. My brother along with his family estranged from all of us 4 years ago. And I just did so with my mom (vvvlc with dad). I just feel so alone and sad.

I’ve only been NC with mom for a few weeks and dad has called once to beg me to call her and I kept saying no. I know he’s going to beg me to call her and I’m still going to say no—but what do I say when he asks when I’m going home next? I live across the country so it’s always expensive and stressful to visit even twice a year. But I don’t have any intention of going home and tbh I don’t really have an answer to that.

I’ve not explicitly said to my mom I’m going NC or to my dad, but that’s really the only thing I think is doable. My mom isn’t willing to even try to be nice to me. I just feel so sad that my dad has Alzheimer’s and I hate knowing I have to tell him that I don’t know when I’ll be home. The guilt makes me sick to my stomach. How should I handle this? I’m so lost.