Dealing w/ MIL for 1 week
My in-laws are mostly absent grandparents who visit 1x/year because we cover their expenses (plane tickets, ubers, food/groceries, and random things they want when we are shopping) when they’re here. They enjoy traveling and bragging to their friends/social media that they’re visiting a place. I’m currently in my third trimester with twins, and since my husband will be away for a business trip, he thought any support would be helpful.
My MIL is mentally sharp but physically frail and can’t lift much or keep up with my 3 y/o. She fits the stereotypical MIL role, commenting on house cleanliness, how often we eat out, and my parenting style. I usually bite my tongue and I ignore the comments.
When interacting with my son, she gets upset if he doesn’t address her first with “hello, grandma,” and tries to coax him into it. It’s the same thing on repeat every morning. Her attempt at playing with my son is reading a book, and when she doesn’t have his undivided attention she goes on her phone. My step-FIL is very disconnected from helping with childcare since he doesn’t really consider my son as his grandchild (he has his own), just mostly watching TV or napping in the living room. I honestly prefer this in comparison to my MIL who will sit and judge what I’m doing.
They like to cook but leave the kitchen as a mess and tell me to clean because they cooked. They have complained about my stainless steel cookware and after teaching them how to make it nonstick they don’t try and made me Amazon next day delivery a teflon nonstick pan even after I explained why I don’t have one in my kitchen. There are a lot of minor kitchen differences that always show up and I end up telling them we should just go out or order because my son won’t eat what they cook anyways. It’s largely performative for themselves that they cook “for us” when in reality it’s just what they want to do. My MIL constantly offers to help, but when I give her something to do, she says she can’t do it. For example, when I’m in the middle of putting groceries away she shoos me away to go watch my toddler then a minute later she says she doesn’t know where things go and leaves the fridge doors wide open. I’m not really sure why she keeps doing this but drives me insane. I’ve never spent time with them when my husband isn’t around so I’m venting and hoping there are strategies to deal with my MIL so I don’t lose it next week.