u/dafandisaster

Some people on r/fosterdogs recommended I post here for advice. Essentially, I agreed to keep a dog (Buddy) for 2 months until my (ex) friend could take him. TL;DR is that she couldn't take him and we've had him for 7 months trying to find a home. I'm in metro Atlanta and the dog overpopulation is insane, so I'm having a hard time finding a placement for him considering his behavioral issues.

I would appreciate any information about reputable rescues or other options in my region. Honestly I'd consider driving this dog across country if it would keep me from having to choose BE. Providing more details below in case relevant.

THE ISSUES:

1. Dog reactive. He barks, growls, and lunges at other dogs. Cannot chill out if he's in public and sees a dog.

2. Protective. He's imprinted on me like a baby bird and will bark and growl at visitors until he has a chance to sniff them and decide they're ok. He snapped at a friend who air-kissed above his head.

3. Resource guarding. He will growl and chase the cats away from his kibble. We keep his kibble where we can see it and chase the cats away ourselves. No snapping or biting but we're concerned.

4. Vet issues. We took him to the vet when he ate something he shouldn't and had to muzzle him bc the techs were afraid he was going to bite them. We're working on muzzle training.

THE GOOD STUFF:

90% of the time, he's a great dog. He loves just snoozing on the couch with us. He's very well crate trained and will sometimes just go hang out in his crate if one of us is in the room where we keep it. He's cute and sweet and loves us sooooo much. But that 10% of the time where he gets triggered by something and freaks out makes it really hard to find a place for him -- especially when dogs with much fewer issues are getting put down due to lack of shelter space.

And I have to be so honest, I'm not a good dog owner. I suck at keeping on top of training and nail trimming. I would never have taken in a dog like this without the promise of a home lined up. But now I love him and I have to do right by him somehow.

So, any resources y'all can recommend would be greatly appreciated.

My (former) friend found Buddy last fall and took him to the shelter. In December she asked us to take him as an emergency foster bc he was on the euth list. She said we just needed to keep him for two months. After three months the shelter asked why he was still in foster, so she filed adoption paperwork. After four months I transitioned out of WFH and told her to take him, at which point I learned her new place had a no dogs policy. Then I found out HER friend who was "100% going to adopt Buddy" had lost the dog he raised from a puppy in December and was not ready to move on.

I told her I was going to look for other placements for him, and she flipped out, called me weak for "giving up" on Buddy, and told me I was being irresponsible for not keeping my commitment to him. I told her that I was going to take responsibility by finding a new home for him. We haven't meaningfully spoken since.

Now I've had him for seven months and I'm just so tired. I've posted on Petfinder, Craigslist, Facebook, Reddit. I've put up flyers with a QR code to his website. I've asked every person I know if they know anyone who wants a dog. Nothing. I asked my dog rescuing friend for advice, and they told me that considering his behavioral issues (dog aggression, over-protectiveness, needs muzzling at the vet), I would be better off euthanizing him than sending him to the over-crowded shelter to be further traumatized and then probably put down anyway.

I'm just so exhausted and sad and I don't know what to do. I never would have taken him on if I hadn't trusted my friend that he had a home waiting. I KNOW you can't save every dog, especially right now. But now I've had him for seven months and I love him and I want so badly to find him a forever home, but I just don't know what else I can do.

People keep asking me "at what point is he just your dog" and it sucks because he just isn't. I lost my dog of 8 years late last fall and I feel like I haven't had a chance to properly grieve. I'm not a good dog owner, I don't keep on top of nails or exercise and I get really over stimulated by his energy and neediness. But it's starting to feel like my options are to keep a dog I never wanted or to put down a sweet healthy dog who loves with his whole heart. I feel like a monster for even considering it, but I can't put him back in the shelter when even easy dogs with no issues are getting put down. I just feel so trapped.

EDIT: I really appreciate everyone's advice and sympathy. I've decided that I will choose BE if I haven't found him a home by November.

Picture it: it's Christmas, and your friend "Joy" texts you in a panic. A dog she saved from the streets is on the euth list, do you know anyone who can foster him for two months until she can adopt him? Maybe less than two months if her friend "Sam" adopts him instead. You work from home and your dog recently passed away, so you have the means. And her small child has been visiting the dog at the shelter and bonding with him, and it seems rough for a dog he loves to be euthanized for Christmas. Do you say yes?

I did. Two months turned into three as she was getting settled at her new place, then four as she was working big events and over-extended. I gave her some grace because I know she's overworked and going through a lot. But in April I tell her I'd like her to take Buddy by the end of the month because I had travel planned in May.

Which is when I found out that her new apartment has a no dogs policy.

But don't worry! Her friend Sam is DEFINITELY going to fall in love with this dog!! So she takes him to visit Sam and it sounds like it goes well, but he needs more time to "build trust" before he's ready for Buddy. Okay, fine, I guess we'll figure out the travel stuff... Then at the end of April, I find out I'm getting a new job, yay! But it's in person, boo! I'm not comfortable leaving this dog alone for 10+ hours a day, he's got anxiety issues and tummy problems. I tell Joy that Sam needs to either adopt him or take over his foster by the time I start my new job.

She. Blows. Up.

I get pages and pages of texts calling me weak and irresponsible. She tells me she's sorry I have a new job, but Buddy was here first and he's my responsibility (???). She lectures me about how Sam needs time to build trust with Buddy and work through his behavior issues before he's ready to take him on. See, SHE'S had pitties before, and so has Sam, and THEY know how hard it is to take care of them. (As if I haven't had this dog for five months at this point? As if I didn't have a dog-reactive pit mix for eight years??) OH and she threatens to go to the authorities if I adopt Buddy out to someone else, because SHE FILLED OUT ADOPTION PAPERS FOR HIM AT THE SHELTER.

I take some time to think over my response, I consult the shelter's foster coordinator. I tell her that she's right, I need to take responsibility for my foster dog, which is why I will be finding a home that I think is a good fit for him and I'm not comfortable adopting him to someone I've never met.

Haven't heard from her since.

But I did find out that Sam's dog, which he raised from a puppy, died... IN DECEMBER. So I guess she was hassling this grieving dog parent to adopt this other random dog? My Rowan passed away in October, and I'm still not ready for another dog! What the hell, Joy!

You might be asking why I'm not taking him to the shelter. Couple reasons. 1) He came from a shelter in another city, and they don't want him back. 2) The shelter in my city is over-crowded, badly managed, and stuffed to the gills with pit mixes. It's basically a doggy POW camp at this point. 3) I've had bad experiences fostering kittens with this shelter and I just don't want to rely on them. 4) You can't save every dog, but I made a commitment to this one.

Honestly what really rankles is that I didn't get a chance to look for homes for him when I was working from home and had more freedom. This is really hard.

TL;DR: Friend asked me to keep this dog for two months, jerked me around for five, and insulted me when I drew a line. So now I'm on my own finding this dog a home.