u/dark-kitten88

People who have never lived in a narcissistic family system genuinely do not understand how exhausting the double standards are when there is a clear golden child and a scapegoat.

My sibling had a GoFundMe raise around $25,000 during the war, because she couldn’t legally leave the country with her child due to paperwork issues after giving birth abroad. People donated believing the money was going toward safety, stability, housing, and rebuilding a life for her and her baby.

Instead, after getting out and making it to the EU, she spent thousands of dollars on cosmetic procedures. Breast implants, lip filler, non-surgical rhinoplasty. Money that was supposed to help establish housing and security for her child went toward cosmetic work. She was 20 years old, barely postpartum, had just finished breastfeeding, and the surgery was ultimately botched.

Nobody said a word.

Fast forward to me.

I am a nursing student at a well known university and less than 15 months away from graduation. I am raising children, rebuilding my life after a toxic marriage, and trying to learn how to stand on my own after spending years in survival mode. I had my children young. I lost years of normal adulthood dealing with chaos, instability, and emotional abuse. So yes, in some ways I am behind my peers socially and emotionally because while other people my age were learning independence, I was just trying to survive.

My father offered to help with my rent because the home environment became so toxic for me and my children that leaving was the healthiest option. Somehow my mother turned that into “if your father helps with rent, you should never do anything for yourself.”

Meanwhile, I literally won a gift certificate months ago for one syringe of filler and tox at a local med spa. I finally used it recently and posted a playful picture because I liked the results. I did not spend thousands of dollars. I did not misuse donated money. I did not neglect my responsibilities. I used something I won.

And somehow THAT became a problem.

My sibling immediately ran to my mother to gossip about it, and suddenly there were questions about how I could “afford” filler while getting help with rent.

The hypocrisy is unbelievable.

One child can spend tens of thousands of dollars meant for survival and stability on cosmetic surgery during a humanitarian crisis and still be protected, defended, and excused. The other child uses a gift certificate she won and gets treated like she’s irresponsible for doing one small thing that made her feel good about herself.

That’s what narcissistic family systems look like.

It’s never actually about the money.
It’s about control.
It’s about favoritism.
It’s about one child being allowed to do anything while the other is criticized for everything.

I’m tired guys. I can’t wait til graduation and I can afford to get by on my own. If you can learn anything from me. Don’t have babies at 17,18,&19. I ran from a toxic home life to a toxic marriage riddled with alcoholism and addiction. I wasted the best years of my life. And now I’m trying to pick up the pieces yet I’m still criticised for everything I do.

I moved out of their house the end of March. This last month has been peaceful for me. Yet this stupid wet poptart is still trying to ruin my peace. Why? I’m gone. I left the house. She got what she wanted when she came back from Europe. Why does she care what I do? Wasn’t destroying me and almost getting me kicked out of school enough? Wasn’t being cruel to my children enough? Like I’m trying to figure out my adult life on my own when I have never learned who I was without trying to make some narcissistic person happy.

Why does she continue to try and cause issues when I’m not even in the house?! I haven’t thought about her ONCE since I moved out. Haven’t looked at her social
media. Why is she so obsessed with me?

Like leave me the alone already. Sorry. I needed to vent.