u/datax6969

to make a very long story short, my partner has basically 0 interest in sex, and we have had basically no sex life in the past 4/5 years at this point.

im not even high libido, but a total lack of intimacy (nothing more than cuddles, no kissing, no flirting, not even compliments) is starting to weight a lot on me. we go to therapy but there’s nothing to do in this front, my partner just has no interest in sexuality in general. I’m not gonna break up over this (and I considered it for a long time) because we built an otherwise beautiful life together

we opened our relationship once, and I was about to have a hook up with someone but I called it off and closed the relationship back up. I just felt I was putting my needs in front of my partners feelings and that I was being selfish and just felt wrong. back then it also felt like we could rebuild our sex life, which is now apparent it is not the case.

the thing is, its not even necessary the act of intercourse itself that I want - I want to feel wanted, to feel chased, to for once not having to basically beg for it. i feel like I’m emotionally virgin because i literally don’t even know what it feels like to have sex with someone who wants you. also, I try my best not to have my sexual frustration spill over the rest of the relationship but it still does.

my partner brought up the idea of opening our relationship again in the past. they werent happy about it, but they thought it could basically shut me up and keep me satisfied and would improve our relationship, but I don’t know. on one hand, i feel like I’ve put my partners feelings over my needs for long enough, on another hand, im not even sure if random hookups would even do anything for me.

Okay so, I pass at least some of the time because:

A) I live somewhere not progressive where people will not gender you right out of respect (southern Italy), when I had not started HRT'd I'd get sir'd even in full makeup, and now I ALWAYS get gendered right, even by older people. The only time I get misgendered is by people who knew me before transitioning.

B) I have had some interactions that proved I fully passed to at least some people. I've hanged out for girls for hours who said things that proved they didn't think I was trans, among other things, had weird interactions with men, etc.

So, at least some of the time, I pass. I also did extensive voice training and get gendered correctly on the phone, and I don't think I have any extremely clocky/obviously male features either. The only thing that makes me noticeable women my height aren't very common here (i'm 181m/5 foot 9) (but they do exist, I do see them every now and then). I dress like any average woman of my age (so I don't think my style makes me noticable either)

And I must say, I feel pretty great with myself. I see a woman in the mirror.

However, I get stared quite a bit. Like, most people don't look at me twice, but every time I go out I see some people take a longer look at me. It's more often men but women do it too. Kids don't seem to care at all (they really stared me the most pre HRT - thought them not caring about me anymore might be of note)

I also get stared the same when presenting very androgynous (jeans and hoodie & no makeup), and honestly, I had been noticing stared as long as I've started presenting a bit more on the femme side - I've been stared like this for so long I honestly don't even know if it was happening before lol.

Also, I've had people stare but then gender me right when I interact with them.

So that the hell is going on? My opinion is that presentation aside, physically, I loo very androgynous (am skinny, no big shoulders but not lots of hips either, small boobs, etc.) so people maybe sometimes need a closer look to understand or something?

I know that this post feels like a big load of overthinking, but I usually try not to and don't immediately assume I've been clocked. But on the same hand, I'm really curious as to what is happening in their heads lol.