u/dawgtism

Context: I am a 27 year old female only child to my 57 year old single mother. I have officially been permanently no contact with her for 3 months now and I would like to share my story on here.

My mother has been morbidly obese her entire life. For the length of my entire life, she has been between 400-700 pounds. My childhood was a little rough, she had years long stints of unemployment by her own choice where all we had to live off of month to month were my father’s child support checks and food stamps.

The first significant thing that has come back around to current relevance was when I was in high school. She got her first boyfriend since before I was born when I was 15. He had been a janitor at the elementary school I went to and she met him at that time. I cannot remember what the reason was she reached back out to him years later but they reconnected and sparks apparently flew. For 2 years, he was in our apartment once or twice a week, sometimes the entire weekend. He was 30 years her senior, a widower with multiple children her age and grandchildren my age. My mother was never invited to his house or to meet any of his children/grandchildren in the 2 years they dated. He came to numerous family get-togethers of ours and met her parents multiple times. She was the smallest she had been in decades while they were together, hovering around 400 pounds. He dumped her when I was a senior in high school by inviting her over to his house for the first time in their relationship and breaking up with her in his doorway before she could step foot in his house. She drove home sobbing.

Now, this would be very sad and I would be completely on her side if not for events that unfolded another 10 years later. In 2024, I found out he had been arrested on charges of child fondling. I did let my mother know, she was in one of the multiple facilities she had been in since she lost her independence in 2021. She proceeded to reach out to him behind my back and try to become “friends” with him again. The final time I was in contact with her was in April of this year where I brought her ex-boyfriend back up to inform her he had pled guilty to the child fondling charges and was put into Tier 3 on the local sex offender registry (highest level). By this point, she had told me she had tried to reach out to him in the past 2 years and according to her, he had responded by telling her the story of his innocence. She told me he had told her he had been framed by a vengeful family member. Which my mother informed me she believed 100%.

This was the straw that finally broke the camel’s back between her and I. Her telling my grandmother not to bother coming and picking us up to make my community college graduation when her car broke down didn’t do it for me. Her getting engaged (not to the pedophile bf) within a month of me getting engaged and getting married on Mother’s Day of that same year when I got married that October didn’t do it for me. Her informing me the week I was scheduled to try on wedding dresses that she couldn’t come to my appointment because she needed to stay with her new husband who was sick (and died 2 years later of Covid because he was 25 years her senior) even when multiple members of my family and my fiancé’s family offered to pick her up and bring her after members of her husband’s family offered to stay with him for the couple of hours for my appointment didn’t do it for me. Me finding out that within a year of her and her husband being married she stayed in bed for six months straight (not even getting up to go to the bathroom or bathe) and her husband finally caved and called members of my family to discover her in a septic state (her husband was mentally handicapped, I do not blame him for her condition, she was verbally abusive to him during their relationship) didn’t do it for me. Her telling me a year later she had requested the landlord of the apartment her and her husband used to live in throw away everything in the apartment without informing me or any of my family. The reason she gave? She didn’t think anyone would actually go and save any of the stuff if she asked. All of the memorabilia from both her life and mine (her photo albums, her jewelry, my baby clothes/books/pictures, her kitchen items I hoped to inherit, knickknacks, her clothes, etc.) lost. I called her landlord once she told me and he as nicely as he could informed me the dumpster that was used had been taken and emptied months ago. That didn’t fully do it for me.

It took me pleading with her that if she could just admit that her registered sex offended ex-boyfriend had always been a pedophile and a threat to all of my classmates and I in elementary school and even to me when I was in high school that I could forgive her for trying to get back in contact with him once he was originally charged. She adamantly refused and informed me we would have to “agree to disagree with love for each other”. That finally did it for me to go permanently no contact with her.

If you read all of this, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I just wanted to unload all of this info somewhere, this Reddit page being the unlucky home of it now lol