u/daytimenightshift

I'll write you a real letter, and let you decide if you wanna read it.

I have so much to say, but so little of what you need to hear.

I've gone through the memories a hundred times, I see what I was blind to then. ​

can't leave anything to eventualities, when nothing is given.

I hope it offers you some solace. I am ready to let go of the guilt.

I know I was a rude asshole to you the first time we met, and I made sure I would never be that person again.

but why did you play around with me? what did you mean when you said I was the "most self pitying person" you knew.

I thought you saw me. but you saw it all and still said the most hurtful thing you can say to someone who's repressed their issues their entire life.

I thought you understood what being a victim did to my mind, you certainly pretended like you did.

yet the little issues I shared with you, you saw as burdens. when I told you I feel immense shame in sharing anything, causing those same issues to pile up.

​​You knew that I was at most my vulnerable when intimate, and you knew our bond was entirely around intimacy.

That's why I never brought anything up, and I never put it on anyone but myself, I didn't bring it up unannounced, I only opened up when asked. ​​​​

Why would you hurt me like that.

​I don't understand. and I don't think I ever will. why would you say that.

I was as understanding and kind to you as I was able. even in the call, I made sure you were okay.

I still thank you for what it was. I just don't understand how you could be so hurtful. it just didn't fit. How could you be so ignorant. How could you say such things? ​​​​

I don't hate you. you just hurt me so much with the things you said. I wasnt perfect. but I never placed blame on you for your issues, we don't get to decide these things.

​dear former situationship with benefits

want to tell you.

the guilt eats me alive.

can't bother you

not after all that

not after all this time. ​

When you miss someone, or do things as simply as congratulating them, do you ask "can I do that" "am I allowed to do that"

Who gives a fuck. Let go of the guilt you have placed on yourself and be the person you are.

Tell that friend of yours you want to talk, even if you're unclear if you're friends anymore

Tell the people in your life your fears, your issues, your accomplishments.

Tell your ex about the songs that remind you of them

I've lived the past 20 years thinking these things, missing most of what is to be my life, do you think wallowing yourself in that guilt will help?

Stop convincing yourself you can't, that you're past it, that you've done everyone so wrong you cannot.

When you live in guilt, you cause more of it. You don't do the things you should or want to do, you feel guilty for those too.

It adds up.

The clock keeps on ticking, no matter how many times you go back. No matter how many times you wish things were different. It still rings.

You end up focusing on nothing but your guilt, and it eats you inside out.

And especially to you.

Luke. I know I told you off, but you know why?

I got tired of having to hold my hand out, only for you to wallow in your guilt. you were a brother to me.

You believed you did me so wrong that even when approached you couldn't utter a word.

You know how much that hurt me?

​​​Even if we never talk again. I wish you learn to let go of that guilt, because people care for you, I do still.

I can't bear seeing someone I cared for step into the same bullshit, self convinced shame, guilt. To the extent where you never thought to ask me if I felt you were guilty for anything.

It hurts. Each and every day. I miss the fuck out of you. But please get over yourself. You're better than this and I love you.

I can't bear to see you like this. have mercy on yourself. I wish things were different.

The past won't change, but you decide what the future holds. Don't spend that time breaking yourself on guilt. ​

I struggle with this each and every day, probably more than you do. but when I've offered you every olive branch, you've declined giving a response.