u/dazjoy

So I'm a 23 year old virgin and I just realised I'm suffering from a severe case of comphet. Theres a couple of things I've been putting together so bare with me I'm hoping somebody can relate.

I assumed the reason I've never had sex is because of side effects from purity culture, even after becoming an atheist one thing that was hard for me to shake off was feelings about sex (with men). I have a deep to my core fear of intimacy with men, anytime a man has showed interest in me I've always sabotaged it somehow and felt deep relief. When I did sit to think about it I assumed that I just have sexual discipline because I had a baseline disgust at the thought of sex, I mean its a stranger why should I until we get all the tests and I know everything about him? but now i realised I'm just not attracted to the male form, even when a man flirts with me I didn't like looking at their faces, Im just not drawn to the male essence the smell, the hands the bodies and I thought this was normal. I could go on and on. Even the times I thought I was bean flicking to the thought of sex with men It was more like the thought of the sensation of penetration without the man present if that makes sense, if i added more male like details like their weight or beard or testicles it would kill the whole fantasy (got off to lesbo porn just fine though..... i do not watch porn anymore for ethical reasons but when I did its funny how I didn't need to imagine anything changing), but I realised comphet made me see sex with women as "not real" so theres been many times I just wished a woman would offer me some "not real" sex and of course I immediately dismissed the thoughts. I now realise I had no anxieties or resistance at all about sex with women.

So sex was I think layer one of this protective armor against men which I didn't realise until now. I had absolutely no rush or desire for sex with men and my virginity has nothing to do with how selective or picky I am. I just didn't want them on me. If a guy was almost there I'd immediately sabotage it which meant he wasn't going to touch me (phew!)

The second layer of this armor was "dating standards"

Another sign I've never liked men is since I was young the only way I could justify a life with a man is if he was wealthy. When I fantasised about men it would have to come with a social or financial payoff like being on a yacht with him or courtside seats with him. I realised that men for me in my head were more like trophies not a partner that I wanted to love or care for. To me it was like an average or poor lifestyle with a man seemed like the highest embarassment - I felt that men were an automatic deficit so they had to compensate for their presence, sex and child bearing. No part of me could comprehend wanting a man's presence, body or his "love" I didn't give a crap about being loved besides knowing that love makes men more generous. For me it was this or nothing I'd think that totally unironically, I thought that men have so little to offer that you're stupid for not being clear headed or objective about your dealings with them (because you have no sexual pull to them dummy). Its messed up but all I wanted was to "win" the imaginary "game" I thought all straight women were playing, you win when you get the shiniest trophy right because what else could you possibly want from them? I realise now that I comfortably had these thoughts and other judgements about women's illogical dating decisions and how "easy" they were is because I never really had any skin in the game...

And of course my subconscious has been like "what if you're a lesbian" and many other breadcrumbs about my actual feelings about women which will be another thing to unpack but I think realising that I don't like men, a huge weight has been lifted off.

She's says 🍆 doesn't feel good and these are women's comments.....

O's take be 2 minutes by myself tops so I've always wondered why women find it difficult with a whole man there helping

Literally crying because I just realised I have never liked men